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I fully acknowledge my privilege this recommendation. I have the privilege to be able to build bridges because, though I am able to be dismissed because I'm a femme-presenting woman, I am much less viscerally threatened in general because I am white.
That being said, I feel like I have turned a new leaf in that I largely refuse to contribute to in-fighting discussions. In my mind, we are all in a race against the 1% but they have tricked us into thinking we are in a race with each other. I have decided to let go of the race. I have decided that whether they fear, pity, hate, whatever me, I'm going to value "the opposition" as people and when they are able to figure out who we should be actually fighting, I will be there happy to provide resources and supplies that I have in the aid of this goal. Until then, I'll be around.
The isolation that has been bred since long before I was born has just destroyed a sense of community, something that I yearn so much for. I know that people do things that bring me harm. For instance, I still take many COVID precautions and am part of two COVID safe communities. However, I know that the large majority of the population no longer cares and does, unwillingly or not, participate in a lack of overall health safety for me and my family, as well as their own safety. But I'm not going to isolate, I'm going to take precautions to continue to be part of community. I believe folding people in together is the only way forward.
My brother is a huge fan of Elon Musk, which is so gross and awful. I used to shut down conversations about this but I've decided to be open, honest, and present with him about this. I check Elon's behavior to him, let him know that I believe his actions are on purpose and that my brother is making nazi sympathizer choices with his thoughts and actions. I also let him know that when it's ready to fight, I want him to be on our side, which he states he would be (idk). That's all I can do. Keep communication open. Keep connection open. Make these sympathizers not fear "the others" because I am willing to participate and provide and talk.
Now, none of this means I'm willing to lay down as terrible beliefs ravage our society. I am still able to be critical of others choices and I will defend myself and my family against harm if need be. I just believe that the core of most of the harm and violence comes from the top. I believe that people are emotionally thrown for a loop when they come to a conversation with fear-based hostility and find community-based hospitality in response.
I will continue to advocate for the people who are being brutalized our community. I believe, however, that they need to hear us first. They need to see us as human, and I think part of that is showing them that we see them as human. Yes, flawed scared scapegoating humans that need to be held responsible for their actions if and when they participate in violence. I'm not talking about conceding or finding "common ground" in our beliefs beyond the basic humans need food water shelter (and love if they're about that). I may acknowledge their fear, the influences that they have been under, and the things surround their hate. I will try to come at it at as loving as a place as I can, always reminding myself that they were once babies shaped to view the world as this big scary thing filled with monsters, taught by the actual monsters who want to control everything.
Again, I'm only recommending this if you have the energy to do so. I think a lot of people have tried for years and then get burned out. I get that, I think getting stronger within your own community would help grow the ability to then reach outside and communicate. At the same time, my friend and I were talking about how some people are just "front of house" and some are "back of house" and the front of house people can be the ones interacting with society and the back of house can build the inside. We don't all have to do everything, let's find out strengths and build on those to get through, and maybe even past, the shit show we find ourselves living in today.
Jan 31, 2025
Related Recs
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I am lucky to have had the circumstances in my life that has led me to question authority, not take things at face value, and to focus on building community to combat feelings of hopelessness. This has been long and arduous and only possible because I didn't have to deal with other resources in my life being scarce.
Scarcity creates a survival-mode and flight/fight/freeze/fawn are the ways people live within that mode. It is near impossible to think philosophically or critically when you are being provided scarcity.
I think there is some amount of innate desire of humans to be taken care of right? In an animalistic way. The unnatural and inhumane use of capitalism has for so many people created a gap within that desire of being taken care of and actually being taken care of.
I believe that the combination of this survival mode/fight-flight-etc. and the chasm that many people feel of that intense unmet desire to be taken care of has led to the situation that we find ourselves in today. These people were not born to be these fearful, distrustful, paranoid, cagey people. They were babies who needed to be taken care of. They were babies and children who, through circumstances outside of their control, were not taken care of. Yes, as adults they "should" be able to make better decisions and how one grows up "shouldn't" dictate what they do to others. But that's an easy thing to say when you have those resources and have *no idea* what it feels like to have not had them. This is pretty much a mixture of the other responses, because compassion and knowing that people are hurting is basically what makes me not mad at them. I get frustrated and I wish the circumstances were different, and I will defend myself or others if need be from violent behavior, but I do not hate these people. I am mad at the selfishness that has been able to be bred in this society through hundreds of years.
Jan 28, 2025
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in 2023, i would have def considered myself a dem/liberal. but since then, i've done a hard shift wayyy to the left because of all the ongoing issues in the world. but majority of my friends stayed liberal.
i tried to talk to them about palestine, they didn't seem to care. i try to talk to them about capitalism and it's affects on society, they don't care. and i know it's because all of it doesn't personally affect them, which drives me INSANE. everyone is stuck on identity politics (which i completely understand, and am not saying its not important), but it's been frustrating trying to get people to understand its a class issue. and there's been almost 0 support until trmp got into office and now everyone wants to talk "politics".
i honestly tried to cut out so many friends because the lack of empathy hurt me that deeply, BUT since then i've just come to realize that we truly are all just victims to capitalism :( it's not their fault they've been so individualized and complacent, but it is their fault to not stay educated. so i'm always open to discussing with friends, i've just had to find new friends with similar beliefs in order to keep my sanity.
in the end, being leftists, we just gotta focus on the community and helping those around us, even if they don't care or their beliefs dont line up with ours. that's the only way to get people to understand and empathize, so i started trying to implement that more into my life, as hard as it is sometimes.
Jan 24, 2025
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Recently a close friend (my ex-boyfriend) called me a misanthrope. I felt a little insulted, but I didn’t disagree… Scrooge is a misanthrope. That guy notoriously really sucks until he isn’t a misanthrope anymore. Then everyone decides he’s better. I’m not sure I agree with this. Maybe Scrooge was right all along! Scrooge’s real issue was the degree in which he was misanthropic (also his hoarding of wealth but that’s not what this is about). You can’t let it control your life. But a little bit of misanthropy never hurt anyone. Am I really a misanthrope? Sure, yeah, I don’t really like people! Or at least… I don’t like most people. Or maybe what I mean is that I don’t like people because I have to or because I should. The sole reason I like a person isn’t just because they are talented or successful or beautiful or (ugh) popular. Sure, if someone I do like has those qualities then that’s great of course… But for a long time, I think I may have deluded myself that some of my friendships were deeper than my attraction to those qualities and how they benefited me and vice versa. Like an ouroboros of narcissism disguised as friendship and intimacy. For a long time, I was nervous to give in to what felt like my less personable traits, like being critical of people, or being reclusive, because I didn’t want to degrade my social capital, I didn’t want to be perceived as the bitch I was afraid I really was deep down inside. But the more I felt guilt over my feelings of dislike, the more I started to hate myself, the more I started to act in ways that I never would have, had I just been more conscious of the reasons behind my lifestyle in the first place. And I know that not everybody has experienced this, but I know I’m not the only one who has. The realization that I was living a life that was a rejection of my actual self in order to protect my place in “the world” was not an easy one to come to. It’s not like it’s easy to admit to yourself that you aren’t immune to the shallowest impulses of human behavior and connection. It’s so much easier to continue pretending that you enjoy the presence of everyone around you, that you like all the things they do and make and say. It’s easy to accept someone as being interesting and smart because everyone says they are and because they are right there looking at you, talking to you. And so it’s then very easy to assume that you are also smart and interesting, because they are, or at least everyone says they are. And if questioning someone's merit also questions yours? Well it’s just easier to not. It’s easy because it feels good to be liked, it feels good to be liked by people who other people like. It feels good to receive admiration for simply ‘being’. But just because something is easy doesn’t mean it’s right. And just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you. And this is where a little touch of misanthropy comes in to save the day. And not like, hate for mankind! Just an acceptance of your own moral failings, and those of the people around you. It’s weird because as soon as I took myself out of the center of the dissatisfactions of my life, only then was I finally able to honestly relate to everyone. It’s like… We are all equal to each other in our inadequacies, but then different in what we do about it. So, once you’ve come to the realization that you might suck and that the people around you might suck, and that both of these things lend themselves to making the entirety of your life suck, you can take action!
Oct 13, 2022
Top Recs from @dillydallydoily
Didn’t have pierced ears until I was 12, so I really enjoyed these bad boys that looked cute and barely kept on for 20 mins.
Ended up having a nickel allergy that basically keeps me from wearing any earrings so maybe I should get back into these little guys.
Feb 21, 2025
I had seen people casually before my current partner of almost 12 years, but never love.
I realized I could spend near infinite amount of time with him.
That I didn’t mind holding his hand in public
Or snuggling with him in front of my family
Or introducing him to my friends
Or calling him babe or love.
The idea of vacationing to him only sounded fun.
The idea of moving in together felt right and he felt the same way.
We revel/ed in love celebrations.
All of this happened for me within the first year and I was completely thrown off because I was always stressed out about the potential of being seen (both at all but especially as a spectacle that a relationship brings) and then with him I didn’t mind at all.
Mar 2, 2025