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🥁

HE WAS THE DRUMMER IN MY FRIEND’S BAND

He likes to say we met on Tinder because he knows it annoys me lol. Our very first meeting was on New Year’s Eve of 2016 at a house party. He had the same name as one of our mutual friends (“S” from here on out for anonymity’s sake) and I kept riffing with him about that and ended up hugging him when I left, my long hair got in his mouth and he still remembers that lol. He was the drummer in my friend‘s band and I’d ask about him often; each sillygoofy funny tale made me more interested and led to a little facebook stalk session. My friend mentioned that they were going to a birthday party for one of S’s friends. I begged if they could get me an invite and funnily enough that same day S saw us walking down the street and texted them “you and your friend look good in red.” The invite was secured! That night, I got all done up and went to the party and immediately got blasted on some sangria. I cornered S and talked to only him the ENTIRE party, mostly discussing a bracket my brother and I had made to determine the best disney channel original movie. He was so kind and sweet and funny and did not make a move! Which was a huge contrast compared to all the thirsty gross dudes I’d normally encounter at parties. For the next couple months, we’d see eachother around at coffee shops and exchange smiles and quick hello’s. One day on a beautiful early Spring afternoon I was sitting outside at a coffee shop reading Marx for homework and saw S. He sat outside nearby me and I said “ok this is silly!” and told/asked him to join me. We sat there for three hours as a rotating cast of characters came through. We’d see friends and they join for a spell and go on their way, the funniest addition was my friend and her 12 year old brother. I had to get to class so we parted ways and I was still surprised he hadn’t made any moves or even any objectifying comments, not that I wanted that, but that’s generally the way I’m used to men interested in me acting. I figured he had a partner, wasn’t straight, or simply wasn’t interested in me. This was the golden days of Tinder so one night when I was trawling through the city’s singles, I finally saw S on the app. This was my shot and I was not going to miss it! A simple ”swipe right” would not do my, I used my daily free superlike and held my breath. We matched! I don’t remember the first messages but it was something like “well, finally!” and we planned the first date. Apparently, he had a massive crush on me from our very first meeting and thought I was way out of his league so he wrongfully assumed my overt flirting as was just a platonic offering of friendship. We have been together ever since and are happily married and still more in love every day. He has gotten me through so much and I cannot imagine my life without him, love you my beautiful husband!!! This is your sign to shoot your damn shot!!!

@worldonfire

5d ago

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university for loving

My partner and I met when we were freshman at the University of Iowa. We both lived in English major housing. One day, I went over to talk to my friend Ryan, a few doors down, and I saw Charlie leaning on his chair. They had long brown hair that was perfectly straight and a rich curtain of bangs. They had absurdly blue eyes. They were the hottest person I had ever seen and I decided that they were going to see a lot of me. Unfortunately, Ryan was shy and Charlie was shyer making it hard to start conversations. So I listened, really really carefully for a chance to be combative. If I heard Charlie say anything I would disagree. If I heard them in the hallway, I would run it in front of them and “fall“ down the stairs. I did everything I could so they would have to talk to me! Pretty soon, we were in the same Intro to English major and then we were talking regularly (I was still annoying because that’s just the kind of person I am). Then we went on a date to a pasta place, then we moved in together, then they saved my life, then we adopted a cat. And we lived like that for 10 years. Last year we got married in a historic theatre 15 minutes from where we first met. Today is our one year wedding anniversary.

@florinegrassenhopper

Oct 14, 2024

👨

first kiss at 23

i was raised in a highly religious household where i was taught that dating was for marriage. middle school romances, then, were frowned upon and seen as fickle because they “just lead to unnecessary heartbreak“. as fucked up as this logic was, it made sense to me at the time and little me became an expert at suppressing any and all romantic urges, knowing that one day, when i was old enough, my time would come. brainwashing runs deep though, and this sense of being too young for a serious relationship never left me. time passes, and one day i find myself at 18 years old sitting in the most romantic gazebo in a forest with this girl i felt i really liked at the time. i tell her how much i like her. she says she feels the same. my heart is pounding like never before. yet, terrified of commitment, feeling ashamed of having feelings, and having the sense that im going to have to marry this girl if things went any further, the moment came and went and we never kissed. we end up moving away from each other. i spend my next years at college feeling heartbroken but also wracking my brain over why things never truly felt right with her. i do shrooms, my religiosity unravels, and i finally accept that im gay. internal crises ensue and i spend a good couple years “doing they work”, as they say. flash forward to 23. i‘ve moved to the city and have my own apartment. i’ve just come out two months prior. i decide i want to start dating (big because i had never actually dated anyone, esp men). i meet someone online and we go out a few times. i’m absolutely charmed and he tells me how bad he wants to kiss me but i have to decline because i still feel like i barely know him and i don’t want to regret it. i explain my lore to give reason for my apprehension. like, the stakes are now HIGH - my brain is way too developed at this point for me to waste my first kiss on just anyone. one evening shortly after, we’re chatting on the couch in my apartment and that pre-kiss feeling is in the air. he asks again if he can kiss me and i say yes. he leans in, does the deed, i kiss back, and we make out for close to three hours (needed to make up for 23 years of nothing). one of the best nights of my life. it took years of self-work and un-conditioning to get to that place in my life where i could experience/enjoy a moment like that and im so proud of myself for it<3 epilogue: we continued to go out but ended up doing the whole anxious/avoidant situationship dance which nearly destroyed me in the end (i still think about him every day). but we had some good times lol

@joeldcross

Oct 17, 2024

Top Recs from @salad_valet

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Breaking free from spotify

i canceled my Spotify account over the summer and have spent the last few months rebuilding my digital music library on a refurbished iPod Touch. reading critiques of the app (and it’s enshittification), i realized i wasn’t even sure of my own musical tastes and preferences. i had stopped picking for myself, stopped seeking out new music, ceasing to know how to choose what i wanted or articulate what i like. breaking free from the algorithm has been such a joy! i’m borrowing gobs of music from the library, rebuilding my old playlists, and consuming more music than i have in years. and better yet, my data isn’t being tracked by Spotify and i own what’s in my personal library. further, my receptors are more open when i’m out in the world exposed to music, searching for recommendations in an organic way.

@salad_valet

Jan 16, 2025

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The anti-capitalist nature of pi.fyi

i’ve been trying to articulate why i enjoy this space so much. yes, the UX is reminiscent of Tumblr and the early days of the internet. and there’s genuine sincerity and vulnerability on here that makes it feel really cozy and real, which i haven’t felt online in at least a decade. but i think what’s undergirding my love of this space is how anti-capitalist it feels. most of the recs everyone shares are vibe-checks, quality of life shifts, meditations and offers, music and movies, just plain good art. i don’t feel compelled to buy anything when i come here. i feel excited and pumped to be a cheerleader, find connection, find common ground. and FWIW the recs i’ve shared that have gotten the most traction are my suggestions for leading a less capitalistic / consumerist life (quitting Amazon, getting off of Spotify, building community to take care of you and your things). all of this is to say, i love it here and i love you guys.

@salad_valet

Feb 7, 2025

🛒

Quitting amazon

hear me out—this one might feel impossible, but i quit purchasing items on Amazon in 2018 and cancelled my GoodReads account shortly after. i did some serious reflection and realized i’d become super reliant upon, and frankly, quite used to the instant gratification of purchasing something and knowing i’d have it within a day. that’s not normal. the labor practices, economics, and environmental impacts of getting what you want from the internet delivered quickly and right to your door are skewed. i was filling a void in myself with mindless purchases. i’m aware that they service a huge swath of the internet (Amazon Web Services), own Whole Foods and Abe Books, and will likely take over more businesses we like and rely on. weaning off and avoiding entirely is very very hard, but it can also be a measured decision. that said, i know that it is a privilege to abstain from Amazon. i am able bodied, i don’t have kids, i have access to a car, i live in an urban environment with access to a lot of stuff at my fingertips. but making the choice to break out of the Amazon loop has ultimately been better for my pocketbook and better for my relationship to these mega-tech-companies that have their fingers in everything. in contrast, i’m becoming more interested in alternate economies, like bartering and sharing. i love the idea of having commonly shared tools and items (tool libraries are very cool). we don’t need to own it all, we have each other. interested in exploring more? the zine pictured below is a great start, and summarizes a much larger book by the same author on how to resist the leviathan that is Amazon.

@salad_valet

Jan 22, 2025