Rec
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If I haven't spoken to my friend in at least three months, I start to ask if they want to send letters. If you don't communicate for months or years, you might as well send letters: they're practically just as fast but with depth and physicality! Who doesn't love some paper treasures! Plus, it provides a Victorian-drama level of yearning in waiting to continue a conversation. There is nothing I have savored more than checking for a reply after sending a letter. I open my mailbox every Sunday. I am aware of this error in logic, but I love it every time I do it. I am a child again, and I am joyfully impatient. Not only is it mail, but it's mail from a friend: the best kind.
Jan 26, 2024
Related Recs
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💌Nothing is sweeter than spontaneous mail!! Go to your local post office, buy some stamps, sit down, monologue your current feelings/thoughts/ideas/drama/complaints on paper and send it off. If you're lucky, your friends will write you back and if you're like me, you can hoard every letter you've ever received and then read them back and revel in your own nostalgia.
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💌I love hand-writing a letter. the delayed gratification of it, talking about anything and nothing, decorating it with cartoons and drawings and stickers. Sending little extras and photographs with tiny micro-playlists scrawled out on the back of it. It takes at least an hour to craft a good letter, one worth receiving and replying to, and it's intimate to think about someone nonstop for that long. I just love that form of communication.
Mar 4, 2024
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💌a few weeks ago i got the sudden urge to write all my friends a letter/postcard and now i am finding all their replies in my letterbox! let's bring back pen pals, they create infinite joy!
Oct 21, 2024
Top Recs from @blashbros
Rec
📖Books in progress (Jan 2024)
- Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky
- Chelsea Girls by Eileen Myles
- Space Struck by Paige Lewis
Essays (Jan 2024) - Home for the Holidays by Rayne Fisher Quann https://internetprincess.substack.com/p/home-for-the-holidays - Girl Clutter by Molly Soda https://mollysoda.substack.com/p/girl-clutter - It's Never Over by Eliza McLamb https://www.wordsfromeliza.com/p/its-never-over - What The Media Is Still Getting Wrong About Polyamory by Sophie Lucido Johnson https://goodenoughjob.substack.com/p/what-the-media-is-still-getting-wrong
Notes App - Movies to Watch (Currently adding All of Us Strangers, 2023 to it) - Body Check in make sure I'm not going crazy - Endless writing quotes - Stores to visit
- Chelsea Girls by Eileen Myles
- Space Struck by Paige Lewis
Essays (Jan 2024) - Home for the Holidays by Rayne Fisher Quann https://internetprincess.substack.com/p/home-for-the-holidays - Girl Clutter by Molly Soda https://mollysoda.substack.com/p/girl-clutter - It's Never Over by Eliza McLamb https://www.wordsfromeliza.com/p/its-never-over - What The Media Is Still Getting Wrong About Polyamory by Sophie Lucido Johnson https://goodenoughjob.substack.com/p/what-the-media-is-still-getting-wrong
Notes App - Movies to Watch (Currently adding All of Us Strangers, 2023 to it) - Body Check in make sure I'm not going crazy - Endless writing quotes - Stores to visit
Jan 26, 2024
Rec
Before I had unlimited data, I burned CDs to play in my car. I would save any song I loved onto a playlist, download it, burn it, create a collage CD cover in Photoshop, and print it onto card stock to keep in my car. I have at least twenty custom CDs. Themes on CDs included: Viscerally, Flow, "Run Away with Me", Strangeness, and Wistfulness. For my friend's birthdays, I would burn a CD with a list of the songs, including what each song meant to me and how that song connected to my friends. I love making the covers.
Jan 26, 2024
Rec
⭐I will warn you, that I am no therapist, and even if I were, that role doesn't often lend itself to advice. You are you, and you know what works for you better than anyone else. Also, based on your writing, I imagine you have a strong internal critic, and that is actually meaningful: there are plenty of people who don't even know they are performing moral failings, or care about how they hurt others. You are trying, and I think that needs to be honored.
Questions: While counseling is certainly helpful, it is also okay to start asking yourself personal and fundamental questions, both with your stated struggles and larger questions. Owning oneself and being proud of the person you are or are becoming matters. Additionally, questions are better than goals, as goals tend to be these rigid types of outcome measures that we degrade ourselves over if we fail to perfectly meet them while questions such as "what would a good person do in this situation" allow us to both seek our goals while not degrading ourselves. On a narrow level, this includes: What is it that my behavior does for me? what does it help manage? (In general, when someone has an issue, that might not be the source of the problem in and of itself. When someone has a pattern of behavior that they want to break but struggle to, it means it is serving as a solution for a problem that might not be directly available, like a person who struggles with such deep inner shame that is so distressing that they would rather drown it out than try to detangle the shame on a daily basis). In the case of substance abuse, like alcohol, it serves as a release or shift in your average disposition that is relieving the problem in some way, so knowing what that is may help. In my experience, alcohol can do a lot for someone: relieve them of their inhibitions, calm down the intensity of their experiences, manage distress, etc). Similarly, cheating can serve as a means of control ("I can't be hurt if I hurt someone else first", avoiding vulnerability, uncertainty in how to exist inside a committed relationship, etc). I can't say or know your reasons or what it is that gnaws at you, but if you really dig into what it is that each of your behaviors does for you, it may help you find an alternative, something that helps you address the underlying issue rather than it's resulting effects. On a larger level, the following questions may be of interest: What do you want? What kind of person do you want to be? How would that kind of person live (even inside my existing limitations)? What would living as a good person mean? What does it mean to be a bad person? Do you believe in your ability to change? why or why not?
