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i used to chase rainbows walk a few blocks maybe then turn around cause i always knew it was fruitless now i do the same for sunsets  try to stay up for sunrises i never succeeded but i always look back i keep swinging and dreaming of the sun rise i never saw all i have is the orange horizon that never finishes its downfall i close my eyes and listen to the cicadas i take a deep breath and ask god to change  but i open my eyes and the sun isn't set hours after it was supposed to my legs are tired but i wish to swing my head hurts but i can breath the car lights blind me and i hope they don't think of me  the bright fluorescent lights highlight my growing roots not blonde but not entirely brown dull and indecisive  so the next day, I walked further, I tried to see the sun for a better angle since I once again missed the rise I seem to have walked quite too far, so the sky was blank, covered by trees and high skylines so I go back and turn around feeling the cars go by me almost hitting me each time, and I immediately regret that I didn't walk even further to see what was beyond the bend, maybe the trees would clear away and i’d finally see the set from a perfect angle I hope one day I'd find myself back to a tall mountain Ridge where I could see the fall and theoretically the rise all by myself and nothing else in mind but i didnt take advantage when i did have that perfect spot
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Mar 30, 2025

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I’ve spent the whole morning looking for a lost key that would open all the doors. It was like waking up small cuts in the throat, like searching for the past and remembering the pain. Another thing crossed off the list, but was it worth coming back home? Will it help to bang your head against the doors? What we do is shameful, it’s shameful to neglect what we have around Walking back home, I unplugged myself and looked up at the sky. It was 8:34 PM and there were a few stars. I realized the trap - dispersion. I don’t know how long it’s been since I last looked up at the sky - usually, we gaze blankly down, the deepest point of a screen.
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if the sun rose on the west i would've had the courage to become what i was meant to be but the sun never fails to rise on the east and so the tides continue to flood my shore, full of big dreams i float and blame everything because failure paralyzes me more than discomfort could ever greet me good morning
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