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I spent a lot of time this past year contemplating moving out from my apartment that I share with my best friend. We have lived with each other since 2018, and have seen each other in every high and low and stuck together like glue regardless. However, over the past two years, we began to bicker a lot, stopped spending time with each other, and it just felt like there was too much resentment built up between us to continue living in the same space together. Long story short, we both ended up going through a lot of life changes and events in the last year. This all ended up putting things into perspective for the two of us.
One day, after a particularly tough series of unfortunate events in both of our personal lives, we sat down in the living room and finally opened up about all of the things that had been causing tension in our friendship. Both of us were crying the whole time, because it really sucks having to talk about each other's bad choices and shortfalls, but it was a necessary pain in the end. We both came out of the conversation feeling like a load had been taken off our shoulders. Everything that needed to be said had been put out in the open. We both went on through the following months doing our best to work on what we needed to, so that we could continue coexisting in the same space. With time, the resentment we held against the other faded, and we slowly became friends again. Putting in the work was well worth it.
Communication is incredibly important in every aspect of your life. It needs to be prioritized, regardless of how scary it is. We are all human, and all of us fall short. If you never bring up your concerns, you can't expect a person to ever change their behavior.
Feb 17, 2025
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I just don't think all friends are forever. I used to think every friend was worth investing in and fighting for to keep around for as long as possible, but it's becoming clear to me that it isn't always the case. Sometimes life situations change, or personalities change, or even the things you had in common with someone changes, and suddenly it's not the same. And that's okay. Other times it's the realization of self-growth and improvement that shifts you from friendships. I had one friend that I used to love to...well, gossip with. And at some point that desire to gossip dissipated from my life (for obvious reasons) and that friendship didn't seem that attractive anymore since it wasn't what I wanted to do. I remember when we felt the drift happen, it was so awkward for a bit but I genuinely feel like whenever we connected it would just become...toxic. And it wasn't like they made me worse; we both made each other worse. The idea of 'I have to leave them, they are bringing me down' is BS - it's a two way street buddy. They made me want to gossip / I made them want to gossip. You have to own your part in it. IDK! I just think at 30, there are people I though I'd be close to today that I am not close to at all and although I might miss them, I fully understand that I'm better and healthier and more sane because of that distance. IDK. I'm caffeinated rn. And in my feels. And Bon Iver isn't making it better!!!
Sep 25, 2024
📲
I left all social media for something like five years and only posted on a small insular abandoned app during that time and that was the main way I communicated with people. After feeling repeatedly hurt and misunderstood and wondering why it was so hard to build earnest connections through this medium I decided to leave. I realized that constantly narrativizing my life with no filter gave me no space to process or examine and kept me trapped in deeply baked-in stories in my head.
Anyway I’ve maintained contact with a small handful of my closest friends and it has honestly been somewhat difficult keeping in touch to the same degree as I did before about everyone’s day to day lives.
I think the hardest part is being the odd one out so you’re missing out on the tidbits they share in this one centralized place for the purpose of economy and time and that’s something you kind of just have to accept. There’s a certain level of meticulous detail that may be lost to you and I think interactions become more of a broad big-picture thing; not being so bogged down in the mundanity allows you to engage with more distance and perspective which can lead to greater depth and emotional honesty.
And then it’s funny because the communication you’re engaging in becomes so direct that rather than everything being so uniform and kind of tossed out there, everything has to be very intentional and personal.
You have to choose to reach out, again and again; you also have to choose when to give people space. You have to be very conscious of the balance between giving and taking because everything isn’t just being offered all at once indirectly on both sides—and this balance won’t always be perfect and sometimes you might not handle it in the most perfect way.
I decided at the beginning of the year that intentionality would be my main theme and I’m still working on it. So I don’t really have the answers but engaging with friends off of social media shapes everything in new and interesting ways and those are some thoughts I’ve had as I begin to navigate this…
Feb 24, 2025
😃
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships that for one reason or another ended up falling apart throughout my life. Some were my fault, some were theirs, and some a mix of both. Some have been redeemed, some are being restored as we speak, and some will never be mended or fixed. I think for many years I was so convinced that I needed to make amends with everyone, regardless of how things went. It felt like I had an obligation to swallow my pride and apologize, even if I wasn’t at fault. I spent so much time dismissing my own feelings in order to repair things with people that never really cared about my feelings in the first place. That was a majority of my early 20’s.
Looking back now at 30, it’s interesting to see how time has given me so much peace about letting certain relationships end and not feeling like I needed to revive them. It’s a strange acceptance that at some point, we must have been good friends for a reason, even if I can’t remember what that reason was and that I can remember the good moments and the laughter and the fun and the trips and the celebrations without focusing on the bad. It’s like the time has allowed me to forget exactly how bad the bad times were and it makes the good memories seem better than they were.
In my 20’s I would have either tried to fix everything for the sake of the good moments, or I would have stubbornly tried to forget them entirely because of the bad.
But it feels different now.
So much time has passed and I naturally find myself thinking of those people less frequently, but when I do think of them I remember them more fondly. And it’s okay for it to be just that. There’s no need for more, no need to reach out, no need to make things as they were. It’s an acceptance that some things do just end and that’s ok. I don’t have to focus on the bad, it’s okay to celebrate the good that existed if even just for a small amount of time. The laughter and the love and the companionship was real then, even if it doesn’t exist any longer.
Here’s to hoping all those people are doing well in life and finding success and love and building a life with someone and establishing their legacy. Here’s to hoping that good luck finds them from time to time. And here’s to hoping that when they remember me, hopefully they wish the same good fortune my way.
May 2, 2024
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Apr 16, 2025
It’s incredible how many people genuinely think they are boring. There have been so many times I’ve spoken with people and they confess that they think that they haven’t done much with their life, or that they don’t have much interesting to talk about, but it’s almost never the case.
From what I can tell, it’s often caused by a lack of knowing thyself. Or maybe a low self esteem? I’ve been through it too, and it is so so not true for anyone.
You’ve done so much living. Why do you feel like your story is not worth telling? I know you’ve gone through some crazy shit once or twice. if you really haven’t, what’s stopping you from getting out there and creating stories to talk about? Start small! go to a coffee shop once a week. See if they have any clubs to join, and try that out! you’ll be making memories in NO TIME.
If you have trouble finding meaningful/fun conversation, just remember that the effort must flow both ways. You are merely just working with what the other person is providing you, and if they aren’t giving you anything to work with, it’s not your fault. You aren’t boring, you are just around people who dont vibe with you. And that’s okay! Not every person is going to be your specific kind of person. Plus, if you aren’t having fun talking to them, why does it matter if they like you? the much cooler people who value your input are just around the corner. I promise.
One day you’ll be able to shine your beautiful personality on someone who is equally as bright you are, you magnificent comet, you.
Feb 13, 2025
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no frosting, no filling. nothing beats it.
Apr 10, 2025