Bianca Perez
Dec 6, 2022 BY
@biancaDec 6, 2022
⭐
I was gifted a box of these pimple patches by @julie_schott and I’ve been obsessed ever since. Not to mention it was the Hello Kitty collab. I’ve suffered from dermatillomania (skin picking disorder) since middle school which falls under the umbrella of OCD. I used to have trichotillomania (hair pulling) but that just wasn’t visceral enough for me. It’s still a pretty intense source of shame for me but these are so fucking cute that it overrides my brain’s compulsion to rip them off my skin and eat them. That's on behaviour modification purrrrr.
Dec 6, 2022
🧸
I’m not going to lie, I used to be the type to cringe at adults whose beds were covered in stuffed animals and still do believe there should be a cut off but I just recently began growing my family of plushies and it’s really upgraded my lounging time, of which there is a lot of. Sometimes I’m not sure what my overall aesthetic is or how I want my home to look but I think it’s somewhere between Korean minimalism and straight up age regressed paradise. I’m unashamed of the joy it brings me to walk into a store, suddenly come across a plushie I feel drawn to and bring it home with a newfound name/personality. My first one was a four foot teddy bear handed down to me by a follower after I posted how much I wanted a giant teddy bear. Shout out to them. His name is Genji, named after Murasaki Shikibu’s “The Tale of Genji”: a classic work of Japanese literature written in the early 11th century centered on the life and loves of a handsome son born to an Emperor. Then, I have a Harbour seal who’s name I forgot so I renamed him Melvin, a grey bunny named Roger and a pink squishmallow named Martha May Vicky Christina Barcelona. I don’t know why they’re mostly male so don’t ask me. I look forward to extending this family.
Dec 6, 2022
💆🏽♀️
I’m a huge fan of audio/sensory content like ASMR and realized I always have been. I have core memories of experiencing exquisite tingles as a kid, specifically on weekday mornings in the winter before school trying my best to get in those last few minutes of sleep while my neighbor’s car idled outside or begging my mom to play with my hair so I could get that fuzzy feeling in my spine before bed. Those tingles were unmatched. Now I’m just chasing the dragon. When it comes to ASMR triggering scenarios, the more weirdly specific the better. There’s some great hours-long themed ambiances where you can pretend you’re preparing for finals at Hogwarts during Christmas time, manning the work station of the USCSS Nostromo ship from Alien, or sleeping in the backseat of a car on a rainy night. I’ll also fuck with some frequencies/binaural beats for manifesting health and wealth in my sleep cause the grind never stops. Here’s a fat burning frequency and back pain relieving frequency at 528 Hz (listen to this as you foam roll). Prolonged exposure to this sound wave showed reduction of anxiety related behaviors in rats and helps to increase awareness; it’s also known as the “love frequency.”
Dec 6, 2022
👃🏽
The argument could be made that I’ve become dependent on these but as someone who suffers from chronic congestion, it’s either this or a rhinoplasty. I love the ones with a keychain attached. I like to hang it off my index finger and spin it around so it doubles as an accessory and fidget toy. My goal is to make this the new it product for club goers and hopefully a brand endorsement from VICKS. Only baddies with congestion and a craving for ketamine can pull it off.
Dec 6, 2022
🧘🏽♀️
I think we’re all familiar with that nagging aching back pain from hunching over a laptop in the dark for hours on end. Other than massages which can get pricey and having a bathtub big enough to soak in, which is considered a privilege in this city, this is the next best method of keeping chronic back pain under control. I like to roll all the way down to my lower back and hold my legs straight up. Foam rolling and/or just lying on the floor instead of in bed or on the couch is my most preferred way of scrolling, whether it’s for doom or pleasure. There’s also levels of hardness you can move up once the smooth foam no longer hurts good enough. I think I’m ready for an upgrade.
🌽
Now, I’m no stranger to Nu Metal like some sort of noob but I’d yet to explore Korn’s discography until this year. After watching Netflix’s Trainwreck: Woodstock ‘99, I began revisiting all those mid-90s Rock bands and can now proudly say I’m a huge Korn fan. “Follow the Leader” is a zero-skip album, like every single track fucking fucks, I guess besides the one featuring Ice Cube. Sorry not sorry.
Dec 6, 2022
⏺️
Before you judge me just know I identify as an archivist and I would never share any of these raw files, they’re purely for my ears only. According to my sources, (the voices in my head) one day I’m going to make a film or write a book or record an album. The voices haven’t told me which one. But I figure these recordings will serve as inspiration for all of the above and I’m convinced I’ll need them one day to write realistic dialogue or sample in some coded way that only I will understand. It’s never anything too salacious either, there’s just a certain magic to how candidly people speak when they don’t know they’re being recorded. Whether it’s a young couple breaking up on the subway platform, a life changing DJ set I’ll never hear again, or another painfully awkward phone call from my Dad after he’s had too many beers. I feel compelled to archive it all. My lawyer suggested I not speak on it any further but for what it’s worth New York is a one-party consent state which means most of these are totally legal and permissible in a court of law.
Dec 6, 2022
🎹🔪
A friend recommended I watch this film after I gave him an in-depth explanation of my sexual dysfunction(s). It’s directed by Michael Haneke, known best for both the German and U.S. versions of “Funny Games”, so you already know it's fun for the whole family. I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. I fear it has possessed me. If you’ve seen it, you know more about me than I would willingly divulge even after years of friendship. I almost dressed as the protagonist for Halloween this year. In turn, I’ve become obsessed with Isabelle and she’s now one of my top five favorite actresses. Her poise and courage on screen is unmatched, not to mention raw sex appeal. She really is Mother/Maman.
Dec 6, 2022
🤰🏽💍
I’ve noticed a counter culture movement brewing online where the emphasis seems to be on rejecting neoliberal ideas of individualism and increasingly atomized living as a sort of virtue for the sake of our children who would suffer at the hands of climate catastrophe or just the cold hard reality of consciousnesses. Accounts like @carnivoreaurelius or @saveyoursons offer practical advice about the benefits of high quality red meats, the dangers of seed oils, not sunning your asshole enough and soulless dating apps. They provide some respite from the nauseating reality of the current leftist ideology that’s left a lot of us childless at 30 because of eugenicist level logic like “why would I contribute to our planet’s overpopulation issue?”. Pundits like Jordan Peterson and Candace Owens have built entire careers off this grift of “no nonsense” steps to a better, more righteous life. Don’t get me wrong, are these neoconservative pysops? Sure. But at this point it’s just about choosing which psyop makes life on Earth tolerable for you. I grew up in a culture that shunned the idea of marriage and children altogether because it reminded us of the traumatic lives our female ancestors just had to accept due to their lack of autonomy. Some cope by stating how relieved they are to enjoy their 20s without the responsibility of family and that they have plenty of time not realizing how hard pregnancy is on the body after the age of 32 or how expensive it is to freeze your eggs or adopt. I was repulsed by the idea for most of my life and then it hit me about a year ago…without a solid partner and cute fat babies around, life is kind of a hollow boring nightmare.