Managing Shame: When you say you are a bad person, you are enacting shame, and I mean this in the kind way I can when I say this: no one can change with shame. Shame is an "I am" statement, arising when a person feels awful or wants to define who they are, as a claim of WHO YOU ARE, and has no room for change or growth. When you essentialize yourself as being a bad person, you are telling yourself you can't not be bad. You cannot challenge shame, only suffer under it. Guilt, however, is actionable. Guilt is an "I did" statement, and arises when we know we DID something wrong, and that is good. It is a sign of your awareness of what you care about, what you believe a person should be, and what direction of change you might want to go for: all very good information to know and have. You don't need to agree, but I will say this frankly: You are not some innately bad person, you are trying to be mindful of the things you do, and calling yourself a bad person isn't going to help you change. You already know what you feel is "bad" in your behaviors, you don't need to beat yourself into a bloody pulp about it, because you moralizing your existence without any ability to give yourself the hope of human consideration and grow means nothing improves. Additionally, dropping bad behaviors because they are bad is not a good motivator for change: if anyone has been to a D.A.R.E. class or seen a parent lecture their child knows that it's VERY hard to force a behavior onto someone. You need to sincerely know why you want to get sober, or not cheat, or work on your self-perceived moral failings). You shouldn't change because of some abstract belief of it being "the right thing" but because you feel it is directly hurting YOU and those in your life, and that you know your life would improve if you did so, or for whatever reason might best fit. Badness is not an actionable addressable issue, so how could you ever expect to change in a way to finally be "good".
Novelty: Context can help change a lot, and so changing your environment, the way you do things, etc can all really allow creating that change. When a person returns to familiar environments and performs familiar behaviors from before, our bodies and minds fall into line with what we've been conditioned to do. But when we change how we do even the most mundane things, shift our schedule, walk somewhere new, talk to new people, hell just rearrange our rooms, we are opening ourselves up for change. Disrupting your everydayness gives you the opportunity to reorganize yourself in a new way. You cannot expect yourself to change if nothing around you changes with you. You have to construct a life that supports the person you want to be. There is no way a person should be, so you have to find and play with what's right for you. (I would challenge you to remove "Should" from your vocabulary. What would your mind and world look like if you didn't have to BE any certain way? Who would you be if you were free of the constraints you put on yourself)
Help: Therapy, online resources, videos, podcasts, books! Anything! Literally, any resource that supports you, that makes your life all the better is good! I personally find therapy to be profoundly helpful, but also I try all sorts of strategies for my mental health and they failed: meditation, journaling, exercise, yoga! I tried all of it and objectively failed at maintaining it, but that's fine! Do it imperfectly! Anyone judging how you grow, change, and become the person you want needs to get off their high horse! But most importantly, and as an absolute requirement: friendships and the outdoors. No one can get better or change alone! Your friends can keep you accountable, and provide support that is physically and mentally not possible, even simply by being present with you at a given time. If you are struggling by staying in your old habits or at home, go find new people and places! Seek any support from others you can, and challenge yourself! Sometimes reaching out can seem embarrassing, uncomfortable, vulnerable, degrading, or risking rejection (all of such feelings may be drawing you to other behaviors that you might describe as harmful) but that's part of change too: change is uncomfortable, but in discomfort is a lot of joy and possibility. You will survive the discomfort, the unknown, and find something you might have never expected on the other side!
I hope some of this helps! None of the stuff here would be a quick fix, or even maybe give catharsis in the short term, but maybe it speaks to you in some way you need. You are trying and thinking about this and that matters. Keep doing your best, and even if it does take a while, I think you'll move in the direction you want for yourself :)
Questions: While counseling is certainly helpful, it is also okay to start asking yourself personal and fundamental questions, both with your stated struggles and larger questions. Owning oneself and being proud of the person you are or are becoming matters. Additionally, questions are better than goals, as goals tend to be these rigid types of outcome measures that we degrade ourselves over if we fail to perfectly meet them while questions such as "what would a good person do in this situation" allow us to both seek our goals while not degrading ourselves. On a narrow level, this includes: What is it that my behavior does for me? what does it help manage? (In general, when someone has an issue, that might not be the source of the problem in and of itself. When someone has a pattern of behavior that they want to break but struggle to, it means it is serving as a solution for a problem that might not be directly available, like a person who struggles with such deep inner shame that is so distressing that they would rather drown it out than try to detangle the shame on a daily basis). In the case of substance abuse, like alcohol, it serves as a release or shift in your average disposition that is relieving the problem in some way, so knowing what that is may help. In my experience, alcohol can do a lot for someone: relieve them of their inhibitions, calm down the intensity of their experiences, manage distress, etc). Similarly, cheating can serve as a means of control ("I can't be hurt if I hurt someone else first", avoiding vulnerability, uncertainty in how to exist inside a committed relationship, etc). I can't say or know your reasons or what it is that gnaws at you, but if you really dig into what it is that each of your behaviors does for you, it may help you find an alternative, something that helps you address the underlying issue rather than it's resulting effects. On a larger level, the following questions may be of interest: What do you want? What kind of person do you want to be? How would that kind of person live (even inside my existing limitations)? What would living as a good person mean? What does it mean to be a bad person? Do you believe in your ability to change? why or why not?
Managing Shame: When you say you are a bad person, you are enacting shame, and I mean this in the kind way I can when I say this: no one can change with shame. Shame is an "I am" statement, arising when a person feels awful or wants to define who they are, as a claim of WHO YOU ARE, and has no room for change or growth. When you essentialize yourself as being a bad person, you are telling yourself you can't not be bad. You cannot challenge shame, only suffer under it. Guilt, however, is actionable. Guilt is an "I did" statement, and arises when we know we DID something wrong, and that is good. It is a sign of your awareness of what you care about, what you believe a person should be, and what direction of change you might want to go for: all very good information to know and have. You don't need to agree, but I will say this frankly: You are not some innately bad person, you are trying to be mindful of the things you do, and calling yourself a bad person isn't going to help you change. You already know what you feel is "bad" in your behaviors, you don't need to beat yourself into a bloody pulp about it, because you moralizing your existence without any ability to give yourself the hope of human consideration and grow means nothing improves. Additionally, dropping bad behaviors because they are bad is not a good motivator for change: if anyone has been to a D.A.R.E. class or seen a parent lecture their child knows that it's VERY hard to force a behavior onto someone. You need to sincerely know why you want to get sober, or not cheat, or work on your self-perceived moral failings). You shouldn't change because of some abstract belief of it being "the right thing" but because you feel it is directly hurting YOU and those in your life, and that you know your life would improve if you did so, or for whatever reason might best fit. Badness is not an actionable addressable issue, so how could you ever expect to change in a way to finally be "good".
Novelty: Context can help change a lot, and so changing your environment, the way you do things, etc can all really allow creating that change. When a person returns to familiar environments and performs familiar behaviors from before, our bodies and minds fall into line with what we've been conditioned to do. But when we change how we do even the most mundane things, shift our schedule, walk somewhere new, talk to new people, hell just rearrange our rooms, we are opening ourselves up for change. Disrupting your everydayness gives you the opportunity to reorganize yourself in a new way. You cannot expect yourself to change if nothing around you changes with you. You have to construct a life that supports the person you want to be. There is no way a person should be, so you have to find and play with what's right for you. (I would challenge you to remove "Should" from your vocabulary. What would your mind and world look like if you didn't have to BE any certain way? Who would you be if you were free of the constraints you put on yourself)
Help: Therapy, online resources, videos, podcasts, books! Anything! Literally, any resource that supports you, that makes your life all the better is good! I personally find therapy to be profoundly helpful, but also I try all sorts of strategies for my mental health and they failed: meditation, journaling, exercise, yoga! I tried all of it and objectively failed at maintaining it, but that's fine! Do it imperfectly! Anyone judging how you grow, change, and become the person you want needs to get off their high horse! But most importantly, and as an absolute requirement: friendships and the outdoors. No one can get better or change alone! Your friends can keep you accountable, and provide support that is physically and mentally not possible, even simply by being present with you at a given time. If you are struggling by staying in your old habits or at home, go find new people and places! Seek any support from others you can, and challenge yourself! Sometimes reaching out can seem embarrassing, uncomfortable, vulnerable, degrading, or risking rejection (all of such feelings may be drawing you to other behaviors that you might describe as harmful) but that's part of change too: change is uncomfortable, but in discomfort is a lot of joy and possibility. You will survive the discomfort, the unknown, and find something you might have never expected on the other side!
I hope some of this helps! None of the stuff here would be a quick fix, or even maybe give catharsis in the short term, but maybe it speaks to you in some way you need. You are trying and thinking about this and that matters. Keep doing your best, and even if it does take a while, I think you'll move in the direction you want for yourself :)
Jan 26, 2024