no experience is ever original, not your first love or the time you ate fruit thinking you made it in the city or the time you first read this essay and felt like an intellect
the memories you described are so vivid for you because these are likely the formative experiences with those things that marked your first conscious interactions with them. as your child self this was an automatic process, but if you are intentional in approaching your current experiences with this same perspective, it could be enlightening. maybe you stop to notice the taste of a favorite food, what was it about the flavor that first drew you to it? maybe listen a bit harder to that one song, which lyric/melody/progression draws you out of passive listening. in general, more active observation and attention to your senses will provide you with new connections to the things that might have become mundane, as you've interacted with them so frequently that your mind numbs you them
in the summer evenings playing old songs out loud feeling the humidity against your skin and being reminded of the summers of when you were 11 12 13 and this is all there ever was
i think that heartbreak is one of the most (if not THE most) human experiences of all time. it hurts so bad but also hurts so strangely good in a “i feel so alive rn and i love so much” type of way. through all of the vivid and gut-wrenching emotions, it forces you to grow so fucking much both maturity-wise and identity-wise. so yeah, heartbreak is tonights rec
