Related Recs

🫂

losing friends doesn't make you a bad person

i have to repeat this to myself every day since my therapist told me that. it's not my fault most of my friendships didn't last, it's not my fault that i am my own person and i couldn't be what others wanted me to be. i've always been introverted and pretty lonely but it's so hard to be in your mid 20s and still having no one to hang out with. if i had no online friends i'd struggle to stay positive but they remind me that kind people exist and that i can find true connections too, i just have to be patient i guess.

@st4teofgrace

34m ago

🫂

I feel for you

I healed a lot of attachment issues and it is a lot of work you need to do, coupled with the healing that can only be done through relationship. First and foremost, our attachment issues always start with our parents. Sorry about it. You are going to have to go into the pain of not getting what you needed in childhood. Even the best parents with the best intentions don’t always get it right. Once you not only understand where it comes from, but also free up some of the emotional space it is taking up, you can begin the process of becoming very aware of the thoughts and feelings that come up when you become fearful or avoidant. This is probably the heaviest part of the work. You are going to have to question all of your thoughts and feelings. Having a therapist you are working with can be really helpful in this process because they simply can provide an outside perspective. Let’s say you have a wound from being cheated on in the past, and your partner is not texting you back right away and you start to spiral. first, you need to take some deep breaths and regulate yourself. Then you need to start questioning. Has this person given you a reason to not trust them? do you still have feelings you need to feel regarding the last time you were hurt? What is the fear? Are there actually things you need to discuss with your partner? The more you are able to question, the more discerning you can be on what is your intuition and what is your wounding. A personal story: I still have anxiety that comes up when my husband works late. It is both that I think he is dead, or that he could potentially be cheating on me. I know exactly where those fears come from (thanks dad!), and there is literally no reason to believe that they would be true. I literally imagine those thoughts as a younger version of myself, and I visualize giving that part of me a lot of love. I am regulating myself by imagining me regulating with child me. A big thing for me was going slowly in relationships and really becoming more aware of red flags. You are never going to find a perfect person, but there are things that will be an obvious issue for you. On the other hand, there are issues that can be resolved with communication. Us avoidant types don’t want to be in that process, but that process is important. Unfortunately, the only way that you can learn to be trusting in relationships by practicing being trusting in relationships. TLDR: focus on healing and exploring with yourself first, then slowly work to be in relationship.

@mossyelfie

Jul 9, 2024

🧑

friendship breakups

Despite being the person who pushes people away, I always have a good enough reason. I so strongly believe your circle defines who you are before it was packaged as a self love affirmation. It seemed very obvious as a concept. Anyways, I had a huge group of friends and cut of all but 2 because of a silly fight which had nothing to do with me since I've always believed in quality over quantity. But this decision proved to be so wrong when the two who are dating btw, became druggies and really shitty friends. So much so that my mom warned me about them. I have now opened my eyes and really understood the depth of how much I blindly trusted them and how they fucked my life over. Maybe they meant it, maybe they didn't but I am so not gonna stick around to find out. I am a leaver. Bye bye bitch. I just can't believe I let it get to this point. Sorta disappointed how I am not as adult as I thought I was.

@beadaboobie

6d ago

Top Recs from @dyarkin

🖋

delete bumble

I’ve been on like 5 bumble dates till now and two of them were the worst experiences ever, the other three were ok. I feel like there is a pressure on everyone to find someone, this pressure came upon me thanks to my therapist🥰✌️🥰✌️🥰she said to me, you are going to uni and never been in a relationship wtf is wrong with u🥹❤️🥹❤️ sooo I stumbled upon bumble and other dating apps and my first date was me getting sexually assaulted 😋😭😔🤪🤫💕😬🇺🇸 then somehow I continued going on dates with just girls bc fuck men am I right? and they were just basically a waste of time 😁 now after my fifth and hopefully final date from a dating app, I am officially quitting this. I feel so worthless trying to show myself off by just some lousy pictures and a one liner that says nothing about me. I just want to live on my own and like someone not by how they want to be seen, but how they actually are I feel so ashamed of even being on a dating app sometimes, that I get depressed. I get this feeling that I am superficial and just desperate for attention. I need the validation of someone I don’t even know to feel like I am worth something. Not being loved till now has made me feel like I am worth nothing, that nobody will ever want me or need me. That is why I continue doing this shit and I am stopping TODAY wish me luck😬🥰🚬🥺🤪🚬😬👈🥰🦅😮‍💨

@dyarkin

Aug 15, 2024

🌀

chıllıng on the beach

go in the water, come back to the shore, sit under an umbrella and read your book while you listen to the sound of the sea crashing onto the shore and repeat.

@dyarkin

Aug 19, 2024

🎵

doıng thıngs on your own

I used to be so scared of going out alone or doing anything alone. But some of my hobbies do not match with my friends so I was either gonna do them myself or not at all. If you want to go see a movie go do that, it really gives you a big push and makes you feel so much better. Yes, you do need your friends and close ones but you don’t have to rely on them to go do something that you’d want. I went to a concert a couple of weeks ago alone, which was the first big thing I did alone and it really showed me that I can do it! Punch your anxiety in the face lol Start with small stuff and make your way up! Highly recommend

@dyarkin

Aug 5, 2024