šŖ¦
it's good to miss people. the ones i never said i loved enough, but they knew, the people i couldn't save, didn't get close enough to, got too close to, my high school academic team coach, those who raised me. i dont really think about the people ive lost until im alone because im supposed to appreciate what i do have, love my friends who are alive, not bring down the mood by bringing up their dead parents, but luckily sometimes before bed those people still pay me a visit, say hi, they're keeping an eye on me, telling me not to join them just yet
Feb 20, 2025
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š°
the concept of time can be comforting, but also scary at the same time. itās a comfort, knowing that your wounds would slowly close itself up as time passes by. but itās also scary, that when you think about it, we really are only insignificant beings, in the face of time.
it is both scary and comforting, when i realized how easy it is to move on from the past. people that you once thought couldnāt live without, suddenly become a supporting character in one of your chapters of life. the name that you swore would never forget, suddenly becomes āthat one friend that i had back in high school.ā
and whatās even scarier, is that, sometimes it is beyond our control. time justā¦ took them away from us without our consent. names, places, memories. and most of the time, we wouldnāt even feel the loss and grief that shouldāve come with losing them.
Jan 11, 2025
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most days itās fine but then I listen to ābetween the barsā by Elliot Smith and it takes me back to last year when I still had them. Even when my heart yearns for the familiarity of our old bond I know weāll never laugh like we used to do. What a pity is to be a human and to know someone for so long and then be strangers.
Mar 9, 2025
Sometimes it just pops out of nowhere, sometimes itās just a passing memory and sometimes out of the blue I feel the weight of what happened. I had a best friend, a person with which I connected in a way I never did with anyone. She moved out of the city and with that she stopped any communication with me. I miss her. I miss her so much. I feel like I must have fucked up big time for this to be happening. In our last call I told her I was worried we would lose contact with the distance and she told me it would never happen. I believed her. Itās a weird sadness; most of the time I can see clearly that more than try to text her I cannot do much and Iām angry or confused about the situation but it passes, I go by my day. But sometimes this wave of sadness arrives and I remember how she made me laugh, how she looked at me, the day we actually talked like friends for the first time and then it hits me that we might have spoken for the last time. how could that be? I still believe her. One day sheāll call me and my memories of today will fade and get replaced by others of us together.
I should have called her more, told her more times how I loved her, how she was beautiful, we should have gone to more concerts together, we should have said yes to that dude who wanted to interview us for a tiktok. We should have when there still was a we.
One day talking about relationships, I mentioned how incapable I am at letting go and how sometimes I start to resent the person I canāt let go for the things we do to each other. So maybe itās all for the best, maybe Iām being spared, maybe it will save our memories from being tainted, maybe thatās all the time meant for us. I donāt know but I wish I did.
Jan 18, 2025
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have to remember to pay it forward for my roommates' friends helping us feed the cats thru this freeze. i shall do this by getting into the community garden and growin em some sweet veg when it warms up.
Feb 20, 2025
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i mean yeah i know i was kinda gay for ya and not tryna do anything about it but do we rlly gotta stop hanging/calling bc u tryna talk to some "fine shyt" or whatever
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 20, 2025