as someone else already mentioned, tell stories, jokes, things you’ve been too afraid to say or never got the chance to, small details that you love about her, her influence on you and your sister… as difficult as this time may be in the moment, i look back on my time with my dad in hospice with so much gratitude, knowing i and my family were there with him in his transition, it is such a powerful thing, but certainly not easy. Go easy on yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for support from those you can. people really do want to help you during this time, they aren’t just saying so. speak to your mom even when you think she isn’t/can’t listen. And hopefully you can find solace in the fact she will no longer be suffering and you gave her the best transition you could manage. Sending lots of love
May 24, 2024
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My heart goes out to you and your family, this kind of this is never easy and is generally pretty fucking terrible all around. I lost my mom in 2018 after a pretty prolonged and slow to cease battle with cancer.
When she was in end-of-life care something small that helped her feel a bit better was trying to make the space as homey as possible. Lots of pictures, her favorite blanket, and a friend of hers even brought some large stuffed animals that lived on her bed. It was something small that helped in the immediate moment.
I also echo everyone here saying to prepare for the grief but also prepare to sit with it for longer than you think you’ll need. I was only home for about a week after she passed before going back to school across the country, and not having my family/hometown network to grieve with really stunted and prolonged my healing process.
Also a bit bleak, but my mom and I were able to have a sort of ”closing” convo where we said goodbyes, and she told me her wishes for me, etc. if you’re able, it was a really powerful conversation to have and something I hold close when I’m having a particularly hard grief day (which still happen 6 years out! All part of the process)💛
May 24, 2024
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I watched my brother die of cancer at 22 when I was twelve, as well as my uncle of brain cancer and a few other members of my family. I then had a similar type of rare sarcoma cancer that my brother did when i was 20, and I was just talking to friends about this last night!
I think the most powerful thing we can do as humans is understand our mortality. Once we understand that we're just meat sacks with no universal truth beside death, we can exist in a manner that aligns with meaningful connection.
I advise you tell people things you need to tell them, whether you love them or you think something they're doing is not serving them.
Be justified and trusting in all your decisions for yourself because you have to now.
I'm so sorry this is coming as a shock to you so suddenly. this is hard shit to reckon with at first. But just like my brother said while being interviewed on CNN during our MLB ballpark tour raising awareness in '06:
"I live every day like I'm dying"
Jul 25, 2024
my mom passed away last year, and today would have been her 54th birthday
so, i grabbed ice cream and i took it to the river. my mom and i used to get ice cream and eat it by the river a lot. my mom loved ice cream. chocolate ice cream. and she loved rivers. i also love rivers. they remind me of my mom.
grieving is hard. and it’s hard every single day. but taking moments like this — to do things that my mom and i loved to do together — reminds me of how grief is just love with nowhere to go.
today i’m basking in the love that my mom had for me, the love she had for ice cream, for rivers. and i’m sitting in how much i love her. a love that feels trapped inside me. buried. most days it feels like anger and despair and regret. but today i’m focusing on the love. how lucky i was to have a mom who made loving her so easy!
happy birthday, mom. i love you immensely
Feb 7, 2025
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Sorry but getting a good glass or little tchotchke from a bar is the most fulfilling exhilarating experience
Feb 23, 2024
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this is a rule i like to employ for myself, as a chronic procrastinator, mostly in regards to my knitting but also for many other things in life: job applications, finishing a book, framing something, etc. These things become big projects in our mind, in need of completion, usually making them into these large and daunting monsters! The shame and guilt we put our ourselves and our procrastinations is so toxic and unhelpful, so instead of having these things sitting around reminding us of our inability to complete them, just get rid of it entirely. Put the project away, completely out of sight, throw our the little craft, put the book on the bookshelf. these time limits are not meant to apply pressure or increase urgency but like an expiration date, like closing all your tabs on your computer but IRL. If i’ve had a project sitting around unfinished for more than a couple months, a year, etc. no matter how much I like it and know i could finish it, i take it apart, throw it out, whatever. if it is meant to be you can always start it again, from a place of mental clarity and renewed enthusiasm! Don’t add it to your physical and mental load, just get rid of it 💖
Mar 23, 2024