Caroline Calloway

Caroline Calloway on Austrian Black Tie, Watching Other People Play The Sims on YouTube, and What Superglue Can Fix (Everything Including The Human Body)

April 8, 2021

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In the early days of Instagram, Caroline built a following for her lengthy journal-like captions chronicling her life at Cambridge University. She’s since amassed nearly 700,000 followers and continues to be one of the most prolific social media personalities of our time. This journey hasn’t been without controversy, but her embracing of the chaos and reclaiming of the term “scammer” has seen her emerge as something of an icon and downtown anti-hero. Love to hate her or just plain love her, Calloway isn’t going anywhere, and lucky for us, she’s here to talk about what she’s been into.Without further ado

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MOBILES

Go type ‘mobiles’ into the search bar on Etsy. The results dazzle. And this kind of art takes up zero floor or wall space in an apartment! Matte, metallic, felted, wood, stained glass, sea glass, origami, Calder riffs… Mobiles have it all and Etsy has all the mobiles—good ones start as low as $35. Technically their correct term is “kinetic sculptures,” but I call my own collection my house’s “hanging gardens.”

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AUSTRIAN BLACK TIE

The collars are mandarin and the pockets are plentiful and the buttons are made of ANTLER. Antler! Do not get the version of this blazer with brass buttons. It’s equally traditional, so look closely before you buy. Search terms you can use for Ebay or Etsy or your Euro vintage site of choice are: “Tyrolean,” “Tracht,” and “Janker”—plus “mens jacket.” Only buy the male version of this blazer most especially if you are a woman. The whole look here is that of having your date drape his tuxedo jacket around your shoulders at the end of a long, black-tie gala. Except instead of moonlight and champagne flutes it’s lunchtime in the alps and your boyfriend’s speaking German. You can’t understand a word he’s saying to anyone at this mountainside boar hunt, but you will never forget the earnest look in one Austrian aristocrat’s eyes as speared a tiny sausage with a toothpick and said: “Vhen you vear zhis jacket, you must always zhink about zhe summer.” Now listen. These blazers are wool. Alpine summer is brisk. I wear mine even year round—perhaps even especially during the winter over holiday-party dresses because the color scheme of Austrian black tie is just so goddamn elvin and Christmassy. But I always think, for an instant, of the summer when I put one of these special jackets on. And now I hope you do, too.

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SUPERGLUE

You’ll be shocked to know this, but I break things all the time. Vases, planters, hearts. That is why I always keep a tube of super glue in a tasteful ceramic bowl on my entry way table. Someone’s going to get mad at me for saying this, but I’ve even superglued fake nails back on. That’s right: Super glue directly on nailbed. Go ahead. Get mad at me. Try to cancel me! You couldn’t even if you tried.

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BUY ONLY HIGH-HEELS YOU CAN ACTUALLY WALK IN

If the heel isn’t walkable then just call it what it is: A tiny art installation for your closet. Unwalkable shoes sit on shelves like small leather sculptures! The very purpose of shoes is to increase your mobility and comfort—not to limit your stamina and plans for the night! Stop wasting money and start engaging with reality instead. You will never wear them. Save the money.

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ASYMMETRICAL CLUSTER RINGS

There’s something so profoundly irreverent about asymmetrical gemstone settings.

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ASMR FOR SLEEPING BUT IT’S YOUTUBERS PLAYING THE SIMS

The best sleep-soundtrack is not thunderstorms or white noise or waves. It’s Simlish. It’s Buy Mode. It’s all the familiar sound-effects.

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MICRO CLAW CLIPS FOR PINNING FRESH FLOWERS TO YOUR HAIR

The secret to flower crowns is that there’s really no secret at all! IT’S ALL SMALL HAIR CLIPS! Literally do not EVER put fake flowers in your hair because you will look like a terrible Coachella wannabe FRAUDSTER, but with small hair clips you can attach any fresh flower in the world to your head. Try to steer towards tropical blooms, like orchids, because those plants are able to absorb moisture from the humidity in the air and will therefore last longer. Bulb-based plants like daffodils and hyacinths wilt quickly as do anything in the Aster family (daisies). I like to buy my small hair clips for the minimum amount of money on Amazon.

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MONOGRAMMED BALLET FLATS

I wear mine, uh, literally everyday. Summer, winter; galas! When one pair gets too dirty and too worn-thin I buy another of the exact same pair. Pale pink base. Turquoise lettering. Cherry-red shadows. String tied in double knotted bows so they never come undone. It’s big Gossip Girl 2010’s energy and that is an energy that I am all about. Life was good! Natalie and I were still friends! I wasn’t addicted to Adderall yet! I literally had no idea that one of my best friends would sell me out for $5,000 to The Cut, take credit for my entire brand, and try to make it seem like I was never an addict at all! Buy these shoes!

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RIBBON

Ever heard of it?! You need it more than you think you do! Start with spools of 1.5 inch “double-faced” satin (I’ve linked my favorite Amazon brand) in the specific colors of: black, crimson, turquoise, goldenrod/marigold, and sort of a icy, slate-gray, periwinkle blue. A deep, wine-red burgundy in .5 inch velvet and an Easter-y, baby pink (or blue or yellow or lilac!) in .25 inch satin will also come in surprisingly handy. Use for beautifying hairstyles, presents, and bouquets of all kinds. Giving someone a single flower is made a thousand times fancier just by tying a bow on it.

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT IS A CULT FAVORITE NEWSLETTER AND AN APP FOR YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS

We've interviewed guests like Lorde, Olivia Rodrigo, Francis Ford Coppola, Charli XCX, Ayo Edebiri, Michael Imperioli, Emma Chamberlain, Clairo, Ice Spice, Molly Ringwald, Weyes Blood, Jeremy O. Harris, Conner O'Malley, Rayne Fisher Quann, Julian Casablancas, Alexa Chung, Mac Demarco, Moses Sumney, Omar Apollo, Suki Waterhouse, Narwuar, The Dare, and hundreds more in the Perfectly Imperfect Archive.

The history of PI is well-documented by The New York Times, NYMag, Vanity Fair, Interview Mag, Flaunt, Office, The Verge, and NPR.

Caroline Calloway

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