I finally admitted to a friend over some delicious Indian food that the perceived romantic undertone is mutual. it felt good to address it bluntly and we kind of just grinned for the rest of the night.
i finally got a chance to say that tonight. that the long standing pain and confusion i found myself in finally gave way to a deeper understanding of my inner workings. the beat thing i learned how to do was talk honestly with the people i hold dear. its terrifying, but absolutely worth sticking your neck out to get the help and clarity you need. goodnight fellas ๐ซถ
lately ive been in touch with someone who i have a lot of complicated emotions about and in general ive been trying 2 be very level headed about it, 2 not go 2 hard in either direction. however yesterday we kind of ended up having a more relaxed and honest talk which then led 2 me pretty much spilling my guts out i mainly wanted 2 give decent advice about a thing we both struggle with from a perspective of a person who lived and coped with it longer and that partially went into a lot more of a harsh subject matter. it seemed pretty useful at first but then the conversation slowed 2 a crawl and it was just me talking about my previous pain into the void i don't exactly regret it, after all if we are 2 be close again in any shape or form we got 2 be honest with each other, but it still sucks because i went somewhere that's very much a sore subject for me and presumably for them. pulling this kind of act is pretty difficult emotionally and I just woke up and im still thinking about it
even if its delusional, I really do love the idea of trusting that all of the perceived hardships, anxieties, and lessons ultimately lead to a path that's catered to our individual needs for growth and learning. maybe I am detaching from reality in an effort to cope, but I truly am starting to believe that miracles (big and small) happen daily and that we will all be ok in the end. attention and intention are everything.
