Apr 15, 2025
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Reminds me I’m a real person lol. Used to hate it but did it until it didn’t freak me out anymore
Jan 29, 2024
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i keep waking up in no mood to hear any music, podcasts, etc. and just focusing on the sounds of the commute. tune into that person mouthing off their lover on the phone. listen deeply to the screech of the subway as is settles into the station. embrace the sirens of passing emergencies. all are worth lending your ear to.
Dec 22, 2023
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so about half the time my "internal monologue" is my own voice giving myself instructions (ex. "ok, i have ten minutes to spare. what should i do? i think i'm gonna pull up pi.fyi and look at posts until i have to get back to work."). it's not literally me listening to my own voice because i am conceptualizing the voice much faster than i (or any human) is capable of speaking, but it definitely coherently exists in my head as a fleshy .mp3 file, and it is definitely my voice.
the other half of the time i am simulating social scenarios in my head. there are a variety of scenarios where i do this: sometimes i am actually rehearsing for a real social situation that is actually going to happen, sometimes i'm merely preparing for the possibility of a social situation, sometimes i'm trying to do a post-mortem on a situation that has already occurred so i can think about how to improve, and sometimes i'm just talking to an imaginary adversary in my head in order to find and plug holes in my worldview / philosophy etc.
adding the caveat that if i am alone (or merely think i am alone) the "internal" monologue / conversation frequently becomes an external one, and i am sometimes ambushed by my partner and / or roommates who occasionally hear me passionately arguing with an imaginary person and i've just kind of made peace with the fact that i am going to appear casually schizophrenic to anyone who catches me doing this because i genuinely believe that actively trying to rehearse conversations and arguments in advance is what helped me get over my debilitating introversion to the extent that i have
Oct 2, 2024
