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Fuck it, we all struggle and it shows in different ways. I gave up trying to hide it years ago, and I’ve never been more proud of myself.
Jan 8, 2025

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I need to do that.
Jan 23, 2024
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on confronting traumatic moments revolving around embarrassment or shame: when i was like 14 in chorus class we were all required to do a solo performance. singjng is my biggest insecurity and i completely shut down any time i have to actually perform. needless to say, this was the epitome of that experience. tweenage me had the biggest panic attack of my entire life trying to ukelele creep by radiohead (per any 14 year old girl). i have made progress w my vocals in recent years but despite everything i can barely even listen to that song 7 years later because thats all i think about. it was utter humiliation. that said, i got out my stupid little fake gay mini guitar w its pretty odd stickers and jon cozart signature and decided to try to redo it like rn. nobodys in this room but me and i am still aching in terror- its like i can literally see the band room’s music stands and the podium in the corner where our director was sitting. i just hit record on my little voice memos and i was 14 again. trying not to throw up rn. still got just as nervous. still couldnt do anything near what im technically capable of in shaking violently and trying not to hyperventilate— but i got through it? its done? i am alive and i have now realized that the worst moment of my life despite everything else ive been through was defined by my insecurity rather than an actual catastrophe- shocker. i am 21 and i am nauseous in my room alone and still fuck up strumming kn the fucking UKELELE (i didnt think that was possible) because of the same overestimation of significance and perfectionism that took me DEEEYOOWWWNNN!! at 14. its a nice reflection. idk how this can transfer to different situations but honestly i recommend it- i have now diluted the significance of an event that i have never gotten over ever in my life. gives my brain more room for the good out there.
Dec 5, 2024
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When I was younger I always thought things like acne were so pretty, but when I got older I was taught it was disgusting. Now I see the little “imperfections”as acne , crooked teeth, body hair, ect… as all beautiful things. It reminds me that I’m human and that the people around me are just people. I wish shame was a less common thing.
Feb 17, 2025

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Wowwwweeee everything is perfect
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This shit is so good. Cheap, cheerful, it smells divine. Like a warm laundrette! It’s quite hard to locate in person, so I order it online. Do not even think about buying the one with the feather on it because that one is weak and sad.
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take all my money!
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