Trying to change my mind about how everything went
When the historian on the radio said
"There is nothing in the world more dangerous
than a defeated army headed home. Stay inside, civilian."
I think this is the second time I‘ve talked about this on this app but in 2016, i was almost at the site of the Brussels airport bombing. It killed 35 people and the only reason I wasn’t there was that I saw a beautiful old woman drinking her bright red orange juice outside in the early fog of Ghent and I missed my train by 30 seconds because I stopped to see the color. When I survived, I knew I had to come back to the US and transition. For weeks afterwards, transportation in the region was a mess. I first heard this song during that time and it’s haunted me since: “Maybe tomorrow honey / some place down the line, I’ll wake up older / so much older, mama / I’ll wake up older and I’ll just stop all my trying.”
Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
I'd rather you come back now and got my stories.
I've got whole lives of stories that belong to to you.
I could fill you up with stories,
stories I ain't told nobody yet,
stories with your name, your blood in them.
Ain't nobody gonna hear them if you don't
and you ain't gonna hear them unless you get back home.
When I am dead, it will not matter
how hard you press your ear to the ground.
