It's easy to get trapped in the intense emotions of those moments, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Try to distance yourself from the event as much as you can (don't take your work home, do something you enjoy after work, take a de-stressing nap, etc.) I've been in various support positions for over 10 years at this point, and you eventually start to get a thick skin for the irrational jerks out there, but here are some methods you can use to reframe things when it feels like too much:
- Think about the relative importance of the task at hand. So many things we get bogged down with in our day to day work is practically meaningless in the grand scheme of things. "We're not saving lives." is a phrase I hear quite a bit, so unless you actually are, it might help to think of how ridiculous it is for the person on the other end to get worked up over something not going as planned.
- Consider your worth as an individual in that moment. Just because your job is to help others doesn't mean it's not their job to treat you like a fellow human. I've had several managers over the years that have really stepped up in situations that escalated past the point of reason. Those moments helped me realize I should be advocating for myself more.
- Remember you're not responsible for other peoples' reactions. I have seen people start fuming over the most basic of obstacles, while others have approached fairly large problems with a completely calm, collected demeanor. Even if you were at fault for something that got messed up, an explosive reaction from the other side just exposes the type of person they are. It's not about you or your competence!
Hang in there, and I hope some of this helps
Aug 13, 2024
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whenever i find myself in these situations i remind myself that we are all subject to the same cycles of suffering, the same grasping and the same resistance to change. i can recall many times where i have been an annoyance or a negative person and it's usually due to an internal problem that i'm dealing with. i like to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember that their behavior is likely a result of their own suffering.... always reminding myself that the negativity of others is not mine to carry. i think that the western way of thinking (huge emphasis on self-centeredness, individuality, seeking for power) allows us to slip into this headspace, where you are upset with others for not doing things the way you would or simply doing things that disrupt our own activities, very easily. it's not necessarily your fault but more so how we've been conditioned... practicing compassion seems easy in theory but can be very hard in practice sometimes. providing yourself with gentle reminders about the truths of our silly little existence is the best way to counteract the irritation you feel at times. remind yourself that we are just little animals and that these feelings are just weather and it will pass.
Jan 29, 2025
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Itās a skill that only gets less scary with practice. Do it with people you wonāt ever see again, and do small things! As you get more confident then you can level up to bigger conflict. Like, itās really amazing how much things arenāt that big of a deal. Anxiety makes it seem to us like weāre unsafe for stating our needs.
My journey was one that included a lot of therapy, which if you look at my stuff I recommend a lot. I was always very willing and able to stand up for others, but not myself, so I did a lot of questioning āif this was someone else, would I be okay with it?ā and imagining that I was standing up for younger me. Often times over the top people pleasing was a survival tool that was needed, but isnāt any more.
Alsoā¦ realize you donāt have to be a bitch. Asking for respect and your needs to be met isnāt bitchy. Does that mindset stop you from standing up for yourself? Conflict can be very simple, straightforward, and respectful. If someone goes off on you, thatās their issue. And thatās something that helped me a lot too- other peopleās reactions werenāt entirely because of me. If someone reacted poorly, I could also draw boundaries with how Iām being treated. Pretty cool. Makes me feel like I can handle anything.
Lastly, I worked as a caseworker with DCFS for a few years and that really helped me in the long run. I had to work with and try to help people that hated me, and I learned a lot. While I donāt recommend anyone work for DCFS bc itās a shit system, being forced to experience conflict so much did the trick.
Jul 22, 2024
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a lot of the time we become so upset, sad, or disappointed in a person or situation that we donāt realize that weāre making it worse, for ourselves at least, by reacting in anger or gloom or resentment. these days, i often tend to ask myself if something is worth stressing over and then take it from there. if it is, i can evaluate my feelings accordingly and if its not, i can then focus on myself and direct my energy towards something that makes me feel good. thatās how i interpret āprotect your peaceā
Jan 29, 2025
Top Recs from @theclack
The perfect lil snack for when you donāt want a big snack
Apr 3, 2024
Here it is, folks! Volume I of what could very well be a continuous project. Thank you so much to everyone that submitted - I smiled the entire time I was putting this together. It's best listened to with headphones āŗļø
Liner Notes:
This collection of field recordings is a collaborative effort with users of PI.FYI, each of which recorded their own pieces. It features audio from all over the world and exhibits eclectic moments from London Underground commutes to cuckoo bird calls in Dhaka to the sounds of a century-old American diner.
Online communities like PI.FYI often represent a diverse set of people, places, and experiences, but together, the submissions form a living collage that highlights the commonalities of modern life - a unifying message for such a tumultuous time. The first track features all of the sounds played at once in an attempt to create an audio snapshot of an online community but in their offline lives.
The individual recordings are unedited except for minor gain and compression adjustments for consistency across the collection.
Mar 29, 2025
