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ok thereās this one line i think about all the time, iām gonna paraphrase because i left my copy of the book at the studio, but itās like
āSooner kill a child in its cradle than nurse un-acted upon desiresā
this sentence is constructed clumsily and itās soooo dramatic but i adore the sentiment. i donāt want to see any of you little bitches nursing desires without attempting to realize them. boring!!!!! follow your desire to the best of your ability even if you lack talent or time or tools or whatever. constant birthing girlies!!! no calcification!!!
Nov 7, 2024
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in the sense that i support abortion.
what happened to eagerness? to feeling your heartbeat and being inspired? everyone around me is living inside a shell of themselves and is too apathetic to set themselves free. middle ground this, minimalism thatā why does our culture celebrate nonchalance? so scared of being different that we never are, we fade away into a diorama of what life ought to be: bikinis and slick backs and brat summers and winter arcs. who gives a shit?
stop being so pretentious and kiss the people you love and put your hands in the soil. eat. pray. love. jesus, i donāt care, just hold something and tell it you love it, and *mean* it. where are the earnest goodnights? the tender goodbyes and good mornings?
hereās something wild:
i care.
i really, really want to care.
Feb 6, 2025
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I wanna be rockstar, I wanna direct porn, I wanna own a cinema, i wanna own a diner, Iāll name it after me, and Iāll put little vhs TVs in every corner (where the angels would normally be) I wanna drive a cab in Vegas Robert de niro style, i wanna lurk at the edges of weddings and document all the love around me , and get paid for witnessing something so profoundly special. I wanna make movies. I wanna get beat up at least once. I wanna be a social worker but Iād take that shit home with me. I could work with addicts even though Iād just be doing it to pretend I could fix mom and dad. I wanna be adoooooooooooooooooooored
I wanna get married and have lots of kids, Iāll make em my little tribe , and when they piss me off Iāll make em tend to the crops and gardens adorning our god-given glorious property. son, you git yer fawkin behind outside and pick us some goddamn blueberries! I wanna have lots of windows and live in a house , a real one, not a trailer or a converted shed. I wanna turn tricks, and I wanna have wings. I wish I could have afforded to go to film school
I wish mom got me braces when I was little, and I wish people didnāt look at my teeth. I wish grandma didnāt overdose after being sober for over a decade. i wish I felt like I had a future at all
I wish that doing the dishes didnāt make me cry
And I wish that I didnāt feel small
Apr 23, 2024
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inside me there is a battle between the intrinsic desire to become everyoneās worst demonic nightmare, in a ācannabalism as an act of loveā kind of way, against the angelic lens i see life through, that lends my heart to be infinitely softer than any crushed velvet money can buy, and no one wins
Feb 7, 2024
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just ask yourself that
Nov 4, 2024
Nov 5, 2024
all you need is like 1-2 pages of text on paper, sometimes less. works every time. i used to swear by fiction but lately iāve been reading a lot of āhard booksā for example Concerning the spiritual in art by wassily kandinsky and Memories dreams reflections by carl jung and i think these work even better for sleepiness in the way they make me feel too stupid to be awake.
blue light from the phone/laptop etc will kill you
Nov 13, 2024