Jan 26, 2024
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“death must be so beautiful…to forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace” (the bell jar)
my grandmother recently passed away; she left behind a house full of delicate treasures i intend to treat with much care.
there are a few things in life so beautiful they hurt—for me, that would be the predicament of inheritance i find myself in. how do you begin to enjoy someone else’s house full of things, if the home is empty and void of life? what is this death but a negligable accident that permits unbroken continuity?
i found this Kodak 2000 disc camera, alongside a mountain of clothes, while going through my grandmother’s treasures. these seemingly miscellaneous things she eventually grew to omit the value in—seeing as they had been tucked away at the back of her closet—now hold much value for me. they serve as reminders of all her existence and livelihood. the camera in itself is pretty useless in terms of functionality considering the fact that disc film is a discontinued still-photography film format, but the sentimental value behind it renders it’s worthiness as a collectors item [unless of course, someone knows where i can find kodacolor HR disc film 15 exp.]
Oct 20, 2024
☁️
For a good chunk of my 30 years on this Earth I’ve been helping to take care of older, sick relatives. First, my maternal grandfather who was bedridden for 4 years after a fall followed by a stroke. Then, my maternal grandmother slowly slipped into dementia until she passed on an August night a little over 2 years ago. Both lived full lives and passed peacefully. But the process of seeing them falter after knowing them as strong individuals is soul crushing.
I’m now taking care of my partner’s grandmother. While I’m not alone, this third time around of being a caretaker of a family member not directly my own confirms what I already knew: death is easier to confront than the process of dying. It’s ugly, reeks, and it is extremely hard to grapple with if you aren’t at peace with your own life.
Nevermind whatever happens at the funeral. Family members show their true colors in moments like this.
Apr 5, 2025
😃
A meditation on grief, loneliness, and redemption that never feels in danger of being pat or mawkish. Also made me feel sad and nostalgic for a time when our lives weren’t inundated with screens.
Apr 13, 2024
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Jan 26, 2024
⭐
Freak Getz and Gilberto
Jan 28, 2024