16 years old was a weird time for me. it was the second time in my life I came out and being trans, and I have a huge memory gap right before the tail end of being 16. it's weird that I don't remember much of it anymore.
I think my biggest take away is that it hurts to let your perspectives change as you age, but you just have to let it happen if you want to grow. a lot of people you'll find in adulthood are stuck in mindsets and worldviews that form around their 20s, informed by things they vaguely remember as teens. not that there's anything wrong with it, just that I personally feel that the teenage years might be the most self aware time of your life, while simultaneously being carefree for some. life at 23 for me feels like constantly having to work backwards - why do I believe this? why do I have this bad habit? why am I struggling with this same thing over and over? I feel like you still struggle with that when you're 16, but in your 20s the layers on top of the problems begin to form. and you can't avoid them, nessecarily. it's just easier to figure out why you have certain habits and beliefs before time obscures them, even without the memory loss I have.
as you control your own life fully you find it harder to get out of more intricate ruts.
the reality is, that we don't know everything. 16 is a time in your life when people almost demand you start planning for your future. and there's nothing wrong with that, nessecarily. but nothing is future proof. we have to live with a grain of salt and not get too involved in things that hurt. that gets harder to do as you get older, get stuck repeating old patterns. but practicing introspection and curiousity in your late teens is a great way to keep that muscle up as you get older. because things will change - facts, ways of life, even your opportunities you have. it just pays to be humble but optimistic.
also everyone's lying being an adult is pretty cool. I might be biased but I love having autonomy and a life and being taken seriously and getting older. never thought I would have any of those things. taxes suck but it's once a year and we have TurboTax now who cares. working sucks the most but it's just like going to school. you plan life around that chunk of time. only as an adult it's super flexible what you want to do.
also things hurt more now than they used to already. I've started grandma-maxxing with cardigans and canes.
Apr 13, 2025
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i'm also trans with a memory gap around the same time. i wonder if it's a common thing. things hurt more but i feel like that's a good thing compared to feeling nothing, it's kind of a beautiful, soul defrosting kind of hurt. and sometimes joy hurts after not having it for so long. hope you keep melting and loving.
@FFH oh wow I've never met anyone else who has a similar memory gap as me! I feel like everyone I tell is not super surprised but I don't think they understand it's a literal blackout gap. I wonder if it is more common too. I think being trans in this world and having c-ptsd is almost unavoidable, so it would be fair for a lot of us to have trauma during that latter point in puberty I suppose. still bittersweetly it's nice to hear someone can finally understand what it's like who's like me. I fear little but being that depressed ever again. "soul defrosting kind of hurt" is going to rattle in my brain forever. and I hope you keep melting & find love and be full of it as well. joy after never knowing it is sometimes so abrasive to feel. I wish you the best and thanks for your kind words
Apr 14, 2025
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mirabelle! congratulations on making it to 16, having an undeveloped brain and going through puberty kinda blows. so i'm proud of you for surviving what might be the weirdest time in your life for self perception, relationships (of any kind), and mood, lols.
i'm 31 now. i'll be 32 this year so i'm twice your age! i could really like go AWFF and give you the full run down of my life story but perhaps i'll save that for another post.
i actually read this book when i was a teenager called Einstein's Dreams. it's about all these different realities where time behaves differently, it's really cool. it made me think a lot about the future! speaking of Eisntein, time is relative. so each year that passes, goes faster than the one before. 1 year of your life when you're 10 is 1/10 of your life. as you get older that fraction gets smaller and smaller and smaller. sometimes a year feels like 6 months. it's wild. i also recommend you read "4,000 weeks time management for mortals" it's not really about time management, it's about changing your perspective so you can live a life!
one thing about life that will always be true no matter what age you are is that it's always going to be messy. you can have your shit together and shit can still go awry. it's how you pick yourself up from that mess and move forward that determines the next phase/step and ultimately the rest of your life!
so your frontal lobe does not develop until your 25. your frontal lobe is responsible for basically making sure that you can move through life with a rational mind. at some point you should google "what is the frontal lobe responsible for" and then give yourself hella grace if you are struggling in some of those areas. i low key wish we didn't go to college until we were 25. you are still SO young in your 20s. i still feel like i'm 27.
when i turned 25, it was like the fog cleared and suddenly i felt calm. i wasn't so angry (still angry but just less angry) as i was when i was much younger. i had a lot to be angry about, my therapist can confirm this.
now this doesn't happen to everyone... but because i'd SEEN some shit when i was younger i have a very different perspective on relationships and the world in general. i dated a really kind, generous, giving man for 10 years from 20-30. when i turned 25 i started really questioning if i should stay in this relationship. he never gave me a huge reason to leave, it was comfortable, safe, and familiar. so i stayed. when i turned 27 things really started to shift. i learned how to properly feed myself so i didn't feel like shit all the time and so my body wouldn't break down and stop working. again, i'd seen and been through some shit as a kid. when my mood improved, i was able to really grow into myself. i started to become the person i dreamed of becoming when i was 8, 9, or 10. i wish i had had the chance to become that person as a teenager, but life doesn't always work like that. and age is dumb and life is (hopefully) long! also if anyone tries to date you that is significantly older than you before you turn 30, RUN.
i realized that most of my decisions i made in my late teens into my 20s were done because (a) i was living in survival mode and (b) i was doing what i thought i "should" be doing.
as a women and a child of shitty parents, i never learned to put myself first. i never learned how to live for joy, i never learned how to listen to my heart, mind, body, and SOUL. i started to realize i had to leave this relationship because i wasn't happy. and that was enough of a reason and arguably the most important.
now i'm rebuilding my life. but, i'm trying to be the person that when i'm 60 (god willing), i'll look back and say thank you for taking care of me and this body and also fuck yeah that's a fucking life!!! those two outcomes don't have to be mutually exclusive.
also adults don't know shit. some adults do and some adults DON'T. some adults never mature beyond middle school. i wish i was kidding. i teach middle school science so i work with kids and parents, i am a reliable source on this. learn how to identify the adults that know what they're talking about and are mature and the ones that don't.
my advice to you as a yung cherub, if i may, is
(1) find your passions and try to make a life out of those passions. or find a job that let's you pay the bills + still follow your passions on the side. this will keep you going.
(2) LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. there is a wisdom so ancient within us. it KNOWS. listen to it, nurture it, thank it.
(3) make as many friends as possible. close ones, acquaintances, party friends, friends you can vent to, friends you can go on walks with, friends you can pick up right where you left off even if you haven't seen them in years. there's this saying that stuck with me -- "we're all just walking each other home" maintaining friendships is the secret sauce that makes life so delicious. the people you keep in your heart are like the stars that light the sky as we walk each other home (corny alert). also connections RULE and can help you get to where you want to go in life! all the rest of it is pretty meaningless. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
so yeah that's about it! i am wishing you an awesome rest of your LIFE!!!! also if you peak in high school and college that's a fucking loooooooong time to be on the decline. stay weird. be different. do you. and love big!
Apr 12, 2025
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not that much older (turning 20 soon) so i don't have a lot of insight unfortunately, but there are a few things i noticed! in no particualar order:
- i was much braver and more confident at 16? i feel like it should be the opposite but well... i was a lot bolder and willing to try new things and to experience, whether it be good or bad. i'm more confused and lost than i was back then, but it's also crazy insane to throw urself in potential danger just to "experience life" so i guess i'm more mature about living life now hahaha
- i was also angrier and more bitter. i have definitely mellowed out since life is often more complicated and annoying than it was when i was in high school and i've learned to just let it go and be more resourceful and less stuck on things
- i do more things for fun! some good advice is to just up and learn stuff because it's very sad to be a grown adult with no craft or trade, even if it isn't for financial purposes. anything u have a propension for should be nourished
- other piece of advice: DO THINGS THAT ARE HARD! mental laziness is a plague and the best moment to combat it is when you're young. do the math homework that u feel u will never understand until u are a natural at it, learn how to drive even if it makes u want to crawl out of ur body, start speaking up if ur shy just to practice it even if ur heart feels like its going to beat out of ur chest! don't run away from things that are hard because it becomes harder to learn the more u age.
Apr 12, 2025
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youâre not in denial about your feelings! and you shouldnât be because thereâs nothing wrong with feeling the way you do especially because you want to change this train of thought.
iâm 26, lived a very sheltered life and would probably be what may be considered a âlate bloomerâ. couple that with only going to community college and graduating in the midst of lockdowns, i âlostâ even more of my âyounger yearsâ. when i was 21-24, i definitely let those same emotions run their course on me. i used to get pretty upset even watching coming of age movies or watching college kids go about their day to day lives. i realized i didnât want that feeling to run my life.
as harsh as it sounds, you just have to remind yourself that you cannot go back in time. youâll waste more time wallowing than you will growing and learning and exploring, causing you to internalize these negative feelings more. go out and explore and make mistakes and make sure to surround yourself with people are accepting of the fleeting nature of life as well.
also, you have so much adulthood ahead of you. 23 is not much in the grand scheme of things. iâm sure there are people 20, 30, 40+ years older than you who havenât worked through this thought process yet and are jealous of your youth. from where i stand right now, and based off those i know who are older than me, you never really stop learning how to be an adult.
all in all, there is no switch to turn off your emotions, so i know itâs easier said than done. 23 in general seems to be a rough year existentially for many, so just know youâre not alone, especially in the current cultural context. aging is a gift! so try to accept that gift gracefully by going easy on yourself.
Jul 11, 2024
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Apr 17, 2025
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doing bad things is good for your mental health sometimes. I think. idkÂ
Apr 16, 2025
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you can do whatever you want, but if you really want to hear my opinion on it... at best, ai-art is demoralizing to actual human beings and creates novelty slop that vaugely looks like an art piece, while not harboring any skill in using it. and theres nothing wrong with not wanting to make art fir the skill of it, though. but at worst, it's an environmental and economic disaster, a predatory business model to consumers and customers of AI, and a great way for businessmen to try and take creativity away from us to turn us into cogs in the machine. it's built off of the stolen work of artists who already struggled to make a living, now forced out by a tool that's turned on them with their own work. it can help make propaganda that is virtually unidentifiable, turn victims into deepfakes, and generally evil we have yet to see. and that's just the image side of things, but the cons of all types of ai models overlap.
I've had to watch people throw away their lifelong dreams because of this garbage. it's no coincidence elonely muskrat and every ceo you can think of are obsessed with it - it's a perverse business tool.
I wouldn't mind coexisting with it if it wasn't out to get me. but it is.
I also feel like it's the reason nobody makes fun photobashes or random photoshops anymore. it will never fully phase out human art but I think it's starting to take over the photography world, especially commercially. I'm sick of looking up real places and animals and sorting through fake slop im being told is real.
Apr 14, 2025