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Find a place and stick to it for a few months. Embrace the hamster wheel! Everyone in this city wants to try a new restaurant/bar/cafe and I get it because there are so many options, but having your Place and getting into a groove with it opens you up to new people and deeper understanding of those people and your surroundings! Someone else here made a post about being a regular and I wish I could remember who it was because this is kind of just piggybacking off of that! Mwah!
Feb 6, 2024
Related Recs
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a coffee shop, running club, pottery class, karaoke night etc.
Whatever thing ur into. Go to places where you can do that thing regularly.
Eventally and usually pretty organically you will begin to make friends with people. People who you probably have alot in common with because you already have a shared interest. Yay!
I moved to a new state about a year ago knowing no one. I joined an improv class and now I have a whole network of people that I never expected to know. From that network you'll meet other people and so and so on.
Feb 3, 2025
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Not in a like “change politics/volunteer” way but in a like ”people know me at the bar/coffee shop” / “i run into people at the park every time I️ go” way
Feb 4, 2024
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
Top Recs from @mayamaybe
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It’s Friday night and I’m off work late with no plans but I felt like being out in the world, even if for a moment. Turns out, a low stakes glass of orange wine tastes great when you’re waiting for a $10 burrito platter from down the street.
Feb 10, 2024
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I’ve spent so much time scrolling on this app that I’m able to discern some of your writing voices. There are a couple of you who have such a developed voice that I can guess you wrote a post before seeing the attached username.
You’re all so observant, introspective, delusional, earnest, anxious, well-rounded, hilarious and loving.
Kind of breaks my heart that I’ll likely never meet some of my favorites because we all live everywhere, but I guess that’s why we thank God for the Internet!
Mar 12, 2024