This is not a high quality rec because I'm not writing from current experience and may be completely missing the heart of the matter.
But:
Our lives revolve around internet and digital and apps and using our devices to communicate, that is the normal default for everyone, but it really doesn't serve us well—my opinion—when trying to spark friendships, deepen relationships, and find love.
My rec is to seek out spaces and groups where people gather and build community. And I honestly don't even know what that is. But there are probably interest groups or clubs—like a running club, if doable—or a volunteer projects where you'll start to rub shoulders with people who share interests and values.
Nov 11, 2024
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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Join a club or take a class! It's funny how chatting with 9 people in real life & clicking with 1 person feels like such a win when I know if I talked to 8 people I don't click with online I would feel soul sucking failure. We're just animals, find a herd.
Jul 3, 2024
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People often ask this question on my country’s subreddit and i can definitely understand their “frustration” when it comes to feeling “lonely”. However i always say :
In order to find new friends you should find yourself first.
- Discovering your true self is mandatory to be able to find new friends, what are your interests ? What inspires you in life ? What’s your perspective in certain things ?
Once we truly find something that could connect us with other people, friends will come along easily (Not easily a 100% but it’s a step forward to that)
Then the internet stays the best way to connect with new people honestly, it all depends on the usage !
You like art ? Post your work, your opinions about certain art pieces, ask for advice to “perfect” your work and see your cmments and dms be full of people WILLING to help and connect !
Same thing for the rest of the interests !
Political opinions ? Join the right subreddits for it
IT field ? Join discord and github communities
You like Gardening ? Facebook groups and subreddits !
You can’t imagine how many GOOD people are out there willing to share and connect and help those with their same interests!
And people are so interested in what’s new ! What you think is “normal” for you can literally make you so interesting for some people ! (The way you dress, the way you talk, even how you arrange your bag ! Just keep a smile on your face 😉).
Just don’t get attached too easily and give it time to grow.
Feb 1, 2025
Top Recs from @mattshawsome
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this is worthy of celebration: the lack of video—autoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any video—on pi.fyi is a good thing
Oct 5, 2024
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this is going to hurt — A LOT — but it's getting to the point where there's no other option
Mar 11, 2025