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1) speaking french (fluently)
2) british accent (cockney)
3) guessing peoples jean sizes (accurately. i can spot a 29-30 x 34 a mile away)
4) eating food out of the trash
5) running (in 4in platforms)
6) altercations (very rarely physical but this is not a non-zero chance of happening)
7) carry dressers 4x my size off the street (minimal struggling for some reason)
8) pushups
9) referring to myself as mama
10) falling in love
11) playing with candle wax until someone from behind the bar takes it away from me
12) question my gender (i would’ve been such a good boy. i’d make a better boy than i do a girl)
Feb 9, 2024
Related Recs
my inebriated mind always thinks that it is worth capturing random things…
What can I say, I am so artsy 🤗
Mar 31, 2024
Bonus points if you send them to people with some message you thought was hilarious in the moment, but in all actuality it wasn’t you were just too drunk to read it properly.
Apr 14, 2025
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I’m funny, I’m tipsy, I love the world — and I’m not broke!
Apr 7, 2024
Top Recs from @izzycapulong
every ig update reminds me of how far i am from the life i was promised. i was supposed to be working at buzzfeed making six figures writing listicles wearing those studded steve madden pumps and posting only squares with the rio dijanero filter.
every ig update is like a new gunshot to my already bleeding body. they’re useless and unwanted. idgaf about turning my feed to rectangles. show me who unfollowed me. next update is gonna be a tab with two buttons: one sucks your dick and the other shoots you in the face except you don’t know which one is which. honestly i’d rather have that instead of the rectangles. Modernity I Rebuke You.
Jan 17, 2025
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i feel like an 80s mobster. or a 19th century bachelor with an unfortunate attraction to bohemia. someone who would’ve been called a rake in those days bc i was dancing with married women and gambling and learning french instead of carrying on the bloodline or courting duchesses.
Feb 9, 2024
i fell up the escalator at the union square station and ended up with this bruise on my thigh that quite literally spells out HI. if it is who i hope it is then thats cool. if its not then thats also ok too because this is the coolest shit ever. i feel like that guy in glee when he found the grilled cheesus. here’s the bruise with the photo edited for clarity i promise im not unwell just turn up your brightness. let me think about the dead people i know whose birthdays could be coming up.
Feb 6, 2024