so there were lots of nice moments!! among my favorites:
• saw a great movie at my friend’s favorite and very cool theater
• enjoyed the presence of other writers during an hour of work on our projects
• explored a quirky used bookstore
• had several late night, falling-asleep-as-you’re-speaking chats with my friend of 26 years, just as we’ve always done
• laughed hard
• friend beat me to saying “i love you” and i realized how often i’m the first to say it in relationships/interactions and hearing it offered (instead of automatically returned) helped balm something i didn’t know was wounded
• proved to myself that even though i can never outrun my OCD, i can do more alongside it than i thought i could
Mar 21, 2025
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just booked tickets to go stay with a couple inter-city friends after we’d been talking about this for weeks
the dopamine rush is insane
Apr 13, 2025
i went on my first truly solo trip this weekend and it was a blast. i got a hotel in downtown pittsburgh and spent my time walking the city, stopping at cool shops i saw, finding local spots for food, going to a monster jam show at the arena, visiting museums and the botanical gardens. and wow! it was so nice to explore a new city completely on my own terms.
i’ve always been good at doing things alone (only child behavior) but for the past few months i have been the definition of crash out core, and i have just felt really lonely and pessimistic about life. i spur of the moment planned this trip for myself about a week ago because when i feel myself really slipping from reality it always seems the only thing that saves me is spontaneously doing something to feel like i have control over my life again. and boy! did i rediscover a piece of myself in pittsburgh.
life has its ebbs and flows for sure. but as i drift through my 20s, im trying my best to make sure i always feel secure in myself. i like being around me! as long as i have me (which is inevitable), i know i have the power to build a nice time for myself.
i fear i uncovered a piece of my heart in pittsburgh. a heart that shows myself way more grace than i have been lately. a heart that thinks i am a pretty awesome person who is worthy of pretty cool things and will cultivate it myself if i have to.
my solo weekend trip was great, and im very excited to do it more often
Feb 17, 2025
my bestie lives here and finally time allowed for me to visit her. we got breakfast, swam in the Sandy river, and ate take out in the grass in the rose gardens. falling asleep tonight to this view ✨
3d ago
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bc it’s what I originally wanted when I first went to college at 17 but I was scared to make writing my job and got a B.S. in Nutrition instead lol
Now the goal is an eventual PhD in Victorian Literature but I’m just happy to have made it through this part at 32!
Stacked is everything I read in my English courses—barely pictured are the 5 stuffed accordion folders of other reading materials under my chair haha
May 16, 2024
đźšż
the only place i win the social interaction
Aug 21, 2024
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conflusional. delonfident, even
Oct 1, 2024