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AND IF YOU GAZE INTO THE ABYSS, THE ABYSS ALSO GAZES INTO THEE"-Friedrich Nietzsche
i've been surrounded by extremely wealthy people lately. i was shocked by the fact that there were people who truly had no idea how the world worked; they appeared to me to be aliens since their reality was so different from mine. their morals, their complete ignorance, and how disconnected from reality they were scared me. it only occurred to me today that i am already normalizing a lot of what they say, and i find it frightening. i was shocked when i said something similar to what everyone around me often says when i was speaking to an old friend today. he reminded me of this line after i apologized, but he simply said it was alright, he was not offended but deep down i know he trully meant it and i will remind this phrase till the day i die. maybe it is not that deep but i do not want to lose me, how scary...
i've been surrounded by extremely wealthy people lately. i was shocked by the fact that there were people who truly had no idea how the world worked; they appeared to me to be aliens since their reality was so different from mine. their morals, their complete ignorance, and how disconnected from reality they were scared me. it only occurred to me today that i am already normalizing a lot of what they say, and i find it frightening. i was shocked when i said something similar to what everyone around me often says when i was speaking to an old friend today. he reminded me of this line after i apologized, but he simply said it was alright, he was not offended but deep down i know he trully meant it and i will remind this phrase till the day i die. maybe it is not that deep but i do not want to lose me, how scary...
Feb 2, 2025
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🧠“This is why he is moved, as though he remembered a lost paradise, when he sees a grazing herd, or, in more intimate proximity, sees a child, which as yet has nothing past to deny, playing between the fences of past and future in blissful blindness. And yet the child's play must be disturbed: only too soon will it be called out of its forgetfulness. Then it comes to understand the phrase "it was", that password with which struggle, suffering and boredom approach man to remind him what his existence basically is—a never to be completed imperfect tense. And when death finally brings longed-for forgetfulness it also robs him of the present and of existence and impresses its seal on this knowledge: that existence is only an uninterrupted having-been, a thing which lives by denying itself, consuming itself, and contradicting itself.” - Nietzsche
Apr 24, 2024
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🎇I have always had these ideas about so many things in society being so stupid and unreasonable but never felt comfortable enough to stand in those ideas and actually believe them with my whole heart.
But I started hiking relatively recently, and being in the middle of nature I sort of realized we're so insignificant.
A speck of dust that will eventually be erased whole by the circle of nature and completely tiny and meaningless along the eons of earth.
I decided not to throw myself into that existential hole but it definitely affected how I saw everything around me. And I sort of decided that while there are moral rules in society that definitely are there whether they're written or not and are definitely for the good, I also sort of accepted that so SO many things are made up, tails people created for a variety of reasons and that, I wasn't born in this big world just for someone to tell me what is the right way of existing, or to tell me the right way to live the insignificant and tiny amount of time I'll be here in this planet.
All the definitions of being I might fit in according to the world, are completely meaningless outside the human mind, all completely made up just so we can explain ourselves the world we live in, imaginary cages. All concepts of superior gender, superior race, superior religion, superior culture, superior or inferior, are ALL MADE UP. and none of that defines me, I am, at the end something completely undefinable, man or woman or human or this or that- No. People might have a definition for me but as long as I realize it is all made up so people can feel they made something out of their existence, then it doesn't really define me at all. And it is completely liberating, to know I can choose to play the game the same way everyone plays it or just go on creative mode, however I want.
May 22, 2025
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😶Sometimes I feel sad for no reason sometimes I feel happy it feels like a oligarchy behind my skin like I truly have no control over anything they say we are just speaking through the universe. But that really misses me off. I don't ever feel like I know myself. Like I think to myself who is anyone really to listen to me. What I am to others. I have seen a impact but only in moderation with the longest skirt you can think of.
It's all recreational like a cloak.
The dagger is on a string thrown away through a sleeve.
Sometimes I feel like I am making progress but I honestly don't think that there was any progress made because I never truly tried to be the person I admired being I feel like I blew it and it's never going to get better.
I feel like my emotions put me in more danger than get me out.
For I am a husk.
It's all recreational like a cloak.
The dagger is on a string thrown away through a sleeve.
Sometimes I feel like I am making progress but I honestly don't think that there was any progress made because I never truly tried to be the person I admired being I feel like I blew it and it's never going to get better.
I feel like my emotions put me in more danger than get me out.
For I am a husk.
Jul 16, 2025
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