Is there anything more fucking soul crushing than job hunting? Endlessly putting yourself out there, weighing up whether you are good enough for a role or not, waiting for a reply that never comes…
I’m at the point where I hope for rejections, they are better than no reply and usually you get some kind or reason. I’ve never been a career person so when I finished uni I was at a complete loss. Finally found a job I love and want to make my career but it pays so poorly I can’t stay afloat and I’ll probably have to give it up.
In June of 2023 I quit my job as a news producer after two years. I had a “mini retirement“ or whatever name it has now before it was trendy. I didn’t quietly quiet. I literally quit. I’ve written poems, won awards for poems, worked on my novel, abandoned my novel, come back to my novel, solo traveled, slept in, got into block printing, planted a garden, gone to concerts, tried to untangle the knot of anxiety inside of me, helped take care of my grandparents, done yoga, read books, watched movies. Now I need a job again. I want to do something I’m proud of. I want to keep this life I’ve cultivated outside of the traditional career. I’m terrified I will never be hired, that I’ve tarnished after these two years of living. Somehow doing the very things we’re on earth to do — create, try, experience — has hindered me. This fear is only being validated with every rejection letter in my inbox. It seems that I’m asking for too much. I don’t care that I’m young. The scope I’m looking through may be narrow but it’s all that I have.
The job market is not good right now. If you have savings or can gig work while you search then leaving is an option. If you don't then I would say try to white-knuckle your way through.
