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My efforts now reduced to basically nothing but numbers on a transcript (I did not retain the knowledge in my head oops)
Jan 18, 2025
Related Recs
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Just submitted my last essay. ever.
Apr 17, 2025
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I don't try harder at work than I did at school for the money- if they had paid me in school I'd probably still have skipped constantly. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I can actually get fired from my job for not doing the basic tasks and showing up, so it's more scary, bigger consequences?
I also felt very stuck in school, I would get distracted so easily and just not be interested in the subject at all. And of course when I was actually interested, I would struggle to complete the technical parts- the homework, tests, and the such.
Now that I have the choice to be in College or to be working, I feel more confident in myself and my ability to get tasks done. However, I still feel undereducated- I skipped a lot of my classes, and the ones that I didn't, I haven't retained any information from them.
I still don't know how to do basic division, I couldn't point out where half the states are on the map, and I couldn't tell you who any of the early presidents were other than Lincoln and Washington.
I feel incompetent and frankly disrespectful towards others for not knowing these basic skills, but now that I'm working as a manager six days a week, I just don't have time to learn. I'm exhausted by the end of the day and really only have the energy to take a shower and go straight to bed.
I'm only 19 which gives me some consolation that I have time, but considering what's happening in the world now, I wish I had more knowledge in current and past issues.
help! ahhh
Mar 24, 2025
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I have put my undergrad to the side for the moment and am pursuing a masters.
make Sure you donβt leave room for regret that you could not have done more!
Mar 26, 2024
Top Recs from @sleazeborg
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Albums
Chelsea Wolfe - Unknown Rooms (Flatlands, Virginia Woolf Underwater)
Chelsea Wolfe - Pain is Beauty
PJ Harvey - Rid of Me (legit got jump scares when I first listened...)
Reverend Kristin Michael Hayter - Saved!
Julee Cruise - Floating Into the Night (maybe not typically seen as creepy or gothic, but I think there's a bit of those...might be conflating "strong atmosphere" with "strong atmosphere which is specifically <gothic>", idk)
Nicole Dollanganger - Natural Born Losers (Poacher's Pride, White Trashing, In the Land, You're so Cool)
Elysian Blaze - Levitating the Carnal; Beneath Silent Faces (think I should make a separate post for this ... not spoken about enough imo)
Songs
Poppy Jean Crawford - Glamorous
Kate Bush - Waking the Witch; Hounds of Love; Under Ice (as above ... atmospheric ... Is it dark and gothic? To me, sort of)
Marissa Nadler - Janie in Love; Divers of the Dust
Emily Jane White - Behind the Glass
Bat for Lashes - What's a Girl to Do?
Saram12saram - Fish Wish Kiss; Cripple
Holly Henry - Crawl; Roswell
Mercy Necromancy - Cruel; Bunny
Poppy - Holy Mountain
Jan 17, 2025
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Possibly if you were on a stricter, parent-controlled and technology-restricted diet, you might have to replicate that by forcing breaks between episodes, only playing the album at home (no portables). Just a hypothesis I have, not tested.
Otherwise, acknowledging that now you are more keenly developed, you need more acute stimuli. I suppose as a kid, stories were far more foreign and therefore wondrous, but having grown up, it's all been seen and so the stories have lost some lustre? In that case, best to seek more complex, nuanced stories and engage with them more purposefully to really extract inspiration ("meaning"). On my end, I've been writing on Goodreads and rym. Is this "cheating" by "forcing" a sense of wonder? Only to the extent that you don't see it as something you'd like to do. Otherwise, it's just an adult version of doodling your favourite heroes fighting their nemeses, play acting, etc. Analysis of this kind is only cold and incompatible with the warmth of imagination if conducted with academic rigidity (in fact even then, I might disagree ... haven't fully settled my thoughts on that).
Feb 10, 2025
Test / pilot post.
Emo, screamo.
Only 1,336 plays on last.fm and I'm a big chunk of that... surely deserves more.
Jan 17, 2025