HELP

Imagine you went on a first date and everything went great— not a single overhead light in sight— but your coworker was sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce in the middle of the table smacking they belly. That's essentially what a tulpa is. Officially, a tulpa is “a thought form or sentient, independent imaginary friend created through intense concentration and visualization,” tracing back to paranormal Tibetan Buddhism. Tulpas have trickled their way into modernity as an active practice for those in need of psychological and emotional companionship, but have concurrently gained a schizophrenic and occult rep as they occasionally depart from their host’s conscience (“tulpamancers”) and full-send tweaker mode. u/Healthy_Adeptness366 exclaimed that their tulpa is "extremely jealous and [they] don’t really know what to do. It’s only been a few days since [they] created him, but he already acts super possessive. If [they] like someone’s photo, he gets upset. [They’re] not even officially together or anything— but he behaves like [they] are. Honestly it feels like dealing with a toxic girlfriend sometimes.” Yikes. In a similar vein, u/[deleted] had, um, sex! With their tulpa. “It felt more real than someone holding me irl. Like I was hyper sensitive. Then he pulled my cheek and it HURTED. I was like ow ow stop. And he did.” Anyways, yeah, you get the point. Practice at your own risk; discern your loneliness. I visited r/tulpas once and now receive daily email updates.

Love, by definition, defies reason; reason only serves to convince. Source? Justin Timberlake: “but I still don’t know why, why I love you so much” (Holy Grail) ... Lana Del Rey: “I love you but I don’t know why” (You Can Be the Boss) … and Kanye/Jay-Z/Cassius: “Ooh, I love you so, but why I love you, I’ll never know” (Why I Love You). Everyone is confused. But not Slavoj Žižek. The Slovenian philosopher posits that love has no formula when it’s sincere. "When a woman asks, 'tell me why do you love me?' It's a very good question, because there is no answer to it. The paradox is that the moment you can answer it, it is by definition not love." We often find ourselves listing what we admire about our significant other, but at the end of the day, those traits can be found in countless passerbys. I mean, there are 8.3 billion people on this planet— surely there is more than one high IQ baddie with a gyatt. But love is not a checklist of marketable qualities— it’s a certain oomph, a “je ne sais quoi,” that succumbs one to the other. It is a cocktail of specific traits imbued with chemistry unique to John and Jane Doe; a mutual undoing. The songbirds sing about how they feel, what they believe to be true, relishing in that ambiguity without further logical explanation. So why do we market ourselves as products, waiting to be sold like business transactions? Delete that dating app queen. 

Norse God Odin, Messmer the Impaler, and Spongebob’s Plankton. In pursuit of greatness, all three characters have sacrificed one valuable asset: their eyeball. When I first began experimenting with colored contacts, I found myself repeatedly drawn to all-white lenses. There was no rhyme or reason to this besides aesthetic shock value. A few years later, however, Elden Ring came out. This is when the pattern recognition began. Melina, Ranni the Witch, and (soon after) Messmer the Impaler, all have one eye. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. Every detail, every choice, in Elden Ring is meticulously planted, I knew this was no baseless design decision. Melina and Ranni are two wise characters who propel the MC through the plot, while Messmer is a professional crashout who tries to kill the MC, plucking out his graced eye right before entering his second phase. Around this time, I also got back into Norse mythology. Odin, god of everything, sacrifices his eye to drink from Mimir’s Well of cosmic wisdom, trading his worldly sight for prophetic sight and enlightenment. In a similar fashion, Plankton from Spongebob is pathologically obsessed with discovering the Krabby Patty Secret Formula, becoming (quite literally) tunnel-visioned by his desire. The story writes itself. All of these characters undergo eye-loss to attain higher wisdom and/or power. An equivalent exchange, I’d say. Does that make my white contact lens wisdom from Walmart…

“Jack of all trades, master of none—” WRONG!!!!!!!! Ackchyually, the correct phrase is, “a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” Yeah stay woke. The erasure of popular proverbial phrase endings has wreaked havoc upon our collective conscience. Someone, I don’t know who, got lazy and decided to popularize only the first half of these sayings, and then go ahead and tell everyone. I say “these,” because there are more. “Curisoity killed the cat … but satisfaction brought it back” ; “the truth will set you free” … but first it will piss you off” ; “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy … all play and no work makes Jack a mere toy.” The reason why this compression is a legitimate problem is because it eradicates nuance and spreads false ideals, notions, beliefs; all context is lost and effectively thrown into the trash. What we’re left with is a gung-ho ahh message that is unfleshed, uncontextualized, and noticeably different (worse) in its expression. Type A’s, for example, often use the “jack of all trades” quote to embellish their lifestyle and demean those who don’t operate similarly; may I remind everyone that some of the greatest “jack of all trades” were polymaths, spanning their talents across many fields — Goethe, Benjamin Franklin, Hypatia, Leonardo da Vinci, even Donald Glover. The same goes for all those other phrases. The story is shortened, its endearingness gone with it. Point is, normalize context…

Humans love categorization. Assigning tasks and roles has always been intrinsic to our being and survival, but it is also conversely very limiting. We’ve progressed past the need to be “one” thing. Sure, specialization is great when you need a specialist, but in an era where that necessity has lessened, we generally tend to limit our full capacity. I find this mindset extra bothersome in aesthetics. “WATS THIS AESTHETIC?!” Free yourself. Free yourself from being exclusively LizzyGrantVincentGalloCoquetteBaby, TikTokSoundcloudFashionDemonRapper, StanleyCupMatchaPilatesGirlie. Of course, I understand the desire to associate and amalgamate; identifying aesthetic categories can be comforting and foster a sense of community. The issue, however, is how this comfort can breed stagnency and unintentional, self-imposed limitations. Intersectionality creates interestingness! Observe, enjoy, dabble, but don’t stay for too long. Life has so much to offer. Learn from what you consume and use that knowledge to develop a stronger sense of self — you will be happier; awesomer. Plus, some of the best friendships and opportunities arise from dipping out of your comfort zone :)