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it’s how you carry yourself, not how you look

I realized a few years ago that my desire and attempts to look a certain way were failing. It wasn’t realistic, and it was making me feel inauthentic, empty, and unhappy. Cameras capture every thing, so it’s easy to dwell on imperfections. But that’s not how people experience you. It’s not how others think about you or see you. Imagine how critical you are of yourself and imagine someone else being that critical of another person. You’d think there’s something wrong with them! Who focuses on a person’s looks that much! Get a life you misery! That’s how we treat ourselves. There’s an epidemic happening where everyone wants and is going out and getting the same face. The same body. It’s so boring. Your “flaws”—as society has taught you to think about them—are not flaws. They make you unique. Memorable. They make you beautiful. To love yourself is active resistance in an economy fueled by obsession over flaws and unhappiness. One of the actors in White Lotus, Aimee Lou Woods has some objectively flawed teeth. But that’s what makes her so unique, so special. So cute! They make her attractive because she’s unapologetic about them. Embracing my big goofy smile and big ears and crinkled crows feet makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. That feeling is so powerful. It spreads to other parts of your life and attracts people to you. It’s how you carry yourself, how you move in the world, engage with other people— not how you look.

@Shadowbeni

Mar 29, 2025

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You are only mundane to yourself because you are so familiar— to everyone else you are new

Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way— that’s really crummy, and I’m sure that once you feel that way everything feels like confirmation of being unspecial. But in a very very real way, you might be bored with yourself because you know yourself so well— other people don’t know you. You could walk into a bar or a cafe or an event and you would be new to at least one person there. If you feel like you aren’t interesting conversationally, are you a good listener? In a very honest way, the people I’ve found hottest and most intriguing are always good listeners, and people who are quiet and incisive. It’s okay if you don’t talk on and on; a lot of “interesting” people are just filling space with noise. Noise is always briefly exciting or interesting, but that doesn’t mean it has substance or adds value. Trust me on this, I’m a performer and frankly so many nights I’m just making noise. So first piece of advice is, approach yourself as if you were a stranger— look at everything about you like you’ve never ever seen it before, and start to notice what you like. Then build on those things. Like, it’s okay if you hate your clothes, but do you have one jacket/shirt/earring that you love? Wear that so much, and slowly look out for pieces that make you feel like the thing you love— it’s okay if it takes time, the outfits that make me feel dynamic are all cobbled together from stuff I found over years. Then look at other people, what do you find interesting about them? I am a knockoff of every woman I ever thought was cool— my summer camp counselor, my gender studies TA from my first year of college, my mom, and literally everyone else. That’s okay though, mimicking what you like is a way of developing your taste, and you will put yourself together in a way that’s a little different and totally your own. It’s okay if it takes time— sometimes we have seasons where we don’t like ourselves a ton, but they do pass, and who you will be in a year is a brand new person— you haven’t met them yet, and you might love them. Tiny practical advice? Go for walks; it’s good for your body, it releases endorphins, and it gives you a chance to people watch/observe nature. Read something small; it can be a single poem, or an essay, or a children’s book— I love Howl’s Moving Castle and if I’m feeling stuck in a rut I read that, even though it’s a children’s book. If reading isn’t your thing watch a movie or a TV episode, but whatever you consume, watch it and take notes, like you‘re a secret critic— note what you liked, whether it’s costumes or language or the vibe, and what you didn’t, and then you can find more things like it— that’s how you develop your own taste, and it’s a good way to develop language around art and media. All critics and essayists and everyone whose job is to write interestingly about art started with shit they liked in middle school, and built on that to find their own language— you can do that too. Sorry for the hugely long post, but I promise that you are more interesting than you give yourself credit for, and there are people in the world who will see that.

@nadiyaelyse

Feb 19, 2024

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you are more interesting than you think

It’s incredible how many people genuinely think they are boring. There have been so many times I’ve spoken with people and they confess that they think that they haven’t done much with their life, or that they don’t have much interesting to talk about, but it’s almost never the case. From what I can tell, it’s often caused by a lack of knowing thyself. Or maybe a low self esteem? I’ve been through it too, and it is so so not true for anyone. You’ve done so much living. Why do you feel like your story is not worth telling? I know you’ve gone through some crazy shit once or twice. if you really haven’t, what’s stopping you from getting out there and creating stories to talk about? Start small! go to a coffee shop once a week. See if they have any clubs to join, and try that out! you’ll be making memories in NO TIME. If you have trouble finding meaningful/fun conversation, just remember that the effort must flow both ways. You are merely just working with what the other person is providing you, and if they aren’t giving you anything to work with, it’s not your fault. You aren’t boring, you are just around people who dont vibe with you. And that’s okay! Not every person is going to be your specific kind of person. Plus, if you aren’t having fun talking to them, why does it matter if they like you? the much cooler people who value your input are just around the corner. I promise. One day you’ll be able to shine your beautiful personality on someone who is equally as bright you are, you magnificent comet, you.

@starlet

Feb 13, 2025

Top Recs from @mstoopsy

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Stealing company time

Even when you’re drowning in work it’s important to take time to ignore your responsibilities and yap and lounge with those around you.

@mstoopsy

Aug 29, 2024

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Sitting on the ground

People say to touch grass, but the floor of your apartment will do just fine.

@mstoopsy

Sep 21, 2024

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Dedicating a drawer in your desk for snacks

I actually have 2 drawers for snacks. Sometimes I go weeks without touching any of it. Other times, I’ll eat 5 different types of candy at 11 am. It’s about having options.

@mstoopsy

Sep 11, 2024