I smoked for the first time when I was 15, and was smoking pretty much daily by the time I was 16. While I do give it some credit for helping me get out of my abusive relationship at the time (It made me realize that I actually wanted to have fun and live my life), It was very much a substitute for any actual proccessing, healing, or coping. It gave me a false sense of inner peace. It gave me a false sense of outer peace as well, because I was so avoidant of any kind of conflict.
I quit because Iād experienced trauma and it began to put me into really scary experiences where I wasnāt quite sure if I was losing my mind or not. I quit when I also quit drinking, which was almost 13 years ago now.
Weed is the only substance I ever miss. Sometimes I wish I could just dabble a little bit and throw on some Planet Earth, but it is always so apparent that when I am craving it I am also very stressed out. If engaging with all of my other healthy coping skills works, then I didnāt actually need it in the first place.
I sometimes wonder if when Iām old, Iāll fuck around with it again because at that point, why not?