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Call your parents when you feel lost

Today I called my mom because my life feels really out of control right now. I’ve been trying to do it all by myself but today I broke down. Today I felt like I couldn’t fight anymore. This is what she said to me: “I love you. I know who you are. You know who you are. Everything is fine. I will always be here with you.”

@marcosporto

Mar 5, 2024

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What is a good mother?

My mom is a wounded person that has never once worked on her issues. We are in an okay place now, honestly because I am now married and have children. If it wasn’t for that, I don’t know where I would stand with her. She very obviously did not like me for most of my life (which is crazy because I’m delightful!). Because of that, I spent years not speaking to her while I worked on healing from all of that, plus more. I’ve been thinking about your question a lot. I am a mother, but I also work with mothers. I am a child therapist that not only works with children, but also their parents. Most parents that bring their kids to me love their children, but don’t know what to do. I’ve witnessed parents that I know love their children, and I’ve seen give them so much love, also act in ways that are toxic or abusive. I think every single parent has generational trauma unless they have intentionally worked on it. I’m going to try to share some of my thoughts, although it will probably never feel complete or right. I am a good mother to a 3 1/2 year year-old and eight month old, Here is what I intentionally do: I give lots of physical affection, and lots of praise. I praise my children when they are doing some thing that is helpful, that is kind, that I know is difficult for them. I try to ignore negative bids for attention as long as they are not dangerous. If my child makes a mistake, I react like it’s no big deal. If I do lose my cool, which does happen, I model how to regulate myself and I apologize. I always repair when it’s needed. Every day, I work in telling them how much I love them, and how happy I am that I get to be their mother. My 3 1/2 year-old is still sometimes slow to warm, and I never once pushed him to detach for me before he was ready. When something stops working, I take the time to see where I need to adjust. Just about every evening I run through our day and think about what went well or didn’t, what was going on, how I reacted, how I was feeling, how my kids were feeling. As parents, we need to lead the emotional environment. I will sometimes look up where my kids are at developmentally to make sure I am not putting too much demand on them. I let my 3 1/2 year-old negotiate. I think negotiation is an important skill. When I say no, he knows I’m serious. It’s clear when negotiating is not going to happen. I pay attention to their attitude and behaviors and lead them to what will best regulate them. I embrace and engage their curiosity. I try my best to be a safe person for them so that no matter what, they know I’ve got their backs. There is so much more that I could say, but I am going to stop there. All of that works for me because I am me, and my kids are who they are. I feel I should shout out my husband because he is an active father and partner, and I can be a good mother because of that support. As my kids age, I know there are going to be struggles. I know there are going to be things that come out of left field for me and I’m going to have to figure out how to handle it. But what I’ve learned in the few years I've been a parent is that no hard period lasts forever. I learned how to be a mother because I learned how to mother myself first. I spent a lot of years learning how to care and love for myself. I feel very, very grateful for my past self. Focus on that first. Become Your Own Mother.

@mossyelfie

Nov 18, 2024

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mothers

Just saw a girl from my lecture get dropped off by her mom and it made me so emotional. She waited in the same spot till her daughter walked completely away and watched the entire time. Such a raw feeling it is to think about your parent tending to you like a kid even as an adult. It was so beautiful, shoutout moms

@fatherdaniella

Oct 17, 2024

Top Recs from @sydisstupid

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protesting!!!

it’s the very least we can do. one of the few things america has gotten right is allowing us to protest the government and that’s exactly what we should be doing right now. there are multiple ways of protesting including going to marches, boycotting, addressing your representatives directly, and voting “uncommitted“ in the upcoming primaries to communicate to the democratic party that they are not acting in the people’s interests and that we will not support biden if he continues to fund this occupation and the deaths of tens of thousands of people. please do your part because you’d want people to do the same if it was you in this situation. i’ve linked a list of upcoming protests around the world. please use it. <3

@sydisstupid

Mar 3, 2024

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boycotting‼️

starbucks mcdonald’s  burger king  nestle  nutella  l’oréal  shea moisture  chevron  pizza hut domino‘s kfc subway hardee’s papa john‘s hobby lobby chick fil a dunkin’ donuts coke & all coke products disney & marvel (you can pirate them instead) amazon trader joe’s wendy’s lay’s dell chipotle moe’s since boycotting i’ve started cooking lot and making myself little treats and it’s great!! let’s use our power as consumers!! please!!!

@sydisstupid

Feb 4, 2024

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its gotta be cunt

so versatile. i’ve yelled it at people i hate. i’ve also yelled it at people i love. serving cunt. you’re a cunt. cuuuuunt 👏👏👏!!! you fucking cunt! and so on

@sydisstupid

Mar 7, 2024