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It’s April and there’s a mosquito in my room.
The mosquito asked me how I was doing.
I waved my hand.
Hopefully, that wasn’t rude.
Apr 8, 2024

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exam tomorrow, impostor syndrome, fear, regret, frustration.
I found a spider on my bathroom wall, I decided to chat with her for a little while. I warned her not to crawl on me when i’m sleeping or on my bed, and kindly asked not to have babies. I also gently asked her not to go into my dirty laundry or when I put it in the washing machine, she will die. I don’t wanna kill her, she lives in my house too, since she can’t pay rent I asked for some pest control activities, I hope she will agree to these terms. my little silent roommate, I have decided it’s name will be Fern. I hope Fern will bring me luck for my exam tomorrow, next time I see her I shall tell her about it.
thanks Fern, goodnight and eat well.
May 29, 2025
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I was sitting on the steps to my house with my friend Evan. We were about 2 or 3. There were hundreds of ants on the sidewalk below us. Evan reached down and started smushing them. I turned to him and told him to stop: “How would YOU feel if you were an ant and someone smushed YOU?” A patronizing lesson in empathy… Interestingly, I had open heart surgery around the same time and spent days in the hospital, but this memory is much more visceral. Love this question.
Apr 2, 2024
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during a fire drill in first grade, a jumping spider bit me. i wasn’t doing a thing to him and i think what upsets me most is that he couldn’t assess my vibes to know i wasn’t a threat. i had a really mean teacher and i tried to tell her, but she angrily shushed me, as we weren’t allowed to speak during fire drills. i accepted my fate and figured she would be sorry later.
i remember wistfully staring out the window as my mom drove me home, coming to terms with the end of my life. i didn’t tell her, for fear of worrying her. i peacefully ate my final dinner when i got home (velveeta mac and cheese, which i hated then and i still do now. but again, i didn’t want to complain as my mom would have a bigger issue at hand when she went to go wake me up in the morning.)
i went to bed without a fuss. said goodbye to my then two year old sister, took a look around my room and gave a sigh. this was it. and i went to bed knowing i had lived a long, good six years of life.
well, dear reader, i am here writing this 20 years later. so rest assured, i did survive. but i think my rational (?) thought in that moment helped me work through a lot of existential stuff at an early age. so i guess that’s cool.

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