and i donāt want to be scared. i donāt know how many months or how many years i have before my condition spirals out of control. i donāt know how much time i have left to live a normal life or pretend as if im living a normal life. as a normal person. this should scare me. and it does. but not enough for me to care about the things that really matter. i constantly find myself wallowing in the wait of this spiral. and i donāt want to wallow anymore. itās difficult not to wallow.
