* my dog Maddie licking cherry pie off of my hands
* my parents were having their annual Christmas party and I was standing in a dark bathroom with a crack of light coming in from the hall, watching my own reflection in the mirror as my nose bled (sounds sinister but I think I was just having a nosebleed)
* clown at the county fair psychologically traumatized me by i got your nose-ing me and another clown painted my nose red. I couldnāt get the face paint off when I got home and I was in tears
* I was mad that my sister had been born. the doctor at the hospital tried to amuse me by blowing up a glove into a balloon animal. my dad and I went home from the hospital for the night and i opened up some presents my grandparents had sent me and my dad and I rented the Barney movie from Blockbuster lol
* another one which may be the earliest but I shanāt share itā¦ nobody needs to know the melancholy of little Tate R. Hole
Sep 27, 2024
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Hard to tell if its a real memory or an implanted one but I think it was my 2nd birthday party and I had a stye and a cake shaped like a ladybug and I was going down a slide with my friends.
If not that memory than for sure the memory of my first funeral at 5. I wore an itchy pink sweater and black skirt.
Oct 4, 2024
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my parents were pretty broke when i was a toddler so when we got bored my mum would pull out all the light, plastic kitchenware for me and my twin to play with. we have some pretty cute pictures of me n them as babies wearing a bowl as a hat. i did also commit violence with a colander and even as a 3 year old i felt so so bad about it and that's my first memory
Sep 27, 2024
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i was at my grandparents', watching carebears with them.
i was wearing a floral nightie, that never reappears in any other memories.
i was utterly distraught, grandma gave me a peppermint tea.
Sep 27, 2024
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āLife shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.ā
ā AnaĆÆs Nin
This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that Iāve safely landed at the start of my new life. Itās honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think itās important to share.
Iāve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, weād have been together for 11 years, and weāve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with peopleāto rediscover my voice.
I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. Heās been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. Iāve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see.
Iāve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitelyābut someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial andĀ logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and itās going to be tough for a while but Iām going to be better than okay!
Now Iām opening up to you. This isnāt the only abuse Iāve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible.
I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolationāand breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom.
Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me š
Mar 16, 2025
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebodyābe it a relative or one of my best friendsāwas to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too š
Feb 23, 2025
Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ā
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Feb 27, 2025