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getting comfy w indetermination

working from what may seem like very surface level cliches but stay w me here ((tldr: why not just believe that its all working out for the better, even if thats not what you planned? also, empathy and objectivity are a solid duo that id like to see in combination more frequently.)) putting this at the top because this is a dissertation, at best; psychosis, at the other end of the pendulum. sooooooo the fact that u have no control over life liek At All. has been a consistently terrifying concept for FOREVER as a shorty who is Clinically a control freak, but realizing that the unpredictable essence that makes all of this shit unnerving is the very thing that can take the weight of life off of your shoulders has been pretty revolutionary. im still digesting/integrating it one bite at a time, for sure, so call me a hypocrite ESPECIALLY if you know me personally. when in clarity, though, its been so pleasant to realize that since Nothing truly matters that much since nothing is set in stone anyway- w regard to action, approach, fulfilling temporary expectations of yourself, whether or not you reach short term goals, etc.- living life completely and utterly for yourself and whatever that means to you at any given moment will likely ultimately be the plan that brings you most fulfillment, when all is said and done. whether that means taking the risk and changing your major, taking that freaky elective bc it sounds cool, moving in w some randos in a townhouse, quitting your job and starting something new- maybe it winds up being an epic fail, who knows? as long as youre setting goals that align with an ultimate sense of who you are and what youre looking to get out of life, which i presume can be solidified further by pursuing said experiences just for the sake of it? right? helps u figure out what u actually want? and as long as you keep bareback essential priorities straight (financial and emotional stability come to mind), then theres no reason for impermanence to work against you. this also counts for people, as well. i feel like we hold others to critical standards, as we should, but contemporarily tend to neglect the fact that people DO change. morals/how you view the world are impacted by experience, and we are all fruits of very very different trees. completely dependent on circumstance, of course, empathy/understanding/consequential second chances are side-swept under the premise of respect/accountability. accountability is CRUCIAL, but i feel like so many of us (myself included) take that to heart and forget that figuring out how someone got to some place is a key aspect of understanding whether or not their position was truly from a place of lack of respect? if that makes any sense?? i also have been thinking about this a lot: my best friend throughout middle school and i fell out the summer before sophomore year over…nothing? idk, 3 years of seeing each other every single day (neighbors) to no contact until senior of high school- still weren’t talking regularly or anything though. 2 years ago, she turned 20. i posted an old photo of us because, despite everything, 20’s a big one. this year, we’ve spent late nights on facetime, drove to watch the sunrise after hours of catching up on god knows what on the hill where we would listen to music while her mom cooked dinner, and she’s been my go to for any necessary bitching/ranting during whats been the worst year my mental health has ever seen?? time is your friend, if you let it be. connections arent a race in any dynamic, and it’s never over if it’s truly meant to happen. let life change. i think.

@slut

Dec 5, 2024

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Yesterday’s newsletter

It’s short enough, so let me try dropping the text here. Follow the link for an accompanying demo, the 59th unreleased song I’ve shared this year on my Substack newsletter, ’organizing an accident’. — Wanting to be something you’re not is a form of suffering. If we accept this as true, then life itself, as the Buddhists say, is suffering. This line of thinking has always resonated with me. It also immediately strikes up the beatnik who’s squatting in my soul, saying things like: “Hey baby, if this is wrong, than I don’t wanna feel right.” It’s through our suffering, our yearning, our active participation in it all—that we can pass from that which we “were not” to that which we “are” now. Sometimes, this process is experimentally prodded and analyzed, with each shifting atom felt and celebrated. Other times, probably more often than not, we find ourselves abruptly at our unannounced point of arrival where we either stick out our thumbs and hail a ride back or get on with it, find some comfortable ground, and pitch a tent. Where do we go from here? The human condition is anything but permanent. Any semblance of permanence in our lives should be treated with utmost suspicion. From one second to the next within the microcosm, despite any recognizable turbulence, you and I and the world in which we inhabit are constantly transforming anew. Resistance is futile. Thus, we embrace change. Personally, I love change. I love big change, and I love it incrementally too. Whether it's discovering an entirely new country, writing a piece of music, choosing an unexplored route on a daily commute, or, yes, even the few gray hairs that have appeared on my head this year. It is in our nature, but due to a variety of obstacles and circumstances, some will always opt for or falter to a reality closer to a reenactment of The Sims, continuously walking into walls. It is also in our nature to build bridges we'll later bomb, create moral and aesthetic standards we'll never exemplify, and partake in all manner of acts of self-sabotage. This could lead one to move cautiously through the world or worse, adopt a nihilistic posture towards it. The only greater tragedy than a person beaming with potential but paralyzed by fear is one motivated by cynicism.

@thisryanegan

Feb 22, 2024

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my favorite coping mechanism

Whenever I have a particularly bad day I make myself feel better by imagining it as a crucial scene in the movie about my life that will be made after I die. like she had to go through some serious turmoil to become so talented and world-changing. then I feel better about my day and I look forward to creating more scenes in my life movie! Everyone has their things and I suppose that’s mine….but also what are urs I wanna hear how u all do it !!

@bug_bite

Mar 26, 2024

Top Recs from @mintgawd

🐶

Matching w ur dog

His name is Tabasco, but he doesn’t know that.

@mintgawd

Apr 10, 2025

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Weird women!!!!

i Am a proud fan of weird women!!! Newest weird woman acquisition: the cute shy girl from my MBA program with a curly bob and red highlights. Shes so quiet and shy, we’ve had every class together so far over 3 semesters and barely ever spoke aside from her saying happy Valentine’s Day to me in February. Fast forward to this semester I sit next to her first day of finance class and decide to Be friendly and chat. She’s quiet but cool so I get her number, offer to maybe study later in the semester (which is a mild courtesy as I was lowkey just gaining new allies in the class to assist with cheating). But once I started texting her about class we just never stopped texting, and now I think we’re actively flirting? Shes into dark romance novels? she brought one of her novels to class yesterday and after class she snuggled up against me in the hallway and made me read a (very graphic) page about a girl getting fucked by a gun? This chick is nuts. Am I catching feelings?

@mintgawd

Sep 17, 2024

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TO SUMMON MINT GOD

*only do this when you MUST get FLY and exude unspeakable and ineffable confidence where ppl will probably call you a cocky asshole* recite this prayer: Dear Haters, You can all suck my balls from the back and my dick from the front. I was born to be great. you were all born to debate my greatness. Clearly we are not the same. in times of uncertainty I stand tall. Even when alone, my spirit is guided by God’s invisible hand who shields me from the bullshit. A back this broad was earned by climbing to places most could never reach. If theyve never seen these heights, how could they comprehend my perspective? Anyone with something negative to say is miles beneath me with mushy shit in their pamper and piss dribbling down their soft, weak legs. Thank you mint god for humility. Thank you mint god for strength. Love, (Your name) And although I may not appear in the physical form, you will feel an aura of mint purple surrounding you and a genuine earthy sense of pride in your chest to continue on your mission, no fucks given.

@mintgawd

Jun 19, 2024