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youâre right, it is the work of your 20s (and 30sâŠ..and 40sâŠ.) to figure out what âcoolâ means and how to embody that for yourself. youâre right on schedule!
I highly recommend taking the search offline almost entirely + not forcing it. think about the coolest people you actually know in person. what traits of theirs classify them this way? the more you start looking for traits you admire in the people around you, the more youâll find yourself weaving your version of that into your life. weâre all tapestries of the people that have made us.
also, you write: âi often feel far more fixated on appearing âcorrectlyâ than mostâ -- feelings are not facts and I can assure you that everyone else is also just as internally focused. start looking for the ways you ARE connected and similar or even the exact same as the people around you â social cohesion is the key to being cool, and there are always more similarities to be found.
Nov 18, 2024
Related Recs
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Trite bit true!
Consider the people you think are cool. I bet they arenât doing the same thing as everyone else.
Oct 22, 2024
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Look, first and foremost, itâs normal to want to look cool. We all want to fit in, be accepted, be validated and feel like we belong, itâs a natural human thing.
But the only way out is through. You have to accept and love yourself. You have to embrace your cringe, and your wonders, and your quirks. You have to learn to be proud of them. You have to validate yourself and understand that by choosing to be you, you will lose some things. Maybe some friends, maybe some validation. But you will get so much more. Thereâs nothing cooler than someone who is unafraid of being who they are. Thatâs the key, I guess. And itâs freaking hard, so itâs a process. Just start with the basics. Dress how you want to dress, look how you want to look, and experiment with it, see how you feel, face the rejection with open arms. Be cringe, but be authentic.
Nov 18, 2024
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just from a quick browse of your page i can already disprove your claim about not being into cool music. how can you like bjork, samia, and velvet underground and say you don't have taste? maybe you just hang out with so many other cool people with interesting music palates so it seems normalized to you, but that just means you're someone who surrounds yourself with interesting and like-minded folks!
instead of focusing on external factors - how someone might perceive you, how you think you compare, why someone might or might not like you, focus on what you like doing, what excites you and motivates you, and people who resonate with how you do you will naturally gravitate towards the things you might share.
if you think you're lame, you'll feel lame, and then you'll act lame. it's a feedback loop. when you do the things you think are cool regardless of what anyone else might have to say about it you will become cooler because you're actually just being yourself
Feb 19, 2024
Top Recs from @its_just_kate
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at least casually. donât delete the accounts but donât have the apps on your phone either.
rediscover your love of reading thru the magic of recognizing titles strangers are holding on the subway. become a subway reader.
donât use sound as an escape from your thoughts/feelings/surroundings. grocery shopping without headphones is actually kind of beautiful!
pick up a new hobby or two or three. one of them should be something youâre not good at, and at least one should be no- or low-cost.
never. stop. learning. the library, the parks and rec department, and nearby museums offer great materials already but also usually have free lectures or courses.
go outside more. like, a lot more.
(took this much less literally, so apologies if itâs not what youâre looking for lol â as a narcoleptic I have no tips on how to Not Sleep since Sleep is basically my job)
Sep 30, 2024
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destined in the stars
Jan 1, 2025
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keeps it funky, keeps it fresh! a book for outside, a book for downstairs, a book for bed, a book for the subway, a book for the bathtubâŠ..
Nov 30, 2024