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I became a betta fish puffing up at my reflection.
Even a mirror could take me out.
What a silly way to go.
Every deep regret has come from my expanded body.
I do care I am soft I am coming back
To you
May 20, 2024
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Really i am coarsing through your veins. Bleeding you out. Striking a cord. Relinquishing my spine. Relegating autonomy to the massive misogyny. Reckless. unstable and a brat. Something to say at the least appropriate moment, It was us all along. The flute stayed in tune. I decided long ago I would stay. Only to let go of who I actually was. Be there when you can. You never were. Bribe your way to my heart. Lend a helping hand. Decide to be yourself. The glass shatters and I reflect on myself and who I used to be. Bad bad bad. All the same to me, I donāt care if you die of thirst. Your green with envy and it shows. Quite the pussy cat. The elixer is mid greatfuly so. I take my bath and lay myself bare. It shows. Just where have you been. All the while I have been searching and finding no release as to who I want to be. I choose this time. I decide where to put it. Wide awake and endlessly falling asleep.
Mar 1, 2025
In threefold lives and twofold tears I hold my breath but I canāt pretend itās not happening anymore. I keep finding myself saying āweāre graduatingā again and again with no intonation because I truly donāt know what to feel. Maybe itās a manifestation or maybe itās just a recognition of the eventual, the eventuality of the end of the various hues Iāve been painted with at scad. In my minds eye lives a collage of all of the people whom Iāve cherished for four, (or five years if you count dual enrollment), to say I love them is an egregious understatement. To say I will miss them is simply diminishing an actuality. With me I carry this collage of love it keeps me warm when I am cold, and tender when I am stone. I helped me grow into my bones. Seen me and shone, people Iāve adored. I leave this place adorn with knowledge and love and a want for more.Ā Ā Chest heave practical in armor, holding onto the alternate dream of me, hoping, hoping for an offer, offering a life I am to live, if I just turn and run, if I just turn and run this time, lime green coconut leaves, spotted bedroom sheets, but the change is making me feel like iāve already tried to hold myself a million little times,Ā Ā I try again, felicity in the way I falter, tell you endlessly, screaming colors of the ocean, push me in I adore it, let me live, I pour it out, strangers color me in the night, pieces of each of our mind, in a way we see each other demise each time, turn in, torn into sequins, sequential nightmares, its going to just end, in a way that I sink through the sun, into I construe again, I was just eighteen when I started this, made some friends I cherish, even, even if I lose them, Iāll still have a memory, of my beloveds smiling back at me, seen me grow, seen me weak, bleeding in through my knees, crying on their shoulders, painful hollow little laughter, walking through a tunnel, holding onto each other, Iāll love them like no other like a dream, no other could it be, in my perfect dream, many lifetimes lived with thee.Ā
May 4, 2025
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Soon I'm starting college and leaving my home. My parents, my family, the houses I grew up in, the towns I know, they all will shrink in the rearview as the roads become unfamiliar. Outisde the window, the budding fields will flower, then grow sparse, then livestock will graze until on all sides surrounds a desertscape split by a lonely road.
Im not scared of the sand or what lies at the horizon line. I'm just anxious about meeting this chrysalis. Will I remember the green hue of my catapillar skin? What about the grasses that keep me safe?
I know my childhood isn't lost; the butterfly or moth I become will have the same guts. It's just honestly hard for me to accept how much childhood I've already spent. Hard to lay rest to the virtues and aspirations a young larva once held so tightly.
We're always crysalizing, constantly cocooning; simultaneously one thousand larva one thousand cacoons one thousand moths. I guess I just convinced myself to enjoy it.
May 8, 2025
Top Recs from @cheyenne
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i started doing this because Im scared of sleep paralysis and my theory is that this prevents it. but in addition to all that, it makes vivid dreams
May 21, 2024
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Iām writing this for myself too, I havenāt been organized enough to actually do it. But how sexy would it be! To know why Iām feeling like burning down a bank
May 21, 2024
a doc about life in the florida villages, shot in such a beautiful way
I honestly donāt know how they got some of those shots
May 21, 2024