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Spent the day with my mom—it was nice, overdue. But now I’m wrung out, heavy-limbed, like I left pieces of myself scattered along the way. Is it the starkness of seeing the world unfiltered, or the quiet exhaustion of performing okay-ness? I don’t know. Maybe I’m not sad. Maybe this is just the shape I take now— kicking up my feet on the edge of something vast, staring out, waiting to feel like I belong to myself again.
Feb 14, 2025
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I left for a while to go on a study abroad experience. The more time passes after The Thing, the less life makes sense. I'm trying to get back to the people I used to know, to get back into the routine I had, the things I used to think.
But somehow EVERYTHING about and around me is different and I don't understand ANYTHING. My body is different, my time isn't the same and somehow even my thought process has changed.
I came back home expecting familiarity and warmth, and surprise, the world has obviously moved on (as I did) and nothing is the same, except all that is. Maybe not understanding everything I thought I had already integrated is part of growing up, I feel as if I'm shedding old skin to make room for new one, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared, confused, and generally don't really get the concept of time passing.
I never used to get when people said they wanted the world to stop for a second, because that wasn't me, I wanted more, faster, more, all of it. Now I get it. Let me lay here for a moment and not think about anything.
☆lookaliveodette!!!!!!☆
Feb 26, 2025
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Like a horse with no name, just feeling off and odd and outside of it all with no discernible cause and nausea on top. Feel like you’re washing away but not sure where from or to.…Comes randomly and unceremoniously, lasting a few days and cleaving a rift in every moment and interaction, a rift you kinda try to pretend isn’t there because you don’t know the cause or timeline. But rather than hammering your fists over an open canyon, casting a lonely echo, you breathe when you can and try to describe not why but what (for research, when it inevitably comes again), and wait until you feel the sun on your head again, when you stretch your fingers and feel the pull of your skin and the blood rush through and know you may not be you yet but you’re closer than the day before. And the fractures stay like fossils reminding you how swiftly you can slip outside of it all but also that you can float on back too.
May 26, 2025
I’m currently traveling and my head is spinning with amazement. it’s more beautiful than I have or could have imagined. I’ve very grateful to be able to. to be able to try and be care free! I live nervously with myself still, and ive been getting waves of sadness at the end of the nights, feeling like an imposter, feeling as if I’m STILL not doing life right lol. but I am loved, I am taken care of, and I do have good things going for me. And I’m thousands of miles away from what haunts me, feels a bit better this far
This image/this energy is what I’m feeling not even exactly what it says
Jun 3, 2025
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is it possible to understand others but not able
to connect with them and for others to not understand you but be able to connect with you?
Feb 17, 2025
A tragic case of form without function. Thanks little spool for making me feel seen 😜
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