having fluttery conniptions at the mere thought of them, the good, the bad, or the mundane. like what is goin' on here! did I drink a cursed elixir? is somebody throwing an effigy of me down a flight of stairs every day??
Consistent affection, compassion and company shared with another being? ha. That’s for dweebs. Sex hijinks, confusing text msgs/signals and unrequited lust that ends in you being perpetually single, unsure, horny, needy and forever a little unstable in the romantic arena? Now that’s refreshing !
It is wonderful. You can Indulge in fantasy undisturbed by reality. You can choose to live in fantasy, the two are so far away . It is amazingly broken and my heart hurts with anticipation, want & fulfillment . 1/3 of relationships with people are with your Idea of that person anyway. today I serendipitously bumped into him whilst he was on his way to the library and my heart, devoid of its own volition, trembled. And it was beautiful because over the weekend, where I did not see him, I had completely forgotten about him and considered the whole thing to be a farce. Then I saw him. And eveyrhtinf gave out!!! How insane.
i did, in fact, make myself cry when she left thinking about how we probably have no future together bc she’s poly and I am a jealous fool, hopeless romantic, etc And yet I will continue to torture myself imagining one nonetheless ! I am nothing if not committed to my self-inflicted suffering. And that is precisely what thanksgiving is all about.
I’m on an instagram break plus I like you guys more so please enjoy this painting I am proud of. Referencing Bosch‘s garden of earthly delights, specifically the third “Hell” panel ❤️🔥 acrylic and gouache on raw canvas!