Being one-on-one with another person is so intimidating and intense, and usually I can only maintain it for so long before it feels like work. I like centring it around an activity, so if you don't have anything to say it's less awkward, but every once in a while the right person at the right time comes along and I feel comfortable enough in their presence that I actually crave unstructured one-on-one hangouts. Finding the right person is tough, but thankfully there's enough people in my life who I prefer spending time with as part of a larger group, and that's totally fine as long as they don't mind either :)
Jan 31, 2025
Related Recs
🧑
like being in a group of people with no one else but those people. reduced performative, authenticity, rambunctiousness, great time! i've found that public parks late at night is a good medium for this
Sep 18, 2024
🚶
I don't mean going to get groceries or Starbucks or something. I mean a bar or a movie or a diner-- places where you're expected to have company. Can either highlight some areas you need to improve psychologically or can make you feel totally sublime and alive
Jan 26, 2024
🫠
Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
Top Recs from @spencerto
🗓
One of the few apps with no ephemeral "story" feature or whatever so you don't need to check it every 24 hours. Cherish this.
Mar 6, 2024
It's just like John Swartzwelder said:
"Since writing is very hard and rewriting is comparatively easy and rather fun, I always write my scripts all the way through as fast as I can, the first day, if possible […] Then the next day, when I get up, the script’s been written. It’s lousy, but it’s a script. The hard part is done."
Jul 2, 2024
🍅
Maybe some kettle cooked chips as well… on a paper plate… now we're talking
Aug 19, 2024