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Technically Iām using this term wrongāitās from the āmarshmallow experimentā (iykyk). But in the last year, I have been developing a stronger muscle for delayed gratification as a counter to instant gratification. We live in a very wild moment in modernity / late-stage capitalism where seemingly everything we desire (to own, to know) is at our fingertips. And Iām not entirely convinced we were meant to live like this. Yearning, waiting, longing for something, being patientāthese are an important part of the human experience. So why deny ourselves the distinct pleasure of waiting for or working toward something by instantly having it? Slowing down is veryĀ veryĀ good for us and part of what keeps me going.
Here are some ways I practice my delayed gratification:
š film photography, it takes a long while to finish a roll and more time to get the pictures developed
ā²ļø borrowing media from the library (bonus points for requesting the library purchase something for me, then hoping and waiting with no guarantee)
š°ļø buying myself a present and then not opening it until the right moment. both of the gold charms that i wear daily i waited a couple of months to open to mark major life milestones
ā° making sourdough bread. i have to decide three days in advance that i want to bake it and start feeding my starter so sheās ready to bake with.
ā±ļø keeping a wishlist instead of buying something the second i want it. this gives me time to consider the purpose it serves, determine if i already own something similar (especially clothing), figure out if i can get by borrowing it (books! music! tools!), and ultimately save up for it. also our shopping impulses are often a response to something deeper inside of us, which is how we often accumulate so much stuff!Ā
š sending letters / having pen pals, which gives us the chance to slow down our responsiveness and availability. i love anticipating their letters and sitting down to draft my own.Ā
šŖ· having an orchid in my house. she blooms once a year, but i nurture her throughout the year to reach that moment each spring.Ā
Mar 25, 2025
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Yes!!! I do a lot of this too. The wishlist is also great bc I can give it to ppl who ask what I want for my bday! And I have found myself taking things off of it that I feel I no longer need
Another way to practice it for me has been seasonality w food! Buying in season produce gets me excited for the passage of time. the first orange I had during citrus season was the best thing I feel Iāve ever tasted lol
@HOLLYCOOKSWITHFRIENDS season produce is SUCH a good form of delayed gratification. i cannot wait for peach season and tomato season. But first letās do asparagus and ramps!
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I'm frustrated with my tendency towards indecision, and I react by overcompensating. But maybe I could let slow choosing protect me instead. Especially financially!
I get on a tear for about a month at a time about one thing (interior design currently) and I want to upend my material possessions. I'm obsessively thinking about money and furniture right now and the occasional reward of the great FB marketplace find temporarily justifies the time sink of it all. I feel the pressure of grabbing something before it's gone and to fill the room I'm working on with all the little details that will perfect it and justify the time spent. But at the end of a search, online shopping and even just window shopping makes me feel depressed and like I'm wasting hours of my life on insubstantial nothings. Making one purchase greases the wheels to make another and the desire to consume exponentially increases while the satisfaction dwindles.
The rec is to let the dust settle before reacting to change. Even if you have barriers that will physically prevent you from making your next decision, like a budget forcing you to wait on a following purchase, don't invest time researching that next decision until you've figured out how you feel about your last one. Move all the furniture in a room around and leave it for a few days even if it's sort of worse, put all the knick-knacks in a box and then take them out again, write down everything you want to change on a piece of paper and leave it on your desk for a week. Draw a picture of your vision and tape it above your bed. I drew literally 6 different versions of the room I'm sitting in and it's still in a different state than I could have predicted I would have chosen.
My favorite thing in here now is a collage I made years ago which I dug out of a moving box in my closet and stuck in a dirty frame my friend thrifted. It's a crappy DIY and I had to use a claw hammer to bend and unbend the nails holding the backing to do it. I hated the result, but left it on my desk anyways and now it makes me happy every day.
Apr 11, 2025
Iāve spent years coming to terms with my relationship to shopping and how that impacts my life, my finances, my relationship to self. Iāve done no-spend months and saved up for items, but by far my favorite tactic to curbing my spending is delayed gratification. Anytime I see something I want, I add it to my digital wishlist. The beauty is, the act of putting the item on the list keeps the idea of it alive and satisfies this tiny urge to spend money. Even better, the list acts as a little magic tool of manifestation. I have periodically been gifted things off of my list and regularly find items on the list second hand!
Feb 27, 2025
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this is something my parents often talk about when they talk about their parenting "style"...
basically when we were little and a new hot toy/gadget/thing came out, they would hold off on buying it on principle. If a few months went by and I still wanted the thing (likely bc I had played with it at someone else's house) then they would become open to the possibility and potentially let me get it (not always).
They said they wanted to teach us to develop our own tastes, and not be impulsive with our money when we were older. Tbh I think it worked well, I often only participate in a trend if I really like it and think I'll wear it past the trend cycle.
Feb 18, 2024
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i canceled my Spotify account over the summer and have spent the last few months rebuilding my digital music library on a refurbished iPod Touch. reading critiques of the app (and itās enshittification), i realized i wasnāt even sure of my own musical tastes and preferences. i had stopped picking for myself, stopped seeking out new music, ceasing to know how to choose what i wanted or articulate what i like.
breaking free from the algorithm has been such a joy! iām borrowing gobs of music from the library, rebuilding my old playlists, and consuming more music than i have in years. and better yet, my data isnāt being tracked by Spotify and i own whatās in my personal library. further, my receptors are more open when iām out in the world exposed to music, searching for recommendations in an organic way.
Jan 16, 2025
iāve been trying to articulate why i enjoy this space so much. yes, the UX is reminiscent of Tumblr and the early days of the internet. and thereās genuine sincerity and vulnerability on here that makes it feel really cozy and real, which i havenāt felt online in at least a decade.
but i think whatās undergirding my love of this space is how anti-capitalist it feels. most of the recs everyone shares are vibe-checks, quality of life shifts, meditations and offers, music and movies, just plain good art. i donāt feel compelled to buy anything when i come here. i feel excited and pumped to be a cheerleader, find connection, find common ground. and FWIW the recs iāve shared that have gotten the most traction are my suggestions for leading a less capitalistic / consumerist life (quitting Amazon, getting off of Spotify, building community to take care of you and your things).
all of this is to say, i love it here and i love you guys.
Feb 7, 2025
hear me outāthis one might feel impossible, but i quit purchasing items on Amazon in 2018 and cancelled my GoodReads account shortly after.
i did some serious reflection and realized iād become super reliant upon, and frankly, quite used to the instant gratification of purchasing something and knowing iād have it within a day. thatās not normal. the labor practices, economics, and environmental impacts of getting what you want from the internet delivered quickly and right to your door are skewed. i was filling a void in myself with mindless purchases.
iām aware that they service a huge swath of the internet (Amazon Web Services), own Whole Foods and Abe Books, and will likely take over more businesses we like and rely on. weaning off and avoiding entirely is very very hard, but it can also be a measured decision. that said, i know that it is a privilege to abstain from Amazon. i am able bodied, i donāt have kids, i have access to a car, i live in an urban environment with access to a lot of stuff at my fingertips. but making the choice to break out of the Amazon loop has ultimately been better for my pocketbook and better for my relationship to these mega-tech-companies that have their fingers in everything.
in contrast, iām becoming more interested in alternate economies, like bartering and sharing. i love the idea of having commonly shared tools and items (tool libraries are very cool). we donāt need to own it all, we have each other.
interested in exploring more? the zine pictured below is a great start, and summarizes a much larger book by the same author on how to resist the leviathan that is Amazon.
Jan 22, 2025