đź’Ş
Two years ago I strained my feet jumping around my living room doing the HIIT exercises recommended by a YouTube channel. When I asked my husband, Jon, to massage my strained feet, he pulled on the toes, a signature move he claims is essential for releasing stagnation. But my right foot was so weakened by the jumping that when Jon pulled he induced a “Jones stress fracture” (also known as a “Jon’s stress fracture”) and landed me in a walking boot. I recovered, but my feet have never been the same and I now require a mode of massage that is safe. Which is how I came to know and love muscle guns. I’d seen such devices before, at Crunch Fitness on the Upper West Side specifically, where personal trainers use them on unwitting first-time clientele who lay on tables in the center of the weight room to be pounded and publicly humiliated into orgasmic muscular release post-workout. But because the personal trainers at Crunch are universally to be avoided, I never thought to try the guns they love. Then one day I saw a half price “Theragun” in the checkout line at Marshalls. I impulsively snatched it and threw it in my basket. At home I fired it up and gently began caressing my feet. The sensation is less pleasurable than a real massage but the next day, as if by magic, my feet were healed.
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My trainer (who has Tom Cruise eyes) got me into landmine training this spring, where you drive a barbell, with one end attached to the floor, through space super fast. When the barbell rattles, it sounds nice, it looks like ancient Olympics, and it works your big muscles and your postural muscles (scaps) without involving your spine. It’s probably the best workout after boxing. Only downside is it’s impossible to do at home, but hey. I predict $5 quite a few bourgeois landmine gyms and classes will open all over in five years — would be great, honestly…
Nov 23, 2022
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Beyond shocking development for anyone who knows me off the internet. I’ve gotten so strong and feel like a badass lifting the big bar over my head (and then waddling around the city for days afterwards remembering what I did).
Never thought I’d do something like this but I’m so glad I gave it the ole college try and am putting that rec out to anyone else who has hesitated about CrossFit specifically but wants to get stronger/have more workout structure/protect from injury (vs just running)/build gym community.
Apr 5, 2024
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I got into weight lifting for the same reason I get into most things, which is pure unbridled vanity. I read or heard somewhere in my many biohacker information channels that weight lifting is the most anti-aging form of exercise, especially for women, and so I was like on my way! I wasn’t about to pay some community college bro $100 an hour at my LA Fitness to train me though so I just googled “weight lifting classes near me” and because I live a charmed and bless life I found the fucking coolest independent gym like a mile from my house and have been going there for almost a year. Vanity aside, it just makes you feel so good all the time. I love watching myself get stronger and I love the feeling after you lift something really heavy you thought you could never have lifted and I love all the neighborhood friends I’ve made there, including former PI subject and possibly coolest girl alive Petra Cortright. (Honestly a large part of my social life takes place there?) Anyway everyone over 30 should lift weights, preserve your waning muscle mass and build up your self-esteem babe.
Oct 20, 2023
Top Recs from @allie
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My favorite mode of communication with my besties. A phone call without the phone call. A conversation without having to listen to someone else in real time. A safer, more private way to talk shit. If you aren’t volleying voice-memos back and forth between your lovers and friends, I suggest starting now and without warning. If they text you back, send them a voice-memo in response. Eventually, they will cave and start voice-memoing too. If you need an excuse for why you refuse to text, blame carpal tunnel or long press on nails.
Nov 16, 2022
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If, like me, you sometimes find it difficult to stay out until the early morning hours, partying, hosting literary salons, and maintaining a genial persona, consider foregoing Adderall and cocaine in favor of Truly Iced Tea. It has a healthy amount of caffeine in it, zero sugar, enough alcohol to get you loose but not sloppy, and can be purchased at most Duane Reade and CVS drugstores. Every flavor is good, but I especially enjoy a can of classic lemon.
Nov 16, 2022
đź’…
For years I dutifully visited the salon every two weeks to paint and fill long acrylic nails that were difficult to type with, expensive and prone to fungus. Then, COVID hit. I started going to pool parties at my friend Jamie Nelson’s house, saw her luxe red talons, impervious to salon closures, and learned the secret: press on nails. They look like a full set but are cheap, long lasting, easy to apply and easy to remove when you want to do human things like type your novel or pick up a penny. I’ve tried some fun ones on Etsy but find the best quality nails are made by the brand Kiss and are widely available anywhere basic self-care sundries are sold.
Nov 16, 2022