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In my most vulnerable moments (intoxicated, 3am, on an airplane, etc.), I remember all of my “love you”s; each person I’ve held tenderly in my heart and body; each friend I’ve shared late nights and soul secrets with. Do they know that they still hold a piece of me, that I still hold a piece of them? Do they know that the hum of a song, or the smell of backwoods, or the words on a page conjure their being in my mind? Do they know how often I think of them, how often I jog my mind back a few months or years to our casual and frequent visits? Our traditions? What comes of these faded soul ties; do I fumble with the frays and let go? Do I memorialize them in some kind of journal, a photo, an occasional phone call? How do I say goodbye to all of my ”love you”s?
Jan 4, 2025
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For someone who claims to identify so closely with solitude, uncovering just how tethered I was to the emotions of people I love was a crispy realization. Of course, that attachment is the basis for any kind of relationship. You cannot claim to “have someone” in your life if you do not feel some kind of emotional connection towards them. The stronger the connection, the stronger the relationship. We all know this. However, there is something to be said about a relationship that is “too good”; a bond so strong due to its shocking lack of tension. In hindsight of various broken and fragmented connections I’ve been apart of, any relationship that exists while remaining entirely unscathed now kind of terrifies me.
I believe there can be such a thing as “too much love”, and I think those who have given or received it know when they have done so. It’s a mistake anyone is capable of making. Imagine a relationship so polished, free from any erosion (visible or otherwise); seemingly perfect. This type of connection can only be established through a building of trust and an abundance of time. However, I’ve come to learn that the more impeccable bonds tend to break easy when faced with their first real blow. Birds only crash into the cleanest of glass.
*"If music be the food of love, play on; / Give me excess of it...*"
I don’t want excess. For the food of love, I am no glutton. I eat until I am full and push my plate aside. I used to love like my life depended on it. I put those people whom I adored on the highest of pedestals, framed them in my gallery and admired new details every time we shared a visit. Maybe I just hadn’t been wronged enough to ever think that I could be wounded by those I dote on so heavily. What is it with loving and being loved that makes feeling hurt seem so impossible? Why must love shatter all preconceived expectations of what emotion is? Is love really so massive, so gargantuan that it conquers all other feeling?
Yes, and no. At least that’s what I think. This is all just what I think. I don’t want to come across as some great romantic or lovesick puppy or old friend. I’m just trying to figure out the right way to love, like everyone else.
Mar 16, 2025
and all that has loved me, dead or alive.
humanity is such a fragile thing, cherish it, squint at the sun, be happy for your friends and their wins, be happy for yourself and your wins, be happy for the people smiling across the street. don’t waste the miniscule, unimportant, tiny fraction of a cosmic second that is our lifetime being an asshole. love everyone and love yourself i love love i give love and i receive it. i love my surroundings, my bed, my family who i come home to every day, my mom and dad who do so much for me, my sister who is always there for me and has been my best friend for life, my pets (come home stevie, we miss you), access to food and water, my friends who i truly cherish, nature, the wind and the breeze, music, oh the music of life how the birds chirp and the streams swell and fall and dance around the wet earth guiding the arrival to the calm rivers, the vast waterfalls, the sun and moon, eternally locked in a neverending dance that gives us another day, a fresh start. my silly little device that connects me with everyone in a second, and i can talk to my friends and say hi and that i love them i actually love everyone i’m sorry is that a problem? i love how everyone looks so different and how everyone is living a vivid life and has problems and situations as complex as mine (there’s a word for that i think) and i love how everyone has different scars and birth marks and hair and eyes and i love how everyone acts a little different and has their own personality and spin on things and i love art and how being is an art in and of itself, to exist is to persist. i love how i can give back to my community, i love volunteering it makes me so emotional when i’m finished because i love helping whenever i can i’m not trying to sound self righteous or anything. i love pushing my body to its limits in sport, i love running and i love dancing so so much i love moving my body and creating art in synchronicity with music. i love water, the beach, sand, i love lakes, sunsets, that feeling of silence but not loneliness. i love being outside and just sitting, no thoughts, just wanting to live out a moment forever. but i also love living past that moment and living another moment and another and soon i will post this and then 8 months later look back on this and smile and love it. i actually am ok and it’s all going to be ok and i love you and everything
Mar 7, 2025
Are they the tingling feelings that you look back at or the fragments of memories that you struggle to picture in your head? Do you ever miss a person that you don’t even know? Perhaps it is an idea, a concept or a thought.
You are trying to create the perfect person that will understand you, tame you and love you just like how you would. You do not seek for reciprocated love - you always feel like you want to give more and love more. It is your way of loving and who is to complain?
However, a part of you aches knowing that someday when the time comes and you lay down onto a field taking your final breaths, you probably would have wanted someone to just whisper on how much they adore you, just like how ‘night breezes seem to whisper ‘I love you.’’.
Gentleness but also full with affection.
Somebody who can withstand you during your energetic moments and your burnt out times. Someone who will stay next to you no wonder what; someone who is not afraid to present their emotions for you and only you.
Someone who will try everything just to love you, get back to you no matter what.
And I promise, from the deepest roots of my heart, that I will dearly love them where every moment would feel like the first time - the rushed heartbeats, flowing hormones, aching hearts and locked eyes. We will love the way that we do - and it may be similar to others - but in the end, we know that what we have is different and special for ourselves.
Beethoven’s ‘Fur Elise’. The strong faith in love that was driven between Schumann, Brahms and Clara.
Like how one composes songs dedicated for another and one paints in shades of pastels reminiscing of their significant other. Like the love letters written in ink that took quite a while to pick out at the store, wrapped in delicate enveloped covered with kiss marks. Like the singing and humming dedicated for the ears of the other.
It is what you want, and therefore you wait - for who knows how long, expecting that person, who will achieve accomplishment throughout a journey together with you.
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Hello! This is my first entry hereeee:)
The picture was carefully brought here from pinterest and was in my album, I do not know any individual in the photo but they gave me great inspiration on writing this piece. The photo really speaks warmth and radiates energy IMO - so romantic!
Jan 28, 2025
