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At the point in my life where I always wanted to be, but now feeling stuck in a stagnancy because I’m not sure what to do next.
I’m holding myself back, but I don’t know from what.
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Currently I am finding it rather difficult to find myself in this world and what I want to do. Being 21 and in college really puts a lot of pressure on you when your peers are entering their last year at university. I’ve never known what I want to do, i’ve never had a lifelong dream of becoming something. I never had that feeling. Out of high school I had no idea what to do with my life so i copied another persons life instead of taking my own route. I realized then this is never a good idea you should always be yourself. The issue is I don’t know myself, I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know what I want to become career wise. I have many lifelong goals and plans for my future like getting married, starting a family, and moving to a beautiful house preferably outside of lakeway it’s just the roadblock of how I’m gonna do all of that. Career and money really puts a lingering constant pressure on me and it is genuinely one of the worst feelings in the world. Seeing your peers grow up and get internships and jobs and opportunities when you have no clue whatsoever what you want to do is rough. I do believe somewhere in my mind that I will randomly find a calling or a passion and turn that into a well paying career. But for now i’m stuck.
6d ago
There’s something I feel like I’m chasing all the time. I catch glimpses of it when I’m relaxing in nature or when I’m with friends. Like the desire to settle but I just can’t.
Jan 18, 2025
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I have the worst fear of staying in one place for too long (both literally & metaphorically) but I think what’s even more dangerous than that is the desire to stay in that rut forever even though it’s not serving you !! That happens to me because I’m so scared of failing or to be seen trying for something but not reaching it in the end.
I am feeling so inspired after coming home from a concert & I am allowing myself to bask in that sense of renewal !! Like wow it’s okay that I want to write again despite not doing so for months now! It’s okay that I’m getting into photography again after not honouring my commitment to practise it in the past few months! I am learning more and more from personal experience + observation that some doors only open at the right time and there are times when the right thing to do is to actively pursue something, while there are times when we have to sit still + wait and see
Jul 17, 2024
Top Recs from @larsong
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I think I’m not a very good friend, but I’m not sure how to fix my behavior. I just keep getting in my own way.
Aug 4, 2024
New novel by Rachel Cusk—sharp, insightful, surprising. Finished this one over a week ago, and I’m still unpacking all the ground she covered here… One of our best living writers
Jul 25, 2024
Brilliant shoegaze album that’s been the defining sound of my 2024. Adore her voice
Aug 2, 2024