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😃
I’m Literally 28 years old but this morning I got up early to go to the bookshop before work so I could pick up a copy of Onyx Storm which was released today.
Idk why I expected to be the only one but there was a bunch of other girls already there all just as excited about it as i was. I didn’t know any of them and will probably never see them again but we all shared that little moment in the book shop then all went our seperate ways to go and enjoy the same story and idk that really got me. One girl even said “enjoy your copy” as she left which honestly made my day.
Anyway the moral of this story is to live your life being as cringey and nerdy as you want to be because I nearly didn’t go thinking it was kind of a lame thing to do and maybe it was but it also brightened up an otherwise boring January Tuesday 🖤
Idk why I expected to be the only one but there was a bunch of other girls already there all just as excited about it as i was. I didn’t know any of them and will probably never see them again but we all shared that little moment in the book shop then all went our seperate ways to go and enjoy the same story and idk that really got me. One girl even said “enjoy your copy” as she left which honestly made my day.
Anyway the moral of this story is to live your life being as cringey and nerdy as you want to be because I nearly didn’t go thinking it was kind of a lame thing to do and maybe it was but it also brightened up an otherwise boring January Tuesday 🖤
Jan 21, 2025
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ever since my kindergarten teacher staged a leprechaun break-in i’ve been pouring over clusters of clovers trying to find one with four leaves. as i got older, wiser, and more embarrassed, the desperate scrounging for grade school fame morphed into passive glances of curiosity with a dash of longing. a few months ago, at my mom’s birthday, i saw a lonesome patch of clovers in a sea of other, less interesting plants. i don’t know what came over me, but instead of the glances i’d become comfortable with, i got down and i looked. i saw it instantly, like my eyes had been trained specifically to find it. there it sat, utterly incapable of comprehending of how special it was. the treasure i‘d been searching for. my white whale. i shot out of the squat that i was in and showed it to as many people as possible, but to my absolute shock, nobody gave a shit. nobody shared my excitement, nobody thought it was especially cool. this quest that i’d silently been on for the better part of my life was complete, yet there was no fanfare, and i’m okay with that. sometimes you’ve just gotta be happy with yourself.
if you’ve given yourself to something, and it means the world to you, the only person who can decide what your labor is worth is you.
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🧌Coworkers are trying to assemble the chaotic/lawful/evil/neutral/good grid with each of us and it’s proving difficult because behind bar shaking from the caffeine of an 8-shot dial-in everyone’s a little evil, especially in the no-man’s land between the millennial pause and gen-z stare, and the yet-to-be-labeled of when someone who clearly spends a lot of time online in their own echo chamber assumes you’re one of them and attempts to interpellate you through a barrage of their own semiotics and you’re fraught between the misperception of your carefully selected graphic tee and customer service smile riding the wave of wanting a tip and facing a persona you actively avoid online. I assumed this grid would be somewhat true to our nature, having dropped the visage at work a bit since starting an ssri and becoming platonically intimate with another coworker through shared music taste (immediately opening a window to the soul), but my young coworker wanted to only base it on how we are at work. I said I don’t hold what I do behind bar against myself, he said the mistakes I make are inherently part of my personality, and I’m no better than the version of me at work because that necessarily is me, and a flattening reverberated through my entire body, like the shock of a gun shot before the pain sets in. I have big aspirations and can’t dwell on mistakes if I want to continue to believe in myself, which I have to do if I ever want to make anything! And I’m definitely not dwelling too much on what I do while over-caffeinated, undernourished, and bombarded with 8 kinds of sounds in the liminal 4-dimensional space of a coffee shop on a Saturday or during a random July hailstorm. It’s an absurd, cruel, jam-packed world. It’s ridiculous to strive and pretend you don’t think you can make it. It isn’t embarrassing to take your art seriously, even when the best of it is still stuck in your head for the time being. To quote Alex G ”if you don’t believe in magic then you shouldn’t even try”. Obviously consider your mistakes and learn from them, but don’t hold them against yourself. These all may seem unrelated but the miscommunication between my coworker and I (him not realizing I associate myself at work as my basest, most animal self) left me utterly speechless, mouth agape, clutching the counter for stability for whatever reason. Low key it feels sooooo good to believe in yourself.
Jul 17, 2025
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⭐One day i will create a breathtaking artwork that will tell the story of my life in a way which retroactively makes every cringe thing I ever did non-cringe in a way by redeeming it through some transformative narrative structure. then i will finally be safe to expose the truth of my journey to the world
Jan 27, 2024
