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Woke up next to someone this morning, went to my computer to put on some music and when I opened it up it was just this pic of Lars Von Trier and she looked aghast and said … “who is that?”
Jan 8, 2024
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got a notification the next day that I had a match, turns out it was my coworker. and not even just my coworker, but the one who earlier that week had interviewed me for the position that i was set to start two months later. got the notification at a rest stop hour one into a 10+ hour drive from TX-TN and spent most of it shriveling up inside out of embarrassment and worried that I was going to start off the job looking like a total creep
Feb 24, 2024
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one Austin Film Fest i was on the lookout for David Lowery (director of A Ghost Story and The Green Knight). i got access to the filmmakers bbq and thought i saw him but he was engrossed in conversation. i almost chickened out but i kept googling pictures of him to make sure it was him while i psyched myself up. finally, i worked up the courage to tap him on the shoulder and ask if he was David Lowery. Reader, he was not 💀
i apologized profusely, asked him about the short film he *was* premiering at the festival, and escaped as fast as i could feeling DEEPLY MORTIFIED.
the next few days i was still on David Lowery watch and noticing that the bald, five-o-clock shadow, black skinny jean look is much more common among filmmakers than i realized lmao. thus i decided to play it safe and simply accost him after his panel the following day.
on my way to the panel, i ran into a friendly lady who was looking for the same panel, so i walked her there while telling her my embarrassing mishap and plans to finally meet the elusive director. once we arrived, she disappeared and i felt a little offended she didn’t want to sit with me. turns out SHE WAS ON THE PANEL. one of the writers for THIS IS US!! mortified AGAIN, i started rehearsing my next apology for not knowing who she was.
the panel was great, both she and David Lowery were so insightful and lovely, even making me tear up a bit. afterwards i approached her and apologized and told her how some things she said on the panel touched me. she was super gracious and then said “so i told David your story, let me introduce you to him” 💀💀💀
anyway, she made the introduction and left to talk to more people. the first thing he said was “so was it another bald guy in black skinny jeans?”
so that’s my mortifying but deeply treasured celebrity story. i finally got to meet the REAL David Lowery.
Mar 25, 2024
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Guy 1: wore his long hair in a braid one day, danced just while goofing off and he somehow made it look super attractive (reader: he can barely dance), posted a photo of himself “snowboarding” down a volcano during winter break, recruited me for his short film project that involved several takes at the end of my character hugging his character 🙈 (we’re married now)
Guy 2: wore a suit to a wedding (this man normally wore cargo shorts and tshirts he’d probably owned for a decade, which there’s nothing wrong with it was just a particularly stark difference lol)
Guy 3: merely made silent eye contact a few moments longer than usual while smiling 🫠
Girl 1: longtime friend but hadn’t seen her face in a while due to long distance and her rarely posting pictures of herself anywhere—she sent me some selfies and i was dazzled ✨
Girl 2: already thought she was beautiful and interesting but had a real “oh no” moment when her eyes lit up as she spoke passionately about her favorite Victorian novel (also when she recalled exactly where an obscure quote from an academic journal had come from, inCLUDING the year of publication 🤯)
Jul 14, 2024
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It was 4AM and I was in the home of two complete strangers, a French Canadian couple I’d met at a bar earlier that night. Initially I thought maybe they were angling for some sick sex experiment to spice up their marriage but it turns out they just wanted someone to do cocaine and talk Israel-Palestine with. I was only interested in one of those things though. I was about to go home but made one request before I left. I asked kindly if the man in capri pants, drinking a red stripe with his feet up and playing edm from a Bluetooth speaker connected to his phone would put on one song for me, Madonna’s “What It Feels Like for a Girl.” He shrugged and put it on and they went back to talking about how Israel was actually super fun or whatever and I quietly got up and started dancing. This must have surprised them because pretty soon they stopped talking and watched with horror forming on their faces. The song ended and I asked for a cigarette for the road. As far as I was concerned these people hadn’t done enough for me. Free cocaine and cigarettes were the least they could do considering the show I’d just put on for them. I don’t remember exactly how I got home, no train route from that neighborhood to mine that would make sense and no record of an Uber, but I made it home nonetheless and awoke the next day in my bed feeling pretty stupid about the whole ordeal. Nights like that make me sad, make me feel irresponsible and reckless, like I need to value my life more. I was feeling regretful and somber, I had a slight headache and if I wanted to I could cry on command, so I was in the ideal state to be seeing Mark Kozelek (red house painters, sun kil moon), one of my absolute heroes, that night at the Roxy.
Jan 15, 2024
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Because you love him.
Jan 16, 2024
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My roommate is google searching images from Lars Von Trier’s “The House That Jack Built,” pointing emphatically at Matt Dillon as the titular character, a prolific serial killer, and shouting “this bitch is Jack-made!” I have at points in my life been “the crazy bitch whisperer”… I think I’m maybe just into the high risk, under the cover of darkness, we cant be found out, there’s something deeply wrong with all this VIBE… not always, this kind of thing usually runs parallel with other self-destructive behaviors and periods in which I am simply not doing too hot! Said roommate also shouted at me recently, “yo she’s James Spader-made as fuck!”
Jan 7, 2024