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dnd settings without an announcement
idk about other phones but if u have an iphone they have all kinds you can turn on and just make sure it’s set to show people you’re on dnd. then if they go to text you they’ll see you’re working/taking personal time/etc. i have the one set up for work hours, one for therapy and yoga, sleep, i also put them on when i am doing my something else (painting, cooking, movie) and don’t want to be bothered. IMO you don’t really have to announce it and it also may not go over well if you tell people their texts drive you crazy — it might just be better left unsaid. (unless you’re getting spammed with like ten calls in a row then you probably should) i think eventually they’ll just adjust to you not being reachable 24/7. (just don’t ghost people for a bunch of days if they ask you an important question lol) i used to feel obliged to respond to everything ASAP and i’m still mostly a “good texter” but i don’t feel the need to interrupt things to respond to texts or text abt something non-time sensitive if i’m not in a mood to (outside my mom lol, i always answer her the same day) and i think most people in my life understand that bc i just am not reachable 24/7 and have that boundary. i don’t know if you can just stop people texting you a lot but i think if you reshape your response time they will have to adjust/come to terms with that
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@marxinista
Nov 19, 2024
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@_bilal_
I agree. Thanks for that. I think I just end up having many obligations towards people in my life and they’ve gotten comfortable expecting things of me even though they can probably get assistance elsewhere or do things on their own. So i might have to work on establishing that boundary from where I am at now in my life rather than just being blunt and saying i cant offer the same attention anymore. I definitely need to utilize DND more, honestlly not even sure why I haven’t utilized it but I’m literally going to turn it on right now lol. Also I realize I mentioned family‘s messages drive me crazy but thats not fully the case, I think it’s just that they expect more of my time than other members of my family because I help them with a lot of things (which I don’t mind) but as soon as I have a lot going on in life, that’s when it gets overwhelming, which is something I’m happy to deal with since they would give me the time if I needed it too. when it comes to friends though, im that guy people call when they need advice or assistance, and with them I struggle with. But yeah I gotta find a balance and establish those boundaries, 100%. Thanks!
Nov 20, 2024
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@marxinista
bilalbikile i totally get that! đŸ«Ą i’m definitely a (recovering?) people pleaser and constantly having to work on boundary setting and communicating and stuff like that, especially with people i love and am close to. it’s hard but worth the effort. you got this!! enjoy your DND journey đŸ’€
Nov 20, 2024
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(1) set boundaries and (2) set designated times to check messages
first, outside of time-sensitive requests / emergencies, you don’t owe anybody an instant reply. i fully endorse sillygirltypebeat’s recommendation of focus modes to let people know when you’re away - outside of that, just be clear that you’re not helicoptering your notifications all day, and if you have friends who can’t accept that than you might need to go your separate ways.
second, while you don’t owe anybody an *instant* reply, you should probably set a regular time every day to get on top of your messages - personal, professional, etc. i check my email, dms, and messages on various services once when i wake up, once in the afternoon, and once before i “clock out” (i wfh lmao) for the day. blocking out time to do this daily ensures that (1) your total unread messages never gets to the point where it’s debilitatingly stressful, and (2) because you have a set time to check them, you can turn all your messaging notifications off and happily mute any non-essential conversations totally guilt-free, because you know you have a set time to get back to it.
my friend group discord is muted, my dms are largely muted, my email is *definitely* muted, and in every focus mode i have muted all notifications except phone calls from my parents / partner / roommates, but despite all that almost everybody in my life can rely on a response from me within at least 48 hours. notification discipline really matters
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@dotmatrices
Oct 19, 2024
11
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phone on do not disturb and being a little honest
okay i got some really amazing advice from fellow piffers a few weeks back when i was drowning with texts AND felt like a dick for telling my friends and family that getting their messages made me want to kms lol. but being honest about how i felt is super helpful so i don’t become a ball of rage. usually in a more gentle way, but being honest that texting isn’t a great way to connect with me is v important to foregrounding my relationships nowadays.
do not disturb really helped me take away from feeling constantly available to people. i see their texts when i get the time to, not when they *need* or *want* me to. removing the feeling of being obligated to someone’s messages has made me feel less awful about texts and calls. esp bc i am busy so often that their messages used to interrupt my day, my flow, my viiibbbee.
still trying to figure out why relationships feel like obligations to me rn
 i feel like that is the core issue of my rage/anxiety feelings from texts and calls.
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@ilovetrailcamsandbikes
Nov 19, 2024
6
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feel u big time
If I get a bunch of texts right away in the morning my lizard brain will be like, “is everyone literally suffocating me right now?” I’ve found it helpful to use the Focus settings on the iphone to show my friends that I’m in hermit mode, that way I won’t see the notification right away and they don’t feel ignored. Then later in the day I can reply when I am in the right spirit and wanting to connect. I also just straight up tell friends that I don’t really do groupchats because they stress me out and they can take that or leave it 🐾 tldr: set digital boundaries and take advantage of windows of energy đŸȘŸâšĄïž
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@sillygirltypebeat
Oct 19, 2024
7

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being a nerd about stuff
being traditionally cool is really quite boring and iterative, and it’s actually very cool and sexy to geek out about something you like or share bits of knowledge on a topic you’re passionate about
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@marxinista
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MAY DAY
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WORKER’S DAY!!!! i love having a union, i love being a union steward and getting to support my unit. when my union won its contract, i got a pay bump, better benefits, and increased protection as a worker. đŸ„ł unions help address racial and gender pay gaps, issues workplaces impose on families and those having kids, addressing unsafe conditions, plus things like better health insurance, wages and overtime, weingarten rights to representation, and more!!! if you don’t have a union but are thinking about forming one, check out AFL-CIO’s page (linked) or Emergency Workplace Organizing Committee. there’s always more power in a union!! âœŠđŸ„–đŸŒč
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@marxinista
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BOOKSHOP.ORG
they have FREE SHIPPING through Friday (7/8-7/11) if you are thinking about buying a book online this week, please buy a book there instead of evil amazon dot com. bookshop benefits local indie bookstores! you also can pick which specific bookstore to support and they have many lgbt-, women-, and bipoc-owned shops listed :) also they now have ebooks and many are on sale, such as Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower + Talents, Margaret Atwood’s The Testaments, or Talia Lavin’s Wild Faith for under $3 (!) each
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@marxinista
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