I think I spent most of my life thinking I had a specific lack, i.e. that I was less "real" than the people around me. Only in the last few years did I realize that our general conditions produce what feels like a personal failing... we are awash in information but not meaning; the conditions of our lives feel disconnected from a shared history or struggle; the tools or vocabulary by which we can bring "ourselves" into being keeps getting thinner and more trivial. If you feel like you're waiting for yourself to arrive, waiting to be alive to yourself in a way that makes you aware that you are free, I recommend Kierkegaard. He's lowkey a funny troll, also.
I feel you so much. I used to have extreme existential anxiety so much so that sometimes I couldnāt sleep. Lately this has changed I canāt exactly pin point why but thereās a couple of thoughts that calm me down. Firstly we as humans always think we have it all figured out and we know what happens after but even if you are atheist you donāt know whatās going to happen and probably never will. For me the fear that thereās just nothing after death just lights out was scary but how would we actually know this is going to happen, we see ourselves as omniscient although there are so many things that we will probably never discover or understand.
You have to learn how to live with the uncontrollability and uncertainty of it. Secondly time passes anyways and death is inevitable no matter what you do. If I worry or if I donāt worry Iām going to die, might as well enjoy my time. Life is absurd. I think my existential dread calmed down a bit when I started reading Camus. Maybe life doesnāt have to have a meaning. If youāre interested in philosophy i definitely recommend reading Camus or thereās also youtube videos that summarise his Philosophy. I really liked āthe fallā and āthe strangerā and am currently reading āthe myth of Sisyphusā. Maybe some of these things resonate with you :))
Nietzsche:Ā Nietzsche was a German philosopher and a cultural critic. Regarding his biography, he expressed contempt and disgust for the behavior of most and mocked them incessantly. Nietzsche believed that all philosophy is autobiographical and that our so-called āprinciplesā are really influenced by our self-interest and our physical and sensory experiences. Furthermore, he advised that we should not live an overly cautious, orderly life, risking nothing, since the outcomes that may result from taking chances may lead to personal growth. Additionally, Nietzsche argued thatĀ objective truth is impossibleāthere can only be perspectives and interpretations driven by a person's interests and experiences. For Nietzsche, it was important for each individual to find meaning in his or her own life and to live in accordance with that meaning.
sorry guys i know i've posted about the same thing like four times now but it helps me work out my ideas to see them up on here been thinking about postmodern writing and all the "critical theory" bucket of literature, how so much of it reads so cold despite having interesting ideas
it's the same thing i resent about performance theory, too detached, too intellectual with nothing underneath, i don't like things that seem like they were written only for the classroom
but then you get someone like clarice lispector (and krasznahorkai sometimes) that just knocks you over
they still use the heady language for the most part but it doesn't come off pretentious or disconnected, truly it could be said no simpler way
i think the main thing is some kind of underlying spirituality or belief in truth, whatever that might mean
maybe just sincerity
I basically want my life to feel like one of those sped up kinda shaky sexy 90s montages of a highway with streaks of headlights, the flow of the city at night, people driving in a tunnel... this song and its album give me that, every time.