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Everyone deserves to acknowledge the things that hurt them and the fact that past traumas can make you anxious/make it more difficult to perform tasks that may seem easy for others. That however, does not mean you should go ahead and use those events as ammunition to excuse yourself from being a kind, respectful human being.
For instance, let's say you have roommates and they've kindly let you know several times that you need to clean up after yourself as the apartment is getting messy and it's a shared space. Despite them asking nicely, you accuse them of triggering you because being told to clean reminds you of the toxic relationship you had with your parents at home. All of a sudden they are now actively attacking your mental health and they have to either clean up after you since you refuse to do so or continue leaving the apartment a mess until you potentially change your mind. (I know this this might seem like an extreme example, but I've witnessed something very similar irl and there's far too many tiktoks of people mentioning similar experiences for me to think this is a singular experience.)
Now look, it is important to inform others of our limitations so that there's less friction as we navigate different environments and work on ourselves, but weaponizing the terminology we learn in therapy or online to victimize yourself and blame others for shrugging off your own responsibilities is far from healing. We share this planet with a bunch of other people, we are not isolated ecosystems. And as much as we can ask others to accommodate us, we must also do some internal work ourselves to meet them halfway.
We all are fighting our own personal demons and merit the space to address them, but there is a massive difference between understanding our issues to heal and grow from them versus using them to excuse destructive actions and accuse others of triggering us for suggesting alternatives/challenging our perspectives.
Nov 27, 2024
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Everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have. That doesnāt excuse being treated poorly, but does allow for empathy.
Everyone is perfect just the way they are, but we could all use a little improvement.
Your ability to self regulate is hugely important.
May 22, 2024
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yes these people are hurting and donāt currently have the tools to cope with their trauma, which is sad and worthy of compassion
but also
you didnāt deserve to be constantly subject to their toxic behaviors, and you cannot keep minimizing your own pain for the sake of the ārelationshipā or āhoping for the bestā as you white-knuckle through the trauma they caused
Oct 11, 2024
Iām very open with the fact that I was in years of intense therapy.Ā Ā I still get tune ups if I need it.Ā Ā I do believe we all have core wounds weāre constantly working on.Ā Ā I also think Iāve grown to be a very healthy person.
I have deep, deep father wounds that are never going to fully heal.Ā Ā Iāve worked on it, and theyāre not bothersome most of the time.Ā Ā I recognize when itās triggered and work through it.Ā Ā I just realize Iām going to probably live with it forever, the hope is that it gets smaller and smaller.
I have a history of abusive relationships that Iāve worked really hard to heal from. Stuff from that typically only comes up during conflict, but Iām aware of it and work on it. Thankfully it comes up with people who love me and that has been so healing.
Going from hyper independence to interdependence and learning to be in process with others has been.. work. But worth it.
Iāve always been incredibly hard on myself if I hurt people- itās always unintentional, but how dare I be a human who makes mistakes!!Ā Ā I still have to be extra kind to myself and talk myself off the ledge when this comes up.Ā Ā Funny that I found this meme just today lol
Jul 18, 2024
Top Recs from @verygoodvalentina
I adore finding a random video from like 2005 and reading through the comments the way a historian would examine an old manuscript from the 1700s. Are these people still active YouTube users? Or are they forgotten accounts? What did @jjlwis mean by "awww im gonna miss rob too!!!" ? Who even is Rob?? Anthropology in the digital age... so many questions... it's fascinating.
The important thing for me is not to add new comments. I feel like I'm disturbing an old archeological dig site and my sticky modern commentary will make the video crumble away into oblivion. More importantly, I don't want the algorithm to suggest the video to a bunch of people who will spam the comments sectionā major yuck š¤¢
Jan 25, 2024
early 80s to early 2000s truck models are the perfect sizes imo. current trucks are transformer-sized behemoths that could easily crush normal vehicles into smithereens upon impact and i legit donāt know how those things are even street-legal. also, idk if itās their design, reliability or the nostalgia factor per-se, but thereās a certain sazĆ³n those older trucks have that newer ones donāt.
2024 Ford F-150? š¤®š¤¢
1980 Ford F-150? š«¦š«¦
Feb 9, 2025
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with social media being this pervasive entity that has weeded its way into our daily routines for the past 20ish years (plus a global pandemic that really solidified those habits), many young adults today have spent a large amount of their lives living online. it has become the new norm and iām not gonna pretend iām above any of this because itās so easy to fall into it (i am literally writing this rec on my phone whilst itās a perfectly sunny day that i should probably go out to enjoy).
with that being said, in the larger scheme of life, being in your 20s is still in a weird way the beginning stages of your life. itās a period to try new things, make mistakes, learn from them and develop an identity thatās independent from the environment and people who raised you. though you can learn to do some of those things online, they donāt hold a candle to actually experiencing those things for yourself in real life.
all in all, the best way to not sleep thru your 20s is to prioritize in-person experiences that allow you to get a better understanding of yourself and your values. whether that be getting your first tattoo, moving to a new city or country, exploring your personal style or taking up hobbies you couldnāt or wouldāve never done as a kid, this is an important formative time to venture out and get a sense of who you truly are.
Sep 30, 2024