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I need to work. I need to keep my mind busy with goals. Big ones, small ones, ambitions and routines, I need it all. As a kid I was always labeled uh, like smart. Or something like that. Gifted. I was a gifted child hahahahaha. I was praised for my verbose conversations, and knowledge of trivial shit from pop culture and presidential history. I didn’t have a lot of solid friends growing up, and I spent a lot of my time with adults. So, I was always pampered with “You’re gonna be ____ one day!” And that shit. I never built a work ethic. I guess it’s my fault, but I don’t know if it was internal or external. As an adult now, I feel like I have to make up for that lost time. I have to constantly work on my personal affairs, and the events I do. Or else I’ll fall into that childhood-teenage bad habit of not doing anything.
Dec 26, 2022

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I have to be doing something with my hands or have an activity planned for myself outside of work, I am rarely just chilling by myself with my own thoughts (I call friends and family so much which is a strength but sometimes it’s just to talk and exhaust myself) Trying to be better at savoring moments and not rushing through things but it’s physically uncomfortable for me to just do nothing sometimes
Jul 18, 2024
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I worry about wasted time. Adventures, meaningful weeks, good memories, take so much effort and I often don’t have that drive. I graduated a few months ago, did nothing to celebrate, done nothing since, just slept and dove into new responsibilities. Milestones have gone by with fizzles rather than bangs. A life worth living is a life that needs making, effort, time, intention, I just need to want that
Jan 31, 2025
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Write it out, like you’re doing here! everyone has already said you’re super young so find hope and peace in that whenever you‘re panicking about what you should be doing. Don’t worry too much about love, that’s going to come at its own time. your career will take shape over time and you always have chances to change it. How do I feel grounded (context, i’m 30, feeling decently settled). I constantly make lists of what I need to do or want to do (these are separate!). Today I need to do xyz at work, I need to make plans for this weekend, I need to buy new cat food, I want to work out twice, I want to cook something with zucchini, I want to listen to a new podcast episode Some other things: I always try to have an artistic outlet. I ask questions about things I don’t know (this is everywhere, work, at the cafe, in yoga class, I Google if I’m curious). I go to therapy and when I make goals I only think of my own happiness.
Jan 22, 2025

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I love people. I love my friends, my foes, the people that ignore me, the people that tolerate me, the people I don’t know, and the people I’ll always know. My family, extended and immediate, and my strangers, around the corner or around the world. People are what I live for, and what I’m sure to die trying to appease, impress, offend, inspire, but above all else entertain and instruct. Shouts out to Taylor Cohan, Roger Hayn, Aaron Light, Isaac Reynaldo, and Rob Scharlach, Negashi Armada, Robbie Barnett, Ivy Wolk, my everydays, my homies. Shouts out to Pedro Bello, Santangelo, Francis, and the whole AdWorld team as well as Dylan and Lena Redford for the inspiration and the fun. Blu Hunt, Sally Sum, Video Expert, Alec Moeller, Ally Davis, Jackie Kramer, Brooks Skerritt, Bianca my Yung_Nihilist. Dasha (the true one), Colter Fellows, Harrison Fishman, Ben Gordon, Oliver Shahery my New York warriors. Grant, Jon, thank you for the best summer job I’ve ever had. Xander for the best spring break job I’ve ever had. Kennedy, Lily, Isabelle, Viviana, Gibson, David. Tommy, Leigh, Andy, Alex: my boys on the hustle, the movement. Thank you to my exes and my future exes for teaching me, for listening to me, for giving and for taking. Thank you to everyone who’s let me screen their film, and everyone that’s told me never to screen a film again. That’s not everyone I forgot a lot of people. Ben Friedlander. One of few I’ve seen as stressed about a film screening as me. Kate, Casey, Keenan, Edward. My film family. This sounds like a suicide note but it’s an expression of a gratitude I feel every day. I love you.
Dec 26, 2022
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It’s a given, but I like the rest of the team, love movies. The first one I saw was Scooby Doo, according to my parents. I cried when it got loud so they took me out of the theater. I love my parents. Showing movies to them is a deep pleasure of mine. Just like cooking for them, or getting them that thing they wanted for their birthday. People are surprised when I say this, but I show everything I screen to my family beforehand. They’re the Wizard behind the curtain of my programming. I talk with them about what should go first, and discuss the common themes the shorts I pick share. It makes me a better curator and programmer having my mom, dad, and sister in the room for help.
Dec 26, 2022
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I love driving. If you’ve sat in my passenger seat you’ll think this answer is bullshit, but it’s true. I drive long distances quite a lot, and I love the meditative aspects of a long trip somewhere. In the summer I drive a 1991 Mercedes 500SL my Dad and I have poured almost double its Kelly Blue Book value into, and I have a nondescript daily driver for the rest of the year. I hope I can buy more cars soon, as I want to burn more and more money on shit I love for the rest of my life.
Dec 26, 2022