Rec | MY ROMANCE JOURNEY (PT 2)

♥️

i had a conversation with my current squeeze about vday plans and i was incredibly nervous. we aren’t “official”, however both of us have not engaged in any other stuff with other people since we met. even in this situation, and from past experiences i didn't want to impose so much on him, and create an expectation that we needed to celebrate since we aren’t technically a couple. also he has a weird work schedule and fridays is his day to prepare for long shifts during the weekend. i told him we can do something the day before, but that i would like to celebrate the morning of vday with him before i get to work and he goes back home. luckily he agreed to it. this is to say, im willing to wait a bit longer. but i am curious how long he will wait. he got out of a long term relationship a month before we met. i want to give him some time. but i am kinda on a clock as well. despite that, i am still having great times with him 💗 also, i feel uncomfortable saying “boyfriend“, so im using other terms like “flame”, “squeeze”, “paramour”, etc. and honestly i like that better than the other stuff 😂

@chiawase_

Feb 1, 2025

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👨

first kiss at 23

i was raised in a highly religious household where i was taught that dating was for marriage. middle school romances, then, were frowned upon and seen as fickle because they “just lead to unnecessary heartbreak“. as fucked up as this logic was, it made sense to me at the time and little me became an expert at suppressing any and all romantic urges, knowing that one day, when i was old enough, my time would come. brainwashing runs deep though, and this sense of being too young for a serious relationship never left me. time passes, and one day i find myself at 18 years old sitting in the most romantic gazebo in a forest with this girl i felt i really liked at the time. i tell her how much i like her. she says she feels the same. my heart is pounding like never before. yet, terrified of commitment, feeling ashamed of having feelings, and having the sense that im going to have to marry this girl if things went any further, the moment came and went and we never kissed. we end up moving away from each other. i spend my next years at college feeling heartbroken but also wracking my brain over why things never truly felt right with her. i do shrooms, my religiosity unravels, and i finally accept that im gay. internal crises ensue and i spend a good couple years “doing they work”, as they say. flash forward to 23. i‘ve moved to the city and have my own apartment. i’ve just come out two months prior. i decide i want to start dating (big because i had never actually dated anyone, esp men). i meet someone online and we go out a few times. i’m absolutely charmed and he tells me how bad he wants to kiss me but i have to decline because i still feel like i barely know him and i don’t want to regret it. i explain my lore to give reason for my apprehension. like, the stakes are now HIGH - my brain is way too developed at this point for me to waste my first kiss on just anyone. one evening shortly after, we’re chatting on the couch in my apartment and that pre-kiss feeling is in the air. he asks again if he can kiss me and i say yes. he leans in, does the deed, i kiss back, and we make out for close to three hours (needed to make up for 23 years of nothing). one of the best nights of my life. it took years of self-work and un-conditioning to get to that place in my life where i could experience/enjoy a moment like that and im so proud of myself for it<3 epilogue: we continued to go out but ended up doing the whole anxious/avoidant situationship dance which nearly destroyed me in the end (i still think about him every day). but we had some good times lol

@joeldcross

Oct 17, 2024

🥁

HE WAS THE DRUMMER IN MY FRIEND’S BAND

He likes to say we met on Tinder because he knows it annoys me lol. Our very first meeting was on New Year’s Eve of 2016 at a house party. He had the same name as one of our mutual friends (“S” from here on out for anonymity’s sake) and I kept riffing with him about that and ended up hugging him when I left, my long hair got in his mouth and he still remembers that lol. He was the drummer in my friend‘s band and I’d ask about him often; each sillygoofy funny tale made me more interested and led to a little facebook stalk session. My friend mentioned that they were going to a birthday party for one of S’s friends. I begged if they could get me an invite and funnily enough that same day S saw us walking down the street and texted them “you and your friend look good in red.” The invite was secured! That night, I got all done up and went to the party and immediately got blasted on some sangria. I cornered S and talked to only him the ENTIRE party, mostly discussing a bracket my brother and I had made to determine the best disney channel original movie. He was so kind and sweet and funny and did not make a move! Which was a huge contrast compared to all the thirsty gross dudes I’d normally encounter at parties. For the next couple months, we’d see eachother around at coffee shops and exchange smiles and quick hello’s. One day on a beautiful early Spring afternoon I was sitting outside at a coffee shop reading Marx for homework and saw S. He sat outside nearby me and I said “ok this is silly!” and told/asked him to join me. We sat there for three hours as a rotating cast of characters came through. We’d see friends and they join for a spell and go on their way, the funniest addition was my friend and her 12 year old brother. I had to get to class so we parted ways and I was still surprised he hadn’t made any moves or even any objectifying comments, not that I wanted that, but that’s generally the way I’m used to men interested in me acting. I figured he had a partner, wasn’t straight, or simply wasn’t interested in me. This was the golden days of Tinder so one night when I was trawling through the city’s singles, I finally saw S on the app. This was my shot and I was not going to miss it! A simple ”swipe right” would not do my, I used my daily free superlike and held my breath. We matched! I don’t remember the first messages but it was something like “well, finally!” and we planned the first date. Apparently, he had a massive crush on me from our very first meeting and thought I was way out of his league so he wrongfully assumed my overt flirting as was just a platonic offering of friendship. We have been together ever since and are happily married and still more in love every day. He has gotten me through so much and I cannot imagine my life without him, love you my beautiful husband!!! This is your sign to shoot your damn shot!!!

@worldonfire

6d ago

💋

Fun and so teen

So one of my flexes is that actually I had a great first kiss experience. I was 15, it was with my girlfriend at the time. We had been dating on and off for a few months (this was both our first like serious relationship that counted so it was pretty messy in soooo many ways). We had been best friends for a long time before dating and we always had feelings for each other. We were in my house playing Dictator on my iPad, sitting on a bean bag in my room. We were cuddling and the tension was over the roof, and after holding the most intense stare ever I ask "what?" (and I knew what was happening but I wanted to play dumb so that she would say it and then I would not have to start it because I was nervous and we had never kissed and thought she might reject me?) anyway and she went "god, I hope I don't regret this" (which like looking back no wonder I was afraid of getting rejected and like damn bitch but also we were teens and she was very nervous too). So she KISSED ME and everything inside me exploded. We proceeded to make out for like a full 40 minutes with some breaks and like got hands under shirts and also this was the first time I ever touched a boob and it was MINDBLOWING and AWESOME (i love boobs). The breaks we took in between were also pretty sweet. Our relationship up to this point and also after was full of hiding because neither of us wanted our families to know we were together so we were always looking to get intimate in positions were breaking apart at a moment's notice would give us plausible deniability (I still was a cishet man so it wasn't a closet thing back then, but neither of us was ever very close to our families that way). We would play a couple of rounds of Dictator and then make out in the ad breaks. Also my dog was around and wanted to play and was SUCH a bother. In the end the secrecy wasn't effective because the bean bag was right in front of my door (which I was not allowed to close) and we noticed at some point my mom was passing my room on the way out of a room we never saw her walk into in the first place...? So she definitely saw us, we just don't know at what part (hopefully not when we were getting handsy LOL). We dated for a couple of months more, broke up because I left on a semester abroad, got back together after two years and had a much better, healthier, steady relationship for that time. We don't speak anymore (but that's a story for ANOTHER day) but last we spoke about this we both remember this kiss very fondly